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Friday, December 6, 2013

Tools of Immediate Means


Tools of Immediate Means


Does anyone else find it hard to stir up some sympathy for Marathon Bombing suspect Dzokhar Tsarnaev, because he’s having a hard time in prison?

I got laryngitis, and my wife refused to take me to the doctor’s...

          I’m always amazed at how gullible the voting public is. Every election cycle aspiring politicians have a plank in their platform for education. If these nitwits EVER came through on that campaign promise, Harvard and Yale would be having fistfights over Public School grads.

          If you were yoga pants and they look wrinkled, maybe you shouldn’t…

          How does someone with no job manage to come up with $5000 for bail, ON A SUNDAY?!?!

          It should be a law that all signs for losing candidates be removed within 48 hours of the Primary…

          Why don’t they accept cash on a plane? It’s not like you’d get far after the robbery…

          Once again the ear leader has proven he can do things better than Bush-Obama’s approval rating is now at 37% after only 5 years in office-it took Bush 7 years to sink to that level!

          I got kicked out of Mensa for being the smart…ASS!

          I will agree with Liberals that crazy people should not be allowed to carry guns, but I doubt they will reciprocate and agree that crazy people should not be allowed to vote.

          A disgruntled, insane Defense contractor stormed the Washington DC Navy Yard. Armed with a shotgun he terrorized the site, killing 12 and wounding 3. Washington DC Mayor Gray called the incident “isolated”. Obviously he’s NEVER looked at DC’s murder stats. OR, if the incident IS isolated, then why do these Libs keep insisting the rest of us be disarmed? Hmmmm

          In an article that appeared on “the Blaze”- it was reported that the FBI was informed Boston area mosques were “radicalizing” young Muslims, including the Tsarnaev brothers. When are we going to wake up? Oh, and don’t forget how the city gave them the land in a sweetheart deal-talk about biting the hand!

          After the horrific Newtown Shooting, President Obama called for stricter gun control laws. He claimed that if it saved just one child, trampling our Constitutional Rights would be worth it. I wonder how surprised he was when Sen Harry Reid (DEMOCRAT) said he wasn’t concerned about children with cancer getting lifesaving meds during the Federal shutdown. Guess those kids only count as props when needed by Harry & Barry.

          Just to show the National Dems got nothing on our locals, Rep Ben Swan (D) ope Springfield has filed a bill (for the 16th time, no less) that would make cursing an offense punishable by termination for Police Officers. I have two words for you Rep Swan, and they ain’t “Happy Birthday!”

          Conservative Dr Ben Carson spoke out against Obamacare at the National Prayer Breakfast, panning the bill despite its namesake being present. He soon thereafter found himself facing an audit from the IRS, who found nothing, but decided to go back another 3 years “just in case”. BUT, don’t read anything into this; it’s all a “coincidence”. If you believe that, you’re going to believe you can keep your Cadillac Health Care for less money, too.

          An amateur chemist in Hyde Park blew off both his hands while “experimenting” with stuff in his apartment. I’m leaning toward two possible explanations; a domestic terrorist, or too much “Breaking Bad”. Either way the citizens of the Commonwealth will be footing the bill to give this idiot a hand.

          When was the last time anyone in the US (without any other issues) actually starved to death? The way these Libs carry on, you’d think, as cops that we’d be coming across emaciated bodies at least once a week during our patrols.

          In typical Liberal fashion, the taxpaying public was punished during the Federal Government Shutdown. Monuments, parks, even the Grand Canyon and Mt Rushmore were off limits. Only our Federal Government could figure out a way to close a mountain, and a hole in the ground. BUT, don’t fret, the barry-cades were moved to allow Illegal Aliens free use of the National Mall for a rally while members of the Greatest Generation were denied access to the WW 2 and Iwo Jima Memorials occupying the same space. However, ear leader and his henchmen from the NPS were thwarted when veterans removed the obstacles, ignored the officials, and stormed the sights. These were the men that landed at Normandy; did that idiot in the White House expect anything less?

          Oh, and in case anyone was wondering, it cost more to close the sights than it would have to leave them open. Way to go! U-S-A! U-S-A!

          EBT users in 17 states found out the hard way what’s in store when the Government runs out of taxpayer cash for their “entitlements”. For several hours, the cards wouldn’t work. In such cases, transactions are supposed to be limited to $50 for emergency food and meds, but retail giant Wal-Mart, allowed the carts to go through loaded with goodies, over and above the $50 limit. In a show of good faith, the layabouts made sure to grab up TV’s and other pricey electronics. Hey, after all when you’re entitled, you’re entitled.

          My brother in law is a fireman, but I thought I had the last laugh when my little nephew wanted to go out as a cop for Halloween. I told him it was because he didn’t want to sleep through the candy grab. BUT, he changed his mind and his costume to Fireman when my brother in law told he’d get 25% less candy as a cop.

