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Friday, December 6, 2013

Tools of Immediate Means

Tools of Immediate Means

Does anyone else find it hard to stir up some sympathy for Marathon Bombing suspect Dzokhar Tsarnaev, because he’s having a hard time in prison?

I got laryngitis, and my wife refused to take me to the doctor’s...

          I’m always amazed at how gullible the voting public is. Every election cycle aspiring politicians have a plank in their platform for education. If these nitwits EVER came through on that campaign promise, Harvard and Yale would be having fistfights over Public School grads.

          If you were yoga pants and they look wrinkled, maybe you shouldn’t…

          How does someone with no job manage to come up with $5000 for bail, ON A SUNDAY?!?!

          It should be a law that all signs for losing candidates be removed within 48 hours of the Primary…

          Why don’t they accept cash on a plane? It’s not like you’d get far after the robbery…

          Once again the ear leader has proven he can do things better than Bush-Obama’s approval rating is now at 37% after only 5 years in office-it took Bush 7 years to sink to that level!

          I got kicked out of Mensa for being the smart…ASS!

          I will agree with Liberals that crazy people should not be allowed to carry guns, but I doubt they will reciprocate and agree that crazy people should not be allowed to vote.

          A disgruntled, insane Defense contractor stormed the Washington DC Navy Yard. Armed with a shotgun he terrorized the site, killing 12 and wounding 3. Washington DC Mayor Gray called the incident “isolated”. Obviously he’s NEVER looked at DC’s murder stats. OR, if the incident IS isolated, then why do these Libs keep insisting the rest of us be disarmed? Hmmmm

          In an article that appeared on “the Blaze”- it was reported that the FBI was informed Boston area mosques were “radicalizing” young Muslims, including the Tsarnaev brothers. When are we going to wake up? Oh, and don’t forget how the city gave them the land in a sweetheart deal-talk about biting the hand!

          After the horrific Newtown Shooting, President Obama called for stricter gun control laws. He claimed that if it saved just one child, trampling our Constitutional Rights would be worth it. I wonder how surprised he was when Sen Harry Reid (DEMOCRAT) said he wasn’t concerned about children with cancer getting lifesaving meds during the Federal shutdown. Guess those kids only count as props when needed by Harry & Barry.

          Just to show the National Dems got nothing on our locals, Rep Ben Swan (D) ope Springfield has filed a bill (for the 16th time, no less) that would make cursing an offense punishable by termination for Police Officers. I have two words for you Rep Swan, and they ain’t “Happy Birthday!”

          Conservative Dr Ben Carson spoke out against Obamacare at the National Prayer Breakfast, panning the bill despite its namesake being present. He soon thereafter found himself facing an audit from the IRS, who found nothing, but decided to go back another 3 years “just in case”. BUT, don’t read anything into this; it’s all a “coincidence”. If you believe that, you’re going to believe you can keep your Cadillac Health Care for less money, too.

          An amateur chemist in Hyde Park blew off both his hands while “experimenting” with stuff in his apartment. I’m leaning toward two possible explanations; a domestic terrorist, or too much “Breaking Bad”. Either way the citizens of the Commonwealth will be footing the bill to give this idiot a hand.

          When was the last time anyone in the US (without any other issues) actually starved to death? The way these Libs carry on, you’d think, as cops that we’d be coming across emaciated bodies at least once a week during our patrols.

          In typical Liberal fashion, the taxpaying public was punished during the Federal Government Shutdown. Monuments, parks, even the Grand Canyon and Mt Rushmore were off limits. Only our Federal Government could figure out a way to close a mountain, and a hole in the ground. BUT, don’t fret, the barry-cades were moved to allow Illegal Aliens free use of the National Mall for a rally while members of the Greatest Generation were denied access to the WW 2 and Iwo Jima Memorials occupying the same space. However, ear leader and his henchmen from the NPS were thwarted when veterans removed the obstacles, ignored the officials, and stormed the sights. These were the men that landed at Normandy; did that idiot in the White House expect anything less?

          Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, it cost more to close the sights than it would have to leave them open. Way to go! U-S-A! U-S-A!

          EBT users in 17 states found out the hard way what’s in store when the Government runs out of taxpayer cash for their “entitlements”. For several hours, the cards wouldn’t work. In such cases, transactions are supposed to be limited to $50 for emergency food and meds, but retail giant Wal-Mart, allowed the carts to go through loaded with goodies, over and above the $50 limit. In a show of good faith, the layabouts made sure to grab up TV’s and other pricey electronics. Hey, after all when you’re entitled, you’re entitled.

          My brother in law is a fireman, but I thought I had the last laugh when my little nephew wanted to go out as a cop for Halloween. I told him it was because he didn’t want to sleep through the candy grab. BUT, he changed his mind and his costume to Fireman when my brother in law told he’d get 25% less candy as a cop.

