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Thursday, June 12, 2014

Everyone Gets a Trophy

Everyone Gets a Trophy


        Pro Golfer Bubba Watson caused a bit of a stir, when he celebrated his Master’s Win at the local Waffle House. I can’t see why everyone was so surprised; where else would a guy named Bubba party?
       
I know an Officer who’s so bipolar, he does Good Cop/Bad Cop by himself.
       
Twitter is like the bathroom wall of the Internet-that can’t be painted over (thx Mike!)
        
Lingerie is French for “you’ll never see me after marriage”
        
Some notes on the Boston Marathon:
Security was able to search bags before people entered the “hot zone”, so why couldn’t they search the backpacks of the Military “Ruck” runners?
Most spectators couldn’t thank Police enough for their service along the route. I wonder if they changed that to “something else you” after the papers published the co$t… But it was appreciated nonetheless.
Many groups reward their runners with a get together when the race is done. Where’s the BPD after-party?
To date, not one Police Officer assigned to the finish line during last year’s bombing has been officially recognized by the Department. The Boston Fire Department will be honoring nine Firefighters at their annual Awards Ceremony after reviewing hundreds of photos, and hours of footage, to determine meritorious actions at the site of the bombings. We got a pin.
The addition of food carts to feed the Officers assigned to the Marathon was a great idea. Hopefully there are plans for the BPPA to get one. If they do, I know a guy who’d be interested in the chef’s position…
I refuse to believe the plate on the water truck is: MIA
Forget the cycling Murrays, the end of the marathon should be marked by the Milwaukee Brewers’ “Sausage Racers”.
From the Command Staff to the Patrolmen, everyone did a great job! It’s now safe to say, we’re 117-1!
        
Has anyone else noticed the radio now sounds like a bad Dunkin Donuts drive through?
       
The Mayor of Somerville, Joe Curatone has decreed that Illegal Aliens will no longer be arrested-just for being illegal. They can be detained if they have a criminal warrant, or are arrested for another offense. Oh, and don’t forget, two years ago, Alcalde Jose decreed you can’t refer to them as “illegal aliens”. Muchos Gracias! American citizens will continue to be locked up in Somerville as usual.
        
Uber Liberal Alec Baldwin was arrested in NYC near his home after running afoul of the NYPD. The incident started with Baldwin once again complaining to Police about the paparazzi camped out near his downtown digs. He was taken into custody after failing to produce an ID for a civil violation of bicycling against traffic. How ironic: a flaming liberal arrested for no ID!! It was also noted Alec threw out the old “Do you know who I am?” to arresting Officers. In a TWEET following his pinch, Baldwin opined:  "New York City is a mismanaged carnival of stupidity that is desperate for revenue and anxious to criminalize behavior once thought benign."   Now I ask you, gentle reader, is this simply a case of Baldwin vs. de Blasio for title of Biggest Libtard in New York? Hey, Alec, these are YOUR people calling the shots- how ya like Dem (Big) Apples? File Under: Between a 30 Rock and a hard place…
        
Just a thought on Global Warming-while wearing my coat with liner, and knit hat on a detail in MAY! Why can’t the Greenhouse gasses escape through the hole in the ozone layer?
        
Hopefully Marty Walsh will be re-elected as mayor of Boston; it’ll take at least two terms to remove the prior Mayor’s name from everything.
        
LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling made some pretty nasty racially charged remarks. The fallout resulted in the NBA and its Board of Governors banning him for life, fining him $2.5 million, and forcing Sterling to sell the team. Sterling has responded with a lawsuit for $2 billion seeking damages. As despicable as his comments were, this issue is looking more about green as black or white.
       
MERS (Middle East Respiratory Syndrome) has been reported in the United States. The disease is believed to have originated in Saudi Arabia, and is possibly contracted from camels. Hmm MERS from camels, AIDS from monkeys, can you crazy Third World perverts STOP making out with animals?
        
The Liberals and Greens claim regulation and taxes are needed to save the planet “for the children” BUT these same Libs see nothing wrong with dumping the astronomical cost of Obamacare on these same kids. At least they can look out the window at work and see some nice trees.
        
When we were young, our parents warned us to stay away from strangers in cars, now drunk kids don’t think twice about getting in a sketchy livery vehicle. #strangerdanger!
        
If Deval Patrick runs for President, Justina Pelletier should be his Willie Horton.
       
