Everyone
Gets a Trophy
Pro
Golfer Bubba Watson caused a bit of a stir, when he celebrated his Master’s Win
at the local Waffle House. I can’t see why everyone was so surprised; where
else would a guy named Bubba party?
I know an Officer who’s so bipolar, he does
Good Cop/Bad Cop by himself.
Twitter is like the bathroom
wall of the Internet-that can’t be painted over (thx Mike!)
Lingerie is French for “you’ll never
see me after marriage”
Some notes on the Boston
Marathon:
Security was able to search bags
before people entered the “hot zone”, so why couldn’t they search the backpacks
of the Military “Ruck” runners?
Most spectators couldn’t thank
Police enough for their service along the route. I wonder if they changed that
to “something else you” after the papers published the co$t… But it was
appreciated nonetheless.
Many groups reward their runners
with a get together when the race is done. Where’s the BPD after-party?
To date, not one Police Officer
assigned to the finish line during last year’s bombing has been officially
recognized by the Department. The Boston Fire Department will be honoring nine
Firefighters at their annual Awards Ceremony after reviewing hundreds of
photos, and hours of footage, to determine meritorious actions at the site of
the bombings. We got a pin.
The addition of food carts to
feed the Officers assigned to the Marathon was a great idea. Hopefully there
are plans for the BPPA to get one. If they do, I know a guy who’d be interested
in the chef’s position…
I refuse to believe the plate on
the water truck is: MIA
Forget the cycling Murrays, the
end of the marathon should be marked by the Milwaukee Brewers’ “Sausage
Racers”.
From the Command Staff to the
Patrolmen, everyone did a great job! It’s now safe to say, we’re 117-1!
Has anyone else noticed the radio now sounds
like a bad Dunkin Donuts drive through?
The Mayor of Somerville, Joe
Curatone has decreed that Illegal Aliens will no longer be arrested-just for
being illegal. They can be detained if they have a criminal warrant, or are
arrested for another offense. Oh, and don’t forget, two years ago, Alcalde Jose
decreed you can’t refer to them as “illegal aliens”. Muchos Gracias! American
citizens will continue to be locked up in Somerville as usual.
Uber Liberal Alec Baldwin was arrested in
NYC near his home after running afoul of the NYPD. The incident started with
Baldwin once again complaining to Police about the paparazzi camped out near
his downtown digs. He was taken into custody after failing to produce an ID for
a civil violation of bicycling against traffic. How ironic: a flaming liberal
arrested for no ID!! It was also noted Alec threw out the old “Do you know who
I am?” to arresting Officers. In a TWEET following his pinch, Baldwin opined: "New York City is a mismanaged carnival of
stupidity that is desperate for revenue and anxious to criminalize behavior
once thought benign." Now I ask you, gentle
reader, is this simply a case of Baldwin vs. de Blasio for title of Biggest
Libtard in New York? Hey, Alec, these are YOUR people calling the shots- how ya
like Dem (Big) Apples? File Under: Between a 30 Rock and a hard place…
Just a thought on Global Warming-while
wearing my coat with liner, and knit hat on a detail in MAY! Why can’t the
Greenhouse gasses escape through the hole in the ozone layer?
Hopefully Marty Walsh will be re-elected as mayor
of Boston; it’ll take at least two terms to remove the prior Mayor’s name from
everything.
LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling made some pretty
nasty racially charged remarks. The fallout resulted in the NBA and its Board
of Governors banning him for life, fining him $2.5 million, and forcing
Sterling to sell the team. Sterling has responded with a lawsuit for $2 billion
seeking damages. As despicable as his comments were, this issue is looking more
about green as black or white.
MERS (Middle East Respiratory Syndrome) has been
reported in the United States. The disease is believed to have originated in
Saudi Arabia, and is possibly contracted from camels. Hmm MERS from camels,
AIDS from monkeys, can you crazy Third World perverts STOP making out with
animals?
The Liberals and Greens claim regulation and
taxes are needed to save the planet “for the children” BUT these same Libs see nothing
wrong with dumping the astronomical cost of Obamacare on these same kids. At
least they can look out the window at work and see some nice trees.
When we were young, our parents warned us to stay
away from strangers in cars, now drunk kids don’t think twice about getting in
a sketchy livery vehicle. #strangerdanger!
If Deval Patrick runs for President, Justina
Pelletier should be his Willie Horton.
I passed by Franklin Park Golf Course and
couldn’t help but notice the large flocks of Canada geese. I thought to myself,
with the close proximity of the zoo, how funny would it be if a bunch of them
landed in the lion’s cage…
Boston prides itself on being a walking city
and I think that’s great. Just one thing, though, could someone teach these
idiots how to cross a street? I feel like taking a bat and smashing the
pedestrian lights at every intersection-and I bet NO ONE would notice, because
the %^$&#( pedestrians pay no mind to them anyway! How about making the
fine for jay-walking comparable to the fine for failing to stop for a
pedestrian, then aggressively enforcing that! I’d bet traffic would flow a lot
smoother. Oh and whoever came up with the new traffic light patterns should be
charged accordingly when someone gets hit. They are ridiculous-people should
not be getting a walk signal when cars are turning through an intersection.
I did a detail near Agganis Arena, which was
hosting the “New England Robotics Championship”. It was like watching an eight
hour marathon of “The Big Bang Theory” minus the hot neighbor.
I believe I speak for everyone when I say
the song “Happy” should meet the same fate as “Achy-Breaky Heart” and NEVER be
played on the radio again…
An audit of the Boston Public School’s lunch
program has shown it is losing millions and is among the worst places to work.