        %&&%&RFVJL IPOHUPIVJ

          Just when you think you have the crappiest job on the construction site, the guy shows up to clean the port-a-potties.

          Instructions for Obamacare will be available in over 180 languages. Isn’t that how we ended up in this mess in the first place?

          On a recent trip to Florida, I saw a Chik-Fil-A and decided to try the cuisine. I figured any place that could piss off Mumbles deserved a shot. The doors were locked-apparently those religious zealots close on Sundays. I managed to get by later in the week and was so mad they were “banned in Boston”. Funny, the owner expressed an opinion on gay marriage and was prohibited from opening in Boston, but the city provided land for a mosque. Correct me if I’m wrong but Islam’s view on homosexuality is quite harsher than just not allowing gays to wed, isn’t it?

Also seen in Florida, a cop on detail with a lounge chair, umbrella for shade, and a cooler of water, who managed to perform his duties without a hitch! Imagine the outcry here?

          Florida also indulgences in the banned in Mass tradition of “Happy Hour”. Those of you of an age can remember discounted drinks, and scheduling your night around these bargain buzzes.

          More from Florida-I went to Hooters (just for the wings of course) and couldn’t help but notice the table of Muslims, close by. The smell of irony completely masked the fried chicken, as the wives sat quietly in their hijabs while the nearly naked waitresses served the table.

          Another Florida staple- I “visited” was Krispy-Kreme (DAMN YOU! Dunkies) you can actually hear yourself getting fatter just from the aroma, but you can’t stop eating those doughnuts! I’m convinced there is crack in the glaze.

          Brookline has banned plastic bags and Styrofoam cups in favor of paper goods. With that many empty brown bags lying around look for more ugly people having sex…

          It must be an Italian thing but we (Italians) constantly think about food. We’ve no sooner finished breakfast, and then we start thinking about dinner. I’d like to say I think about sex as often, but it’s easier to open the fridge!

          A cop in Tennessee was fired after shooting a squirrel that wandered in to a dollar store-terrifying the customers and employees. He followed procedures regarding escalation of force after his OC spray failed to stop the rampaging rodent, but the Officer was terminated for wasting food.

          Darius Rucker has found success with his venture into country music, but does anyone know what he did with the Blowfish? File under: “I give a hootie!”

          Gentlemen, I’ve been criticized for making what some may call chauvinistic comments, so to show I’m not biased, I implore my fellow males to refrain from wearing short shorts. Despite however many hours you spend in the gym no one wants to see you in your “DAISY DUDES”!

          My next door neighbor refers to my wife as “madam”, strangely enough, I do too. I call her “my damn wife”…

          Although they still use champagne to celebrate big wins, baseball players now spray the bubbly while wearing riot helmets and ski goggles. And the pansification of America continues.

          I recently dropped my party affiliation with the election department. I am now un-enrolled. “Un-enrolled”? They make it seem like I’m missing something.

          A North Dakota woman handed out notes to chubby kids on Halloween instead of candy. The note expressed her opinion that because the kid was overweight, she felt they should not get candy. I wonder how long it took for her to get the TP off her trees and clean the eggs off her house. Just shut your lights out next year you hag!

          President Obama used the NSA to spy on Germany’s President Angela Merkel. He wanted to know what the world’s most powerful woman was up to. Now Oprah AND Michelle aren’t talking to him!

          A truck carrying radioactive material was hijacked in Mexico. The semi was recovered with all the contents accounted for, but one of the containers had opened, contaminating the truck. Authorities are looking for the driver, fearing he could die from radiation sickness. He should be easy to spot; he’ll be the guy glowing…

          With all the forced overtime to provide security when the local teams hit the playoffs, you’ll be hard-pressed to find any fans of the Bruins, Patriots, Red Sox or Celtics among the rank and file of the BPD.

          I worked Halloween for the first time in several years. I was amazed at the skimpy costumes sported by the local girls. Sexy nurse, sexy schoolgirl, sexy cheerleader, etc. I even saw a sexy Muslim-her burkha showed her ankles.

          After making a nasty comment regarding former Alaska Gov Sarah Palin, MSNBC host Martin Bashir found himself in hot water. He has resigned. Looks like Marty’s in the $#!+ now. I guess eating crow will have to suffice in this case.

          Funny, Mitt Romney hasn’t been Governor in MA for several years, YET the state’s healthcare system is still referred to as “Romneycare”. BUT after his signature legislation and Presidential legacy “Obamacare” has proved to be a bust-it’s now being called “Affordable Care Act”. Sorry Mr. President, this is your bill-OWN IT!

          The Sriracha Hot Sauce plant in Irwindale CA has been temporarily shut down after residents complained the peppery odor was causing respiratory problems in the neighborhood. Many homeowners were duped by the Real Estate agents claims the area was HOT HOT HOT!

          Have you ever noticed how sad most Christmas decorations look during daylight hours? The snowmen are dingy, the deflated Santa looks like trash, and the strings of lights look like cobwebs. BUT plug ‘em in at night and they become the Christmas miracle.