I passed by Franklin Park Golf Course and couldn’t help but notice the large flocks of Canada geese. I thought to myself, with the close proximity of the zoo, how funny would it be if a bunch of them landed in the lion’s cage…
        
Boston prides itself on being a walking city and I think that’s great. Just one thing, though, could someone teach these idiots how to cross a street? I feel like taking a bat and smashing the pedestrian lights at every intersection-and I bet NO ONE would notice, because the %^$&#( pedestrians pay no mind to them anyway! How about making the fine for jay-walking comparable to the fine for failing to stop for a pedestrian, then aggressively enforcing that! I’d bet traffic would flow a lot smoother. Oh and whoever came up with the new traffic light patterns should be charged accordingly when someone gets hit. They are ridiculous-people should not be getting a walk signal when cars are turning through an intersection.
       
I did a detail near Agganis Arena, which was hosting the “New England Robotics Championship”. It was like watching an eight hour marathon of “The Big Bang Theory” minus the hot neighbor.
        
I believe I speak for everyone when I say the song “Happy” should meet the same fate as “Achy-Breaky Heart” and NEVER be played on the radio again…
        
An audit of the Boston Public School’s lunch program has shown it is losing millions and is among the worst places to work. Who would have guessed mystery meat was so expensive?
        
Another Muslim immigrant to our shores has been implicated in the Marathon Bombing. At least this one had a job.
        
A New Hampshire father was arrested at a Gilford School Board Meeting, after voicing his objection to a book on the reading list which contained graphic sex passages. William Baer protested that a permission slip was not issued this year-as has been the case in the past. He was led from the meeting in handcuffs for violating the “two minute” rule for speakers. Funny, offensive language was removed from literary classic “Huckleberry Finn”, so why not this book?
        
A US Marine-Sgt Andrew Tamooressi, who suffers from PTSD, is languishing in a Mexican prison on a weapons charge, after he took a wrong turn at the border. Although there may be more to this, the Administration appears to be dragging their feet in an effort to bring this vet home. Here’s an idea-let’s propose an exchange. We’ll send back all Mexicans here illegally in exchange for our soldier…
        
Massachusetts Legislators are proposing more new gun laws. As usual, these laws will only affect LEGAL gun owners. There are no provisions regarding criminals or the mentally ill. These are the same clowns that claim Climate Change is settled science, but deny the FACT that more guns = less crime. Here’s a unique idea, enforce the laws on the books, before you further restrict my CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS!
        
Dan Marino, Hall of Fame QB for the Miami Dolphins, is suing the NFL over its failure to address injuries-specifically concussions. That would explain his wooden performance in Ace Ventura-Pet Detective. Laces OUT Dan!
        
Police in Kentucky have seized 3 million dollars worth of stolen shoes. The NIKE footwear went missing in 2009 while being shipped from Tennessee to Texas. How do you fit $3 million dollars worth of shoes in a double wide? Those must be some stylish hillbillies!
        
Several national chains have asked patrons not to carry firearms onto their premises. Sonic, Chili’s, Starbucks, Chipotle, Wendy’s, and Applebee’s are among those participating in this policy. Just a thought-are they asking patrons not to exercise any of their other Constitutional Rights in their businesses-or just this one? By the way, if I or anyone else chooses to ignore this “request” what’s the worst they can do, ask you to leave?
        
After an avalanche on Mt Everest killed several of their fellows, Nepalese Sherpa guides have stated they won’t assist climbers during this season. They will now be known as Shirkers. More news from the world’s tallest peak: Embarking from the Tibetan (China) side of Everest (where there are no age restrictions on climbers) an impoverished 13 y.o. Indian girl scaled Mt Everest. Coming from the lowest caste in India (referred to as the “untouchables” because of their abject poverty) Malavath Poorna was sponsored by the Andhra Pradesh Social Welfare Society. A radio news report referred to her as “Slumdog Mountaineer” Jeez, if I wrote that we’d been in the news again…just sayin’
        
Another scandal now dogs the Obama Administration. Officials at several Veterans’ Administration Hospitals have been implicated in a growing controversy that may foreshadow patient treatment under Obamacare. It seems some vets are being placed on lists, and denied prompt appointments for sometimes life threatening conditions. A number of VA Officials have been canned, including head of the VA, former General, Eric Shinseki. A Bi-Partisan group of Senators, led by Republican John McCain, and Independent/Socialist Bernie Sanders is drafting legislation that would allow veterans to seek care at other medical venues, with full reimbursement if they cannot get an appointment at their local VA Hospitals. It’s either that or claim they’re Illegal Aliens, so they’ll get their benefits faster. #deathpanel
        
The only American POW in Afghanistan, Sgt Bowe Bergdahl has been returned to the US Army in exchange for 5 hardened Taliban Commanders from Gitmo. Controversy surrounds the swap (but what else is new for Obama) after several of his former comrades claim Bergdahl is a deserter. More to follow as this unfolds. One can only hope the swapped terrorists got a (GPS) bug up their @$$ ala “Gigi Portella” and a drone will put a rocket in their pocket before they can kill more Americans. If it’s true Bergdahl is a deserter, he should be welcomed home with a 21 gun salute-pointed at his chest.
        
