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Tuesday, June 2, 2015

See That Mountain? I made it From a Mole Hill All by Myself…


        Why is it that you settle down with a mate, but settle up with a bartender?
        
     I’ve been a cop for so long I had cases in front of the judges who are now portraits in the courthouse.
        
     When choosing a restaurant remember, “rustic” means the tables are thisclosetogether, and “intimate” means the lighting is poor.
        
     Men only think of three things:
Food
Sex
How do I get the other two between games
       
     Every generation of cops marches off to retirement with the refrain “the job’s gone, kid”
        
     When I wear my issued winter hat, I hope I look like DeNiro in the Deerhunter. Unfortunately, the fit is so poor I look more like Waldo.
        
     Before politicians force body cameras on cops, they better think about scenarios like this:
“Councilor, I pulled you over because you’re weaving all over the road. I think you may have had too much to drink.-maybe Mrs Councilor should drive…OH, that isn’t Mrs Councilor? Why yes, sir, this IS a body cam”. File under: “Smile! You’re on Candid (body) Camera”
        
     Thug thug thug, thug thug. Thug thug thug thugthug, THUG. Nope, still not seeing that as a problem…this word, as I use it and understand it, is not some racist dog whistle. It refers to a person who does not comport to the rules of society, and uses violence, brutality and intimidation to wreak havoc on his community or fellow citizens. As anyone who reads my drivel notes, I divide the use of this word equally between gangsters (of any color) and Islamo-Fascist terrorists. I will continue to use it in that manner, and no thug will dissuade me.
        
     “Uber” is Danish for $%^*# up traffic.
        
     A comedian rattles off jokes, a humorist just writes his down.
        
     How is it that if a cop is shot, or injured, inevitably some idiot talking head or clueless politician babbles on about the risks involved in Law Enforcement, etc, etc. Stipulated. So, why is that standard not applied to gang bangers and terrorists? Surely they know the possible dangers.
        
     When has the simple act of turning a car around become such a task for many drivers, especially the ones that come by MY details???
        
     New note on all day off requests: I.D.C.I.I.I.O.T: I don’t care if it incurs overtime.
        
     Sometimes my hair gets so long it looks like a toupee.
        
     On my way to court one morning recently, I passed a group of guys drinking on a street corner. I thought to myself, they must be going to a golf tournament or are on vacation.
        
    President Obama took up the mantle from disgraced FORMER Attorney General Holder when he too referred to Police as an “occupying force”. And to that end, he’s shutting down a program that offers Law Enforcement surplus military equipment. Now I don’t see the need for a tank (YET), but some of the stuff comes in handy when dealing with the criminal element or disruptive protesters. What galls me is the fact that the most mentioned piece of used gear that had Barry and his cronies in a tizzy was: camouflage uniforms.
        
     Local activist Jamarhl Crawford is urging the Feds to investigate the Boston Police Department. He claims that the last few Officer involved shootings (OIS) were racist. In a case of never let the facts get in the way, he sent his missive off despite the FACT that the last nine OIS in Boston all involved violent armed criminals or mentally deranged armed individuals, all of whom attacked, shot or shot at BPD Officers.
        
     On a related note: after a seven year old boy was hit with a round, during a brazen daylight shooting on Bowdoin St, I congratulate Chief Gross and Mayor Marty Walsh for calling out “activists” and expressing outrage that there is no outrage. A child was shot (not the first in these parts either) and yet, no protest, no march, no vigil, no information forthcoming from the Occupy frauds and their stooges at #blacklivesmatter. It seems these folks only give a crap when it fits their agenda.
        
     During a rainstorm, my phone blew up with warnings of flash floods. I thought, how the hell do they know where I am? I guess the Government IS spying on me. Hey NSA, good luck sifting through all this crap.
        
     Sometimes I feel like a banana republic dictator. I pick up a rake or shovel and my family disappears.
        
     Well, one of America’s greatest athletes, Olympic Gold Medalist Bruce Jenner, wants to become a woman. I guess being on the Wheaties box wasn’t enough, now he wants to be on the cover of Tampax.
        
     Terrorist THUG (there it is!) Dzokhar Tsarnaev was sentenced to DEATH ,by a Massachusetts jury no less (maybe there is some hope for Liberals) for his role in the Marathon Bombing that left 4 (now 5) dead and hundreds injured. During the penalty phase, relatives of Tsarnaev (excluding his felon/wanted Mother) travelled to Boston on the taxpayer’s dime to defend the tousle haired youth against the Great Satan. They recalled a smiling boy, in awe of his older brother, who cried at the “Lion King” (I’m sure when Scar got it). It took less than 10 years for Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh to ride the needle, I sincerely hope the Joker doesn’t reach 30.
       
     How is it that every firehouse is always built with adequate parking including a few extra spots for visitors, but Police stations, not so much?
        loved my grandmother, yet I hate my nanny state.
        
     Gloucester Police have announced that they will not pursue criminal charges against addicts who turn in their drugs and seek treatment. A novel and noble approach, as long as the town of Gloucester uses/establishes a methadone clinic in their area rather than ship the junkies down to Boston. We have an over abundance of these individuals straining our services and patience, including a good percentage who are not from this state let alone the city. If this is just another feel good NIMBY project, you can keep them.
        
     Secretary of State John Kerry broke his leg in a bicycle accident while in France. He immediately returned to the US. Just a few questions: Was he riding that spiffy pink bike he’s been pictured on? Did the accident occur as he swayed to the iPod tunes of James Taylor, and Sheryl Crow? And; if European health care is so good, that we wrecked ours under Obamacare to mirror theirs, why didn’t he just stay there. File under: Do as I say, not as I do
        
     Six Baltimore cops have been indicted on a plethora of charges including murder for the custody death of Freddy Gray, who died after his spine was severed while being transported in a Baltimore Police van. Another prisoner in the same van claims he heard the deceased thrashing around in his compartment, and did not hear any indication the police were involved. His testimony has been scrutinized, because it cannot be corroborated. Now I ask you gentle reader, if he said “I heard the cops beating that poor man”, would he have been so quickly dismissed, or star witness for the prosecution??The death sparked days of rioting, burning and looting. Since the indictments, a demoralized Baltimore PD has been, shall we say, lax in pro-active policing, resulting in a 25% rise in crime. Unrest which led to a statement from Baltimore’s Mayor Stephanie Rawlings Blake that she would allow rioters “room to destroy”. Huh?!?!?  Madam Mayor, even if you feel that way, that’s a thought you keep to yourself, or among your advisors, or nearest and dearest NOT out loud during a press conference. Encouraging rioters is leadership the good people of Baltimore should not have to endure. Here’s hoping to a swift resolution, after a thorough investigation.
        
     Finally, the Police Department has instructed that “Caution Wet Floor” signs be placed near every Detail/OT board in all stations in order to minimize the possibility of Officers slipping on tears after the new 18 hour rule is implemented. Since this article is being submitted prior to the rule’s projected start date, the author will defer to a future issue to weigh its impact.