          While I won’t call myself “devout” I have been attending church lately. I’m having difficulty following along since they’ve changed the wording to some of the prayers. The good Sisters of Notre Dame spent long hours beating the catechism into me. The lessons were so strong I’m looking around for Sister Henrietta and her ruler when I say the new words. #Amen!

Sunday, September 22, 2013

I Know How Many Licks it Takes, to get to the Center of a Tootsie Pop


            In a typical case of Massachusetts’ Double Standard, a retired Ashland Police Sergeant has been ordered to pay back some of the $46k he earned while WORKING Paid Details in addition to collecting his pension, earned for 41 years of dedicated service to his community. Meanwhile, the Hickeys of Medford defrauded the State’s Welfare system for over $160k, and will face no jail time. They have been ordered to repay the stolen money within the five year period of their probation. Anyone willing to bet who ends up paying back more of their cash windfalls? At least the cop worked for it. Just a thought-if you owed the Government 10% of that $160k, they would get EVERY penny of it from YOU!

            Speaking of Welfare “Anecdotes” as Deval refers to the cheaters, Vivencia Bellegarde, a Haitian immigrant was arrested for OUI, after her Cadillac knocked a Globe delivery truck off 93N, and onto the Leverett Connector, 40 feet below. She was found to be in possession not, one, not two, but THREE EBT Cards. To be fair, one of them was hers. During her arrest, she made racist comments to the Trooper, and referred to him as “stupid” for paying for food, when she gets it for free. Oh and just for good measure, she threatened his life, and vowed to put voo-doo curses on him. Once again, anyone want to wager on how much she’ll repay to the state coffers? As much as I hate to agree with Liberals, she’s right, we are suckers for paying- for the likes of HER!

            A rodeo clown in Missouri has been hit with a lifetime ban, and the NAACP is calling for a full investigation from the Department of Justice, after he donned an Obama mask, and entered the corral during a bull riding event. Funny, I don’t recall any of this hullabaloo when George Bush was lampooned in a similar manner.

            After Egyptian President Morsi (a proud member of the Muslim Brotherhood) failed to include opposition members in his government the military stepped in and removed him from office, placing him under house arrest. His supporters including many groups linked to radical Islam have been rioting, clashing with the military, police and attacking Christians on a daily basis. The Obama administration has pulled aid to Egypt, citing the removal of the duly elected leader. What is the dear leader thinking? Considering the Egyptian military is wiping out folks we consider terrorists, we should be sending them as many bullets as they need. Talk about a hypocrite!

            I broke my foot in June (on duty-more later) and during one of my visits to HQ to see the doctor, I noticed this sign in the office: “Worldwide studies have determined that worklessness significantly increases early death, cardiac disease, cancer, alcohol abuse, divorce, Alzheimer’s disease, and suicide”. I thought to myself, if those studies are correct, how can there so many welfare bums left!

            Creepy Anthony Weiner, erstwhile New York City Mayoral candidate and cyber flasher is once again in hot water after sending more unsolicited naked photos of himself to young females. Posting under the nom de genitalia “Carlos Danger”, his lead in the polls has fallen faster than his lead in the pole. Lampooning him is almost too easy, so I’ll let the best NY Post headline ever sum it all up: “WEINER VOWS TO STICK IT OUT”…

            Hawaii, the “Aloha State” is attempting to say aloha to its Welfare recipients. In a bid to cut down on homelessness, Hawaii has offered a one way ticket off the island to any layabouts willing to surrender paradise. So if you see any bums with a great tan on the Commons you’ll know how they got there. PS: They stole my original idea- it involved a Fung Wah bus!

            Have you ever noticed, that while you’re on vacation, you try to eat well, not drink too much, and walk around a lot for the first few days, then eventually you say screw it and over indulge?

            Many of you are familiar with HUAS (head up @$$ syndrome). With the tech savvy wandering around in a daze texting all day, I’ve coined the phrase “iComa” to describe their inattentiveness.

            I won’t say the game “Candy Crush” is addictive, but I think my wife is getting diabetes from it…

            The Quartering Act of 1765 required the colonies to house British soldiers in barracks provided by the colonies. If the barracks were too small to house all the soldiers, then localities were to accommodate the soldiers in local inns, livery stables, ale houses, victualling houses, and the houses of sellers of wine. Should there still be soldiers without accommodation after all such publick houses were filled, the colonies were then required to take, hire and make fit for the reception of his Majesty's forces, such and so many uninhabited houses, outhouses, barns, or other buildings as shall be necessary.”