Pop tart Justin Bieber is doing the public mea culpa after a video surfaced of him telling racist jokes. Hmm what are they going to make him sell-he actually used the “N” word?? I didn’t even know he was dating V Stiviano! File under: KKKanada…
        
Elliot Rodger, a child of liberal privilege went on a murderous rampage that left 6 dead and 13 wounded, after he couldn’t get a date. During his spree, Rodger stabbed, ran over with his car, and shot his victims, because he felt rejected by women, and couldn’t lose his virginity. Although he employed different means to dispatch his victims, the do-gooders immediately attacked guns. There was no talk of banning knives and BMW’s. Rodger proves the point that a nut who’s bent on murder, will employ any means necessary to satisfy his urges.
        
I recently fielded a call for a naked woman in Copley Sq Park. It’s not what you think, supermodels rarely pass out nude on my beat. The drunken homeless woman was stripped from the waist down, and sprawled out in the grass. The sight has made me swear off sex for at least a month-it will be easy, I’m married…
        
I have a small pile of sand in my yard, and my dog will roll around in it, then climb into my bed, spreading it onto the sheets. Pair that with the hot flashes I get from my medication, and it’s like sleeping on the beach.

        
Enjoy your summer, have fun on vacation, hydrate on your details, good luck on the Sergeant’s test, wear sunscreen, and try not to get ordered too much. Thanks for reading!
Tap-Dancing in a Minefield

                I recently went by a convenience store under renovation in the Back Bay. I wondered if the contractor had to factor in cost for compensation and or relocation of the panhandlers in his job estimate budget.
           
Now that Menino’s gone can we PLEASE have our candy and tonic machines back? I’ve been in plenty of City buildings that never lost theirs!
           
I’ve lived in Boston for my entire life. When I was a kid, pigeons were EVERYWHERE, and spying a hawk was a rare sight. Now it’s just the opposite.
            
After working several details in sub-zero weather this winter, I’m pretty sure the phrase “Frozen Stiff” should actually be “Frozen Shrunk”
            
Circumstance forced me to the Mass Registry of Motor Vehicles. I think it’s a lot like hell, only hell smells better…
           
We MUST protect the Ukraine at all costs, because if it falls, we will never be able to get Chicken Kiev again!
            
Speaking of the Ukraine, I don’t think the Russians are intimidated by Obama threatening to draw a line in the sand. It seems every time he does, and it’s crossed, he simply draws another one. Just ask Syria!
            
Has anyone ever barked up the right tree???
            
In the United Kingdom, interested parties can purchase citizenship for about $4 million dollars. Why would you waste your money like that-if you come to the US, we’ll pay YOU!
            
I went looking for a spoon in my cooler but couldn’t find one, what I did discover were enough plastic knives to stage a revival of “West Side Story” on an airplane.
            
Walter Williams, an elderly farmer passed away at his home, and was declared dead by the local coroner. His remains were transported to a Funeral Parlor, where Williams came to and began to move inside the body bag which was in the embalming room. After changing his underwear, the undertaker phoned EMS. Williams was revived and survived for another two weeks, when he finally passed away for good. It’s rumored his last words were: “Be sure to get a second opinion THIS TIME!”
           
If one more person uses the GPS excuse I’m going to flip! You know, “sorry officer, my GPS sent me down the one-way, through the red light, etc”-you get the picture. Same goes for “Where can I park?”
            
Mikeala Shiffrin, 19years old, and a U.S. Olympic Skier won gold in Sochi. When you win a Gold Medal at nineteen, does it all go downhill from there?
            
Please mind your business! A busybody decided police needed to be called to investigate kids playing “pond hockey” on the Muddy River in the Fenway. With the temperature hovering in the teens for several days prior, and the depth of the Muddy River less than 5 feet, I think the possibility of “sudden death” would have been from a tie or frostbite rather than drowning.
           
A radio ad for WIC really makes my blood boil. It consists of women cackling about all the great things you can buy with your WIC benefits-with one eyeing the full grocery cart and exclaiming “look at all that stuff did you win the lottery?”  Yes, she did win the lottery, and we (taxpayers) bought the ticket!
            