Who would have guessed mystery meat was so expensive?
Another Muslim immigrant to our shores has
been implicated in the Marathon Bombing. At least this one had a job.
A New Hampshire father was arrested at a Gilford
School Board Meeting, after voicing his objection to a book on the reading list
which contained graphic sex passages. William Baer protested that a permission
slip was not issued this year-as has been the case in the past. He was led from
the meeting in handcuffs for violating the “two minute” rule for speakers. Funny,
offensive language was removed from literary classic “Huckleberry Finn”, so why
not this book?
A US Marine-Sgt Andrew Tamooressi, who
suffers from PTSD, is languishing in a Mexican prison on a weapons charge,
after he took a wrong turn at the border. Although there may be more to this,
the Administration appears to be dragging their feet in an effort to bring this
vet home. Here’s an idea-let’s propose an exchange. We’ll send back all
Mexicans here illegally in exchange for our soldier…
Massachusetts Legislators are proposing more new
gun laws. As usual, these laws will only affect LEGAL gun owners. There are no
provisions regarding criminals or the mentally ill. These are the same clowns
that claim Climate Change is settled science, but deny the FACT that more guns
= less crime. Here’s a unique idea, enforce the laws on the books, before you
further restrict my CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS!
Dan Marino, Hall of Fame QB for the Miami
Dolphins, is suing the NFL over its failure to address injuries-specifically
concussions. That would explain his wooden performance in Ace Ventura-Pet
Detective. Laces OUT Dan!
Police
in Kentucky have seized 3 million dollars worth of stolen shoes. The NIKE
footwear went missing in 2009 while being shipped from Tennessee to Texas. How
do you fit $3 million dollars worth of shoes in a double wide? Those must be
some stylish hillbillies!
Several national chains have asked patrons
not to carry firearms onto their premises. Sonic, Chili’s, Starbucks, Chipotle,
Wendy’s, and Applebee’s are among those participating in this policy. Just a
thought-are they asking patrons not to exercise any of their other
Constitutional Rights in their businesses-or just this one? By the way, if I or
anyone else chooses to ignore this “request” what’s the worst they can do, ask
you to leave?
After an avalanche on Mt Everest killed several
of their fellows, Nepalese Sherpa guides have stated they won’t assist climbers
during this season. They will now be known as Shirkers. More news from the
world’s tallest peak: Embarking from the Tibetan (China) side of Everest (where
there are no age restrictions on climbers) an impoverished 13 y.o. Indian girl
scaled Mt Everest. Coming from the lowest caste in India (referred to as the
“untouchables” because of their abject poverty) Malavath Poorna was sponsored
by the Andhra Pradesh Social Welfare Society. A radio news report referred to
her as “Slumdog Mountaineer” Jeez, if I wrote that we’d been in the news
again…just sayin’
Another scandal now dogs the Obama
Administration. Officials at several Veterans’ Administration Hospitals have
been implicated in a growing controversy that may foreshadow patient treatment
under Obamacare. It seems some vets are being placed on lists, and denied
prompt appointments for sometimes life threatening conditions. A number of VA
Officials have been canned, including head of the VA, former General, Eric
Shinseki. A Bi-Partisan group of Senators, led by Republican John McCain, and Independent/Socialist
Bernie Sanders is drafting legislation that would allow veterans to seek care
at other medical venues, with full reimbursement if they cannot get an
appointment at their local VA Hospitals. It’s either that or claim they’re
Illegal Aliens, so they’ll get their benefits faster. #deathpanel
The only American POW in Afghanistan, Sgt Bowe
Bergdahl has been returned to the US Army in exchange for 5 hardened Taliban
Commanders from Gitmo. Controversy surrounds the swap (but what else is new for
Obama) after several of his former comrades claim Bergdahl is a deserter. More
to follow as this unfolds. One can only hope the swapped terrorists got a (GPS)
bug up their @$$ ala “Gigi Portella” and a drone will put a rocket in their
pocket before they can kill more Americans. If it’s true Bergdahl is a
deserter, he should be welcomed home with a 21 gun salute-pointed at his chest.
Pop tart Justin Bieber is doing the public
mea culpa after a video surfaced of him telling racist jokes. Hmm what are they
going to make him sell-he actually used the “N” word?? I didn’t even know he
was dating V Stiviano! File under: KKKanada…
Elliot Rodger, a child of liberal privilege went
on a murderous rampage that left 6 dead and 13 wounded, after he couldn’t get a
date. During his spree, Rodger stabbed, ran over with his car, and shot his
victims, because he felt rejected by women, and couldn’t lose his virginity.
Although he employed different means to dispatch his victims, the do-gooders
immediately attacked guns. There was no talk of banning knives and BMW’s.
Rodger proves the point that a nut who’s bent on murder, will employ any means
necessary to satisfy his urges.
I recently fielded a call for a naked woman
in Copley Sq Park. It’s not what you think, supermodels rarely pass out nude on
my beat. The drunken homeless woman was stripped from the waist down, and
sprawled out in the grass. The sight has made me swear off sex for at least a
month-it will be easy, I’m married…
I have a small pile of sand in my yard, and my
dog will roll around in it, then climb into my bed, spreading it onto the
sheets. Pair that with the hot flashes I get from my medication, and it’s like
sleeping on the beach.
Enjoy your summer, have fun on vacation,
hydrate on your details, good luck on the Sergeant’s test, wear sunscreen, and
try not to get ordered too much. Thanks for reading!