This was one of the punitive measures that lead to the American Revolution. Colonists were forced to put up Redcoats on their dime, as well as pay taxes to support the troops. I see a direct correlation to what’s happening today with our government. Instead of redcoats, substitute welfare recipients. We house them in projects (barracks) but when there is no space, we put them up in hotels (inns, ale houses, etc) to the tune of about $1million a week according to the Boston Herald. Now the City of Boston has forced homeowners to register their apartments or face heavy fines, despite that information already on record through the Assessor’s Office. How much of a leap do you think it would be, before the City forces landlords to submit a number of their empty apartments for use by the Department of Public Health or other agency as shelters for homeless families? After all it’s “for the children”. Can someone check on the delivery of our pitchforks and torches?


            Speaking of shelters, Sweden has provided drive-in shelters for sex, in order to provide some privacy and safety for prostitutes. The wooden partitions are situated like a parking spot with a partition. Inside there is a police call box, in case the patron, or pro gets a little too frisky. Talk about a drive-thru!

            Has Senator John McCain gone nuts? The guy who referred to his Vietnamese captors as gooks, now claims Syrian rebels (many linked to Al-Qeada) yelling “Allahu akbar” is akin to Americans yelling “Thank God”. I’ve always considered him one of the good guys, but I’m wondering if dementia is setting in…

            There is nothing like hand washing, and waxing your car.

Paging all Hollywood Liberals, Obama is threatening to bomb Syria, and we haven’t heard from ANY of you…

            Army Major Nidal Hassan was found guilty and sentenced to death for his, ahem, act of workplace violence at Fort Hood, Texas. His appeal is automatic under Military Law, but on procedural grounds. So, looks like the Jihadist will be meeting Allah albeit a little later than he figured. Hassan, who is confined to a wheelchair as a result of being shot by Base Police Sgts Mark Todd and Kimberly Hunley will be dispatched by lethal injection. He awaits his sentence, which must be confirmed by the President (thankfully Obama will be long gone from office by then) at the Military Prison Death Row-Fort Leavenworth, Kansas. GOD is great!

            I now envy the Russians. Their leader, Putin hunts tigers bare-chested. Obama thinks he’s Tiger, and can’t reach home plate in his mom jeans.

            A Florida jury exonerated Neighborhood Watchman George Zimmerman in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin. Being out injured, I watched a lot of the trial, and wasn’t surprised by the verdict. I was shocked by all the protests-they reminded me of the riots after the OJ Trial.


            Boston Mayor Tom Menino finds himself in a bit of hot water, after stating bankrupt Detroit should be blown up. Uh, Mr Mayor, I don’t know the last time you ventured to the Motor City, but it looks like someone beat you to it!

            I’m reasonably certain there is no fruit in Froot Loops, but I will continue to eat them in hopes of finding it.

            For those of you who are concerned, in June I had to be recertified to operate a department motor cycle. Although I had not ridden one in several years I was like a kid who was told his favorite toy was being thrown out. I just had to get back in the saddle. After a few brief rides around the Back Bay, I felt confident enough to take the test. Boy, was I wrong! The results? Broken foot and severely bruised ego. Luckily there is no viral “You Tube” video of the incident.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Wars are Fought by Generals

Battles are Fought by Warriors


                Under Obamacare all Liberals are entitled to FREE rose colored glasses


            Chi-Chi Athletic clothing chain LuLu Lemon has recalled a line of their yoga pants after they were found to be see through-BASTARDS!


            After a tough winter, I found an easy way to clean up my yard. I spray painted all the dog poop pink, yellow and purple then told the neighborhood kids I was hosting an Easter Egg Hunt…


            I saw a sign posted in my Doctor’s Office. It read the office was fragrance free, and asked employees and visitors to refrain from the use of: perfume, cologne, after shave, hair spray, shampoo, scented soap, and deodorant. I asked the nurse how it was to work there-she said; “It stinks…”


            After the Boston Marathon bombing, and the susequent revelation it was carried out by Islamic extremists-Attorney General Holder warned Americans that any backlash against Muslims in the US will be dealt with harshly. What would he do if it’s perpetrated by Illegal Aliens or the New Black Panther Party?


            A storage unit containing equipment for the upcoming season belonging to Savin Hill Little League was robbed by heartless thugs. If they’re caught may I suggest they be tied to the foul pole and let the kids “swing away”…


            I cheated on my ethics exam.


            TV pitchmen are touting the “Wax Vac” to remove pesky ear wax without  q-tips, to keep your ears wax free, without pain. They’ll even send you two-one for free! What would happen if you used them both at the same time? The resulting brain vacuum will only provide us with more Democrats…


            The State has discovered hundreds of sex offenders registered at homes that also house Child Day Care. Governor Patrick has promised a full investigation. In the end, these pervs will become another of the Gov’s “anecdotes”…


            Well the Primary to narrow the field in June is over. To fill John Kerry’s vacant Senate seat, Massachusetts voters will have the pleasure of picking a liberal, gun grabbing, Obama suck up or Ed Markey.