I always laugh at those commercials that show the well dressed housewife in the huge home, cleaning with the featured product. She buzzes about her giant house in a dress wiping and shining every surface until it sparkles. C’mon in the real world a home that size would come with a team of housekeepers and the wife would be sitting around with a cocktail, making sure they didn’t steal anything.
            
With so many things bearing the former Mayor’s moniker, it’s easy to confuse visitors to our fair city. Simply tell them to take a turn at the Menino (park, bike, building, ball field, flower garden, port-a-potty, etc) They’ll be going in circles for hours.
           
In Colorado, an illegal alien is suing the local first responders who rescued him from his vehicle, after he was trapped by flood waters. Roy Ortiz has made no bones about it-he’s only looking for money, claiming rescuers should have got him out sooner. I truly hope the judge in this case does the right thing and throws the case and Ortiz out.
            
A California State Senator, Leland Yee, has been charged with trafficking in illegal weapons. Yee promised FULL AUTO Rifles and Shoulder Fired Rockets to an undercover FBI Agent, for $2 million. Yee claimed he could get the weapons from Muslim Terrorists based in the Philippines. In an ironic twist, the senator authored and supported many of California’s tough gun laws-you know, the ones that apply only to law abiding citizens, not Yee, or his terrorist buddies, not to mention his gang banging organized crime associates. Yee also legislated Driver’s Licenses for Illegal Aliens, and blocked Law Enforcement from turning illegals over to Federal Authorities for Deportation. Oh and did I mention, he’s a DEMOCRAT!

Speaking of Illegals and driver’s licenses, Massachusetts is entertaining the prospect, claiming it will make our roads safer. Whoever came up with this one must already be using the medical marijuana. If you’re a bad driver with no insurance, a simple piece of paper isn’t going to change things one bit. A Driver’s License would also allow access to State benefits (although I don’t think they’re hard to come by without one), and Voter Registration. While not a fan of a Scarlet Letter, a great big red “IA” embossed over the info should be required. Then we’d be able to see just how well these folks drive, while safeguarding our wallets and electorate from their meddling. And please don’t give me that “second class citizen” crap-they shouldn’t be citizens at all!

Calls for a man with a rifle flooded Area D, with units from 4, 14, MSP, and Brookline Police searching for the camo clad suspect. Imagine the surprise when it turned out to be BU ROTC on a training exercise. It seems the proper notifications were made, but the word never got down to the boots on the ground, due to an oversight. A strange tidbit came to light during the aftermath, when one of the Boston Cops spoke to the Colonel in charge of the ROTC. They were forced to get permits after an anonymous complainant claimed to be scared and intimidated by the college troopers in their camouflage uniforms. Probably the same dolt that made the call. Anonymous complaints should not even be entertained.

I have been known to belt out a tune or two at karaoke but find it embarrassing to sing at church. It is possible that alcohol may be a factor…

Funny how a bum isn’t responsible enough to hold down a job, yet manages to beg money from a median strip or a convenience store for several hours. Early morning through late afternoon, in almost any weather, they’re more reliable than the US Postal Service.

The editor of Ebony.com is in a bit of hot water after sending out a few tweets with a racist spin. Jamilah Lemieux blasted Raffi Williams after he questioned her commitment to diversity. Lemieux tweeted this rant after Williams offered to get her more info about a new magazine aimed at Conservative minorities: “Oh great, here comes a White dude telling me how to do this Black thing, Pass.” Trouble is, Raffi Williams is black. Proving once again, that diversity and tolerance are great as long as you have the same opinion as the Liberals.

Not to be outdone by Ebony, Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert sent out his own racist Tweet slamming Asians, after his show attempted to lampoon Washington Redskin’s owner Dan Snyder, who’s refusing to change the team’s name. Calls have been made to cancel the show or fire Colbert. If that does happen, where will the Occu-punks and Libtards get their news?

Does anyone else find it ironic that the latest Boston Gun Buy Back is sponsored by “Target”?

Every time there’s a promotional exam, several people go out injured. After picking up my copy of the Rules and Regs from the Academy, I may go out with a hernia. It’s like carrying a #$%&*#@ suitcase. I can’t believe any of us are still employed with that many regulations governing our conduct.

I went to a party held at a golf course. Due to inclement weather I let my wife off out front. She got mad because the sign said “bag drop”.

Speaking of golf-it’s one of only two sports you can play for life. The other is hockey. No matter how old you are or how much your skills have waned, you can still find enjoyment just from being out there.