            I tried to watch “Boston’s Finest”, I really did, but couldn’t bear it after one of the “characters” started yelling; “2-6-9! 2-6-9!” when he saw a gun in a car. I get the reference (MGL 269-Dangerous weapons) but NEVER in my almost 30 year career have I EVER heard that. You see a gun, you yell “GUN!!” so there’s no confusion…just sayin’ (and tuning out)


            The State House has been the scene of furious debate over the budget.In the end, all that will be decided is how much more WE (working class) will have to pay to support the layabouts…Welome Home to Taxachusetts. Thanks Democrats!

Like Gov Patrick says: “Everybody pays more and gets less…” No Deval, People who work pay more and get less, people who don’t work at all still get plenty.


            American Airlines and US Airways have merged to form the largest carrier in the US. After bringing American to the brink of bankruptcy, outgoing CEO Tom Horton was rewarded with a $20 Million exit package. Way to encourage failure and mediocrity! Thankfully a Judge has weighed in and put the payout on hold…


            Although I can’t explain why I do it, I will deviate from my route rather than stay behind a hearse in traffic-usually only two or three cars from the Funeral will follow me…


            I was approached by a Back Bay resident, while stationed at the Marathon Bombing Memorial. She was wondering when it will be removed, with her reasons being it made her sad, and displaced one of the Farmer’s Market stands. Really??


            At the rate things are going, don’t be surprised if the Government taxes YOUR pension to provide a pension for the EBT crowd…


            I tried to log in to a page on the State’s website to satisfy a work requirement. I couldn’t get on because of pop-ups. Turns out the instructions to turn off the pop up blocker come up when you log in.


            A Police Detective in Dedham alerted the Department of Transitional Assistance that two suspects caught during a drug raid were getting benefits despite having over $65K in their apt. The Illegal Aliens were also found in possession of heroin and cocaine. Hmmm, illegal aliens, EBT, drugs, cash, at least they weren’t making bombs… It took State authorities more than a month to look into this, even after the DTA vowed a crackdown on fraud.  There’s no crackdown, it’s more like a crack up, and the joke’s on the taxpaying suckers of Massachusetts. Could someone please check on the delivery date of the pitchforks and torches?

            Suffolk County District Attorney and Boston Mayoral candidate Dan Conley has proposed new Gun Control legislation. The Bill, sposored by Rep Russell Holmes (D) umb-ass of Mattapan would increase penalties for illegal gun violations, make not reporting theft of a firearm a jailable offense, mandate “micro-stamping” and most onerous of all require firearms owners to carry liability insurance. Now I agree anyone who buys/sells guns illegally should be jailed, but liability insurance? Just as soon as they make all these Baby Makers insure their (ahem) “guns”. That’s more problematic and more expensive. And more likely to occur than a legal gun owner shooting someone…


            In the wake of the Boston marathon bombing President Obama attended and spoke at a memorial service at the Cathedral of the Holy Cross-Boston. The Boston Police Department was given 65 tickets to the event, and Officers who were interested in going had to submit name, dob, ssn for a background check. On the day of the event, over 500 tickets were released to the general public who lined up outside-no check required. And although everyone was told no parking would be available-Senator Lie-zy Warren didn’t get the memo, treating the cops and secret service on site like valets.To add insult to injury, as the assembled pols left the church, most put on a somber fa├žade. Warren came out waving like she was at a parade. #doyouknowwhoiam?


            Speaking of disgusting-it’s a damn shame Veterans may wait up to a year or longer for benefits, but the same Government manages to get Illegal Aliens benefits within weeks of their arrival.


            Does anyone else remember when a nanny was actually one of the grandmothers?


            I won’t say the Marathon Bombing has changed everything, but I heard the “Cycling Murrays” have been up armored…


            When I see a bunch of kids playing Ultimate Frisbee, I cringe, but since I had so much fun with that disc on the beach when I was younger, I ignore it. When I see a bunch of kids playing Quidditch from the Harry Potter books, I can’t believe how silly some people are. Then I smile thinking all that time running around with a broom between their legs may keep them from reproducing.


            Obama is in quite a mess after triple scandals have the White House reeling. Benghazi, IRS and AP Wiretapping have many wondering if the Prez and his pals are in over their heads, smart like a fox, or just plain stupid. Here’s my opinion: on the Benghazi matter, Hillary will find some underling to lay the blame on, with the hope it doesn’t taint her possible White House run in 2016. Now we know who answered the phone in that infamous ad-NO ONE, and 4 Americans are dead. What caused it DOES matter, despite what she may think, or raged at Congress. If it is discovered State knew it was Al-Qeada, we’ll be able to keep Bill away from the Interns-her ambitions will be toast. In over their heads. The IRS scandal has a scapegoat-Lois Lerner. She’ll be removed, take a plea, and get a pardon when dear leader leaves. He got what he wanted-no or little opposition to his re-election. The email trail will falter under another “Executive Order” a-la Fast and Furious, and although Congress will steam, this one ends with a whimper. Smart like a fox! The AP Wiretaps may be the end game. Shades of Watergate, sketchy subpeonas, an embattled AG, and pissed off press may add up to Cabinet level resignations. The fallout among the media could be toxic, especially if it lingers through the Mid-Term Elections. Just Plain Stupid!