President Obama met with Pope Francis, hoping some of the Pope’s luster will rub off on him. Considering the Obama administration’s attacks on Christianity, I wonder what they discussed? Conflicting reports on the topic of the meetings were provided by Obama, and the Vatican. Noting the President’s track record, I’m going to lean toward the version supplied by the Holy See. Disagree? I only have this to say: “If you like your health care plan you can keep your health care plan-period.”

Meanwhile, across the pond-it’s been reported that UK hospitals have been incinerating medical waste for heat. Sounds so green, doesn’t it, until you learn that included in what’s called “medical waste” were over 15,000 aborted and miscarried fetuses. Hmm I recall some other group in Europe burning bodies in ovens…just sayin’

A Louisiana Sex Shop has been blasted for accepting EBT to purchase their (ahem) products. Apparently these leeches think edible undies are one of the four food groups.

Concerning the above item; how convenient is it that Liberals like Deval Patrick dismiss them as mere “anecdotes” even though they are true stories. BUT if you attempt to limit EBT abuse, the Loony-left concoct all kinds of imaginary scenarios and declare them to be true. I guess that’s the best part of being a liberal, facts don’t apply to you.

I saw a sign at a park that reminded people to pick up after their pets. It featured silhouettes of a dog and a cat. Who the hell walks a cat?? Really!

With the Retro in my wife and I decided to treat ourselves to a night on the town. After dinner at the Capitol Grille, we wandered down Boylston St. With an Anime Convention at the Hynes, we were treated to a myriad of cartoon characters along the route. How ironic was it, that as I enjoyed a cigar in the great outdoors, a kid painted blue and silver, sporting a pair of horns and a fur vest actually made a face at ME for smoking.

Looks like the village idiot, also known as Vice President Joe Biden let the cat out of the bag when he referred to Illegal Aliens as already citizens. Just because you let them vote Joe, and give them benefits Joe, and pander to them Joe, and ignore their criminal activities, Joe, doesn’t make them citizens. A citizen would have been arrested for perpetrating any of these frauds, Joe. Stupid is as stupid does…

Another contender for Dumbocratic Champion is Nevada Senator, and Majority Leader Harry Reid. After Republicans reported numerous cases of the shortcomings of Obamacare, Reid claimed they were all lies. He then denied his statements, even after videos were produced showing them. Either Reid thinks the American people are that dumb, or Harry is suffering from dementia. Neither of these choices is appealing to the USA.

Not to be outdone by these two, Rep Sheila Jackson Lee, who has referred to herself as a freed slave, has made her own bizarre statements. Including: Klansmen are now running the TEA Party; There are still two Viet Nams -one North and one South- living together in peace (author’s note: I was under the impression that ALL Liberals knew the outcome of that war); US Astronauts planted a flag on Mars, and her latest gem-the US Constitution is 400 years old. Critics have said the Congresswoman’s braids are too tight, I may have to agree…yet all you get from the mainstream media is: Chris Christie, the Koch brothers, Ted Cruz, not one of whom has made statements even vaguely as outrageous as these. And let’s not forget dear leader’s: “57 states”; speaking “Austrian”; bowling like a “special Olympian” Gone are the days of Woodward and Bernstein-they’ve been replaced by sycophantic lapdogs who toe the party line at the cost of journalistic integrity. I’m reminded of the old line about the Soviet press. In the old USSR there were two newspapers, called Pravda (truth) and Izvestia (news). The joke went in Pravda there is no Izvestia, and in Izvestia, there is no Pravda. That’s where we’re heading here.

And to finish (with another seamless segue) the Obama Administration, through the FCC is proposing implementation of “CIN” or Critical Information Needs, wherein a Government monitor would decide what stories are reported on during newscasts, in papers ,and magazines, effectively censoring opposition! This is no pie in the sky conspiracy theory, this is legit! A pilot program is underway in South Carolina. Last time I checked, freedom of the press is guaranteed under the First Amendment-you know the one Liberals always trot out to bolster their position when they want to rip down a crèche. But Obama is the best president ever, Joe Biden should be leading Mensa, the IRS is not out of control, and Obamacare will keep us all healthy-now please stop pointing that gun at me!

Stay safe, thanks for reading, and don’t forget the Commissioner’s Cup! I don’t know who’ll win this year, but I know who won’t-hint: 4 time champs who forgot humility…

On a more serious note, a Back Bay fire claimed the lives of two Boston Firemen-and although I like to joke around, we both serve in dangerous professions. I don’t usually put words in others’ mouths but I don’t think I’m out of line by saying the thoughts and prayers of the staff of the PAX, and the entire Police Department are with the friends of families of these two “Bravest”. Rest in Peace Lt Walsh and Firefighter Kennedy, you truly are heroes, in every sense of that word.