First Hugo Chavez and now toilet paper! Venezuelans find themselves in a tushy situation as the nation suffers through a toilet paper shortage.Rolls can be had for up to four times the price on the “Brown Market”. We all knew Chavez was full of crap but that much? C’mon.


A North Carolina woman had her juvenile son arrested for stealing her Pop Tarts. The 13 year old boy was hauled off by Police after being called to the home by the distraught mom, Latasha Renee Love.He also drank her milk, slept in one of her bedrooms, watched her TV and used her shower. The cops should have locked HER up- for wasting their time. You had him-You raise him Ms Love


            Dubbed “The Hermit of North Pond”, Christopher Knight was finally captured and could face up to 1000 counts of larceny after spending 27 years in the Maine woods. Knight would break into cabins or steal from campsites to stock his own. He was seen about as often as Bigfoot, but left a trail of broken locks and empty cupboards. Stealing clothes, food, sleeping bags, and propane tanks, Knight talked to only one other person in his quarter century plus in the wilderness. He did not know if his parents were still alive, and his brothers had to introduce themselves when they visited him in jail, but he did know who the Kardashians were. Is there no where on earth to get away from those BITCHES??


            I’m glad I wore clean underwear to my debriefing.


            In typical Liberal fashion, while remembering the victim’s of the Marathon Bombing, Gov Patrick named each victim but referred to the 2 Law Enforcement casualties (Donahue from the T, and Collier from MIT) as “Officers”. Thanks for your support Gov!


            Not to be outdone by our Domesticated Islamic Terrorists, 2 English Muslims from a radical Mosque hacked an English soldier to death in the street. The 2 had been investigated by authorities, were on the dole, hmmm sound familiar? Days later a French Muslim slashed a soldier on patrol in Paris. Anyone else see a pattern? No other Religion is out to kill the competition. Convert or die seems to be their motto, and not one word of outcry from the rest of them. Their (Muslims) silence speaks volumes, and condones these atrocities with their inaction.


            I find it strange that some nitwit “rapper” Cameron D’Ambrosio, a high-schooler,from Methuen was held in jail after making a bomb threat on Facebook, YET Robel Phillipos got bailed after assisting his pal Tsarnaev. What the hell?


            I’m glad we all made it through the Boston Marathon Bombing fairly well, to the Officers injured, a speedy recovery. If you need help-GET IT! We’re no good to each other if our heads aren’t in the game-stay safe,enjoy your family, enjoy your summer…







Tuesday, April 2, 2013

You Can't Microwave Lasagne!

     Amazing how many handicapped guys work on construction sites.

     Sean Coombs a/k/a Pdiddy has admitted to being a bed wetter as a child. He'll now be known as P did he?

     I went outside on March 1st after hearing Obama speak on the Sequester, but the sky was NOT falling.

     How come “light beer” is lo calorie, but light cream is not?

    If North Korea nukes California will Mexico declare war?

     Narcolepsy-a sleeping killer...

     A 13 y.o. Illinois student was threatened with suspension if he did not remove his Marines t-shirt. The T sported a pair of crossed rifles. The child was forced to turn it inside out or face disciplinary proceedings. Only a flaming liberal would see the harm in a picture of a gun. Hopefully the shirt wasn't loaded, and the instructor has recovered from her fright. Here's the backpedaling School Administration's response from their Facebook page:

We very much support the armed forces and were disheartened to learn of this matter through the media. The administration and school handbook agree that this shirt is not a violation of the dress code. We also take school safety very earnestly and it needs to be recognized that is a topic that we also take very seriously and support our students and staff in providing a safe environment to learn, teach and work in on a daily basis. We thank everyone for their continued support of our school and our school district.

      Not too many things rile me more than out of state registered cars sporting “Warren for Massachusetts” bumper stickers. You like her that much-let her be YOUR senator. #carpetbagger!

     When Obama said “I'm not a dictator”, all I could think of was Nixon claiming “I'm not a crook!” And we all know how THAT turned out...

     Forget “50 Shades”. Real sadism is your girl asking you to go shopping with her. Real masochism is saying yes...TAKE THAT Christian Grey!

     9 year old Brockton based rapper Lil Poopie is being investigated by DYS after his hip hop video went viral-the vid features the precocious potty mouthed prodigy slapping a gal on her ample backside, while extolling the virtues of “coke” (the sugary soft drink). Lil Poopie- how appropriate since rap music is crap anyway...

     Yoga pants are a privilege, not a right!

     21 Quincy cops were placed on suspension after their firearm licenses were found to be expired. Quincy requires a valid LTC in order to be armed at work. State, City and Police officials are working together to see this doesn't occur again. Funny, the Patrick Administration managed to find the cash to send out Voter Registration info to almost 500,000 Welfare recipients, but honest, hard working citizens (who pay for these bums) can't get a simple postcard their LTC or Driver's License for that matter is about to expire-go figure!

     Euro furniture chain IKEA is pulling their brand of Swedish meatballs from the shelves after they were possibly tainted with horse meat. Guess they had to do something with the leftovers after using the leather...

     Is it just me or do all Mumford & Sons' songs sound the same?

     Saw a guy walking in shorts on a cold snowy day. Couldn't figure out if he was tough or out of clean clothes.

     If you see baked goods labeled Vegan, you can be sure they'll be tasteless.

      The Boston Phoenix has closed its doors. After trashing the PAX didn't help, and revenues for call girl ads dwindled, they have gone out of business. We may have lost advertising revenue, but never had to stoop to offering our readers phone sex-unless you count hearing someone swear in the background when you phone over to the Union Hall. Long Live the PAX!!!

     The Death Penalty was referred to as “ Murder by the State” on a radio program I heard. The caller debated its effectiveness as a deterrent. I disagree, Prisoners subject to the Death Penalty have a 0% recidivism rate...

     Like millions of other Catholics worldwide, I was glued to the TV as a new Pope was announced. Pope Francis I was introduced amid much pomp and fanfare. One thing I noticed-members of the Swiss Guard, and Papal Security carried loaded weapons, complete with magazines locked in place, unlike Obama's Inaugural Parade where US Military personnel marched with empty rifles. File under: In God We Trust.

     I went to a Jamaican Restaurant and ordered the Jerk Chicken, but was upset when it was only mildly annoying.

      I'm totally convinced there is no parallel parking in the Third World.

     When I'm in traffic and see someone in a nearby car singing, I switch radio stations to try to find the song.

     A veteran Ohio Poll Worker; Melowese Richardson admitted voting twice (for Obama-shocker!) and faces charges she did it in 2008 and 2011. An 8 count indictment was handed down by Federal Authorities, after Richardson was worried her vote wouldn't count, but claimed “no intent on my part to commit voter fraud”. Hmmm I'd say a Poll Worker who doesn't recognize voting twice and voting under other peoples' names is voter fraud is incompetent-the stupid kind not the alleged racist code word kind. If convicted she could face up to 12 years in prison...think she'll serve a day? Cue the crickets...

     Why do back up goalies in the NHL sit on the bench with their gloves on but not their mask?

     Saying the stogies offered for sale in South End bodegas are cigars is like claiming the burgers at fast food joints are steak!

     I think those signs at the bus stop that show endangered species with tag lines like “ I am not a rug” should be in some other language. I don't know anyone who takes a prescription of rhino horn for their ailments.

     I hate parking next to that A$$#*!@ taking up two spaces in a crowded lot. Inevitably he's ALWAYS gone when you come out and YOU look like the A$$#*!@!!!

     ICE released a few thousand illegal alien criminals over budget issues related to the Sequestor, possibly endangering citizens. The White House denied any knowledge of the matter, claiming the decision was made by “career bureaucrats” at ICE. Really? When some other career Government employees did something the White House couldn't claim credit fast enough-paging Seal Team 6!

     European countries are running out of money, and restructuring debt, pensions, etc at an alarming rate. They simply cannot afford their entitlement programs and run a country. Greece, Spain, Portugal are for all intents and purposes broke and Cyprus proposed seizing assets from the savings accounts of its citizens. That being said, why does OUR Government continue to roll down this road, even though they know the bridge is out. I'll say this-if Uncle Sam tries to put his hands in our savings accounts you will see the working class riot.

     Worcester Rep Fresolo is in hot water after e-mailing pictures of his junk to a female staffer. What a Weiner!

     Do you ever wonder what kind of deal people got when you see them driving a car that's a horrible color?

     St Paddy's Day has continued its dominance over New Year's Eve as amateur hour. Who in their right mind would drink green beer at 8 in the morning?

      Don't forget the Commissioner's Cup! Come cheer on your district, grab a t-shirt, and find out who'll have bragging rights! Also please support Cops for Kids with Cancer Trivia Night on April 11 at Florian Hall. Can D-4 pull off the “Three-peat”?And for more of MY nonsense (hold for shameless self promoting plug) check out my blog: Uncensored, unedited and all my own opinions!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

If Ignorance is Bliss, Then Stupidity is Nirvana

In my relationship with my phone, I'm the “smart” one.

I'm proud of the fact that I cannot recognize ANY of the “Real Housewives”

Why is it, when you go to the Doctor's they always say watch how much you eat, watch how much you drink. You're never told to drink more beer and have more sex...

Washington D.C. Mayor Vincent Gray has made a generous offer to the Washington Redskins. His honor has promised funds for a new stadium, on the condition the team change it's name from the “offensive” slur on Native Americans...may I suggest Bullets, Snipers, or Crooks to reflect the neighborhood??

Speaking of football, Baltimore linebacker Ray Lewis went out on top, after the Ravens won the Super Bowl. The hype surrounding Lewis' retirement rivaled the big game itself. At every stop, there was the obligatory shot of Lewis crying. After football Lewis could become the first male spokes-model for mascara-his eyeblack never ran, no matter how severe the waterworks. The only guy who cried more than Ray this past year was Speaker of the House Boehner!

President Obama is urging changes in football to reduce injuries. He must be the only guy who enjoyed the Pro Bowl! If he institutes all the restrictions by 2016 the big game will be known as the “Safer Bowl”.

In the next election, I won't vote with my head or my wallet, I'll be voting with my (30 round) magazine.

A guy I know went on break with an electric cigarette. He came back two days later when the battery wore out...

Rapper Rick Ross was shot and as a result of his injuries crashed his car-I didn't even know he had turned his life around!

The “Go Daddy-Kiss” commercial during the Super Bowl made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

During the Physical Aptitude Testing, prior to becoming a Police Officer, applicants are required to hold a revolver at arms length and pull the trigger several times then repeat with the other hand. For a Fire Fighter, the PAT is similar, except you use a TV Remote...

At the rate we are being disarmed, soon we'll all be eating steak with plastic sporks!

When you rob Peter to pay Paul, eventually Paul will tire of being a victim.

A hidden danger to electric cars is also one of their selling points. It seems the hybrids are too quiet when running on battery power, and several pedestrians have had close calls with the near silent autos. Although considering the idiocy of some pedestrians with their texting and iPhone comas, this may just be Darwinism.

Is the money lost on parking meters during recent snow emergencies offset by tags and tows? Speaking of the aforementioned Snow Emergencies, with no cars on the road, parked or moving, WHY didn't they plow curb to curb? Oh and Gov Patrick, I went out for a joy ride 2 hours AFTER you overstepped your authority and ordered private citizens off the roads.

Boston University Professor Pedro Laserte, who teaches “Romance Languages” was sentenced to probation after pleading guilty to hitting a female acquaintance with brass knuckles...and I thought French was the International Language of Love!

Well it's Lent, and I'm trying not to eat meat on Friday's. Considering some of the rotten things I've done, if I end up in Hell, it most likely won't be the result of pepperoni pizza.

Doctors, athletes, politicians, etc are always downing fast food, and sugary drinks, BUT that doesn't stop them from having MacDonald's and Coca-Cola from sponsoring sporting events, and the Olympics.

Funny, we pay pro athletes millions, and don't care if they're covered with tattoos, no matter how tasteless. They provide nothing but entertainment and the occasional role model. Meanwhile, candidates for Law Enforcement and the Military are not accepted or censored for having some ink, get paid shit, and provide the blanket of security we all prosper under-go figure!

I don't use my cell phone to report driving jerks, because sometimes it's ME!

When I look at the sheets of salt laid down during snowstorms, I often wonder if Car Washes and Body Shops pay for it...

I can't help but chuckle to myself when I hear the “all-out” broadcast to transport people in need of shelter during inclement or extremely cold weather, YET people complain if they drive by a detail and see a cop warming up.

Whenever I hear that song “Moves Like Jagger” I picture someone dancing around with a cane or a walker. Really, Sir Mick is almost 70!

Lately it seems we don't have Law & Order, we have Law, or Order.

President Obama is using the tried and true Democratic tactic of scaring the public with dire forecasts of anarchy, and threats of cuts to local aid to pressure House Republicans to raise taxes in the face of sequestration. The across the board spending cuts will kick in March 1st, if a deal is not struck. Dear leader wants taxes raised, and cuts to military and defense spending but the House is defying him, claiming other cuts are available, and refusing to pile on the middle class any further after about 77% of working Americans' taxes were raised to avoid the Fiscal Cliff. Obama AGREED to the original deal, but now seems poised to heap the blame on the Republicans. If they cave-it's all over! Before the Government starts cutting jobs, maybe they should start cutting fraud and waste. How many Obama voters will get the axe, or a pay cut (at least 47% WON'T) ? And who will get the blame in the complicit media? The Republicans, the Tea Party, and Conservatives!

Need more proof the media is biased? Republican whiz kid Marco Rubio of Florida was pilloried for grabbing a drink of water before making a speech. He was even satirized on Saturday Night Live...BUT... Senator Menendez of New Jersey has been implicated in a scandal involving questionable donations, sketchy junkets, and sex with underage prostitutes in the Dominican Republic, and you'll have to look hard to find it outside the Right Wing outlets. The difference between the two? With an “R” after your name, drinking water gets you national attention, and ridicule, but allegedly banging underage girls on vacation and taking money and trips from an indicted donor garners barely a ripple with a “D” following...