        %&&%&RFVJL IPOHUPIVJ

          Just when you think you have the crappiest job on the construction site, the guy shows up to clean the port-a-potties.

          Instructions for Obamacare will be available in over 180 languages. Isn’t that how we ended up in this mess in the first place?

          On a recent trip to Florida, I saw a Chik-Fil-A and decided to try the cuisine. I figured any place that could piss off Mumbles deserved a shot. The doors were locked-apparently those religious zealots close on Sundays. I managed to get by later in the week and was so mad they were “banned in Boston”. Funny, the owner expressed an opinion on gay marriage and was prohibited from opening in Boston, but the city provided land for a mosque. Correct me if I’m wrong but Islam’s view on homosexuality is quite harsher than just not allowing gays to wed, isn’t it?

Also seen in Florida, a cop on detail with a lounge chair, umbrella for shade, and a cooler of water, who managed to perform his duties without a hitch! Imagine the outcry here?

          Florida also indulgences in the banned in Mass tradition of “Happy Hour”. Those of you of an age can remember discounted drinks, and scheduling your night around these bargain buzzes.

          More from Florida-I went to Hooters (just for the wings of course) and couldn’t help but notice the table of Muslims, close by. The smell of irony completely masked the fried chicken, as the wives sat quietly in their hijabs while the nearly naked waitresses served the table.

          Another Florida staple- I “visited” was Krispy-Kreme (DAMN YOU! Dunkies) you can actually hear yourself getting fatter just from the aroma, but you can’t stop eating those doughnuts! I’m convinced there is crack in the glaze.

          Brookline has banned plastic bags and Styrofoam cups in favor of paper goods. With that many empty brown bags lying around look for more ugly people having sex…

          It must be an Italian thing but we (Italians) constantly think about food. We’ve no sooner finished breakfast, and then we start thinking about dinner. I’d like to say I think about sex as often, but it’s easier to open the fridge!

          A cop in Tennessee was fired after shooting a squirrel that wandered in to a dollar store-terrifying the customers and employees. He followed procedures regarding escalation of force after his OC spray failed to stop the rampaging rodent, but the Officer was terminated for wasting food.

          Darius Rucker has found success with his venture into country music, but does anyone know what he did with the Blowfish? File under: “I give a hootie!”

          Gentlemen, I’ve been criticized for making what some may call chauvinistic comments, so to show I’m not biased, I implore my fellow males to refrain from wearing short shorts. Despite however many hours you spend in the gym no one wants to see you in your “DAISY DUDES”!

          My next door neighbor refers to my wife as “madam”, strangely enough, I do too. I call her “my damn wife”…

          Although they still use champagne to celebrate big wins, baseball players now spray the bubbly while wearing riot helmets and ski goggles. And the pansification of America continues.

          I recently dropped my party affiliation with the election department. I am now un-enrolled. “Un-enrolled”? They make it seem like I’m missing something.

          A North Dakota woman handed out notes to chubby kids on Halloween instead of candy. The note expressed her opinion that because the kid was overweight, she felt they should not get candy. I wonder how long it took for her to get the TP off her trees and clean the eggs off her house. Just shut your lights out next year you hag!

          President Obama used the NSA to spy on Germany’s President Angela Merkel. He wanted to know what the world’s most powerful woman was up to. Now Oprah AND Michelle aren’t talking to him!

          A truck carrying radioactive material was hijacked in Mexico. The semi was recovered with all the contents accounted for, but one of the containers had opened, contaminating the truck. Authorities are looking for the driver, fearing he could die from radiation sickness. He should be easy to spot; he’ll be the guy glowing…

          With all the forced overtime to provide security when the local teams hit the playoffs, you’ll be hard-pressed to find any fans of the Bruins, Patriots, Red Sox or Celtics among the rank and file of the BPD.

          I worked Halloween for the first time in several years. I was amazed at the skimpy costumes sported by the local girls. Sexy nurse, sexy schoolgirl, sexy cheerleader, etc. I even saw a sexy Muslim-her burkha showed her ankles.

          After making a nasty comment regarding former Alaska Gov Sarah Palin, MSNBC host Martin Bashir found himself in hot water. He has resigned. Looks like Marty’s in the $#!+ now. I guess eating crow will have to suffice in this case.

          Funny, Mitt Romney hasn’t been Governor in MA for several years, YET the state’s healthcare system is still referred to as “Romneycare”. BUT after his signature legislation and Presidential legacy “Obamacare” has proved to be a bust-it’s now being called “Affordable Care Act”. Sorry Mr. President, this is your bill-OWN IT!

          The Sriracha Hot Sauce plant in Irwindale CA has been temporarily shut down after residents complained the peppery odor was causing respiratory problems in the neighborhood. Many homeowners were duped by the Real Estate agents claims the area was HOT HOT HOT!

          Have you ever noticed how sad most Christmas decorations look during daylight hours? The snowmen are dingy, the deflated Santa looks like trash, and the strings of lights look like cobwebs. BUT plug ‘em in at night and they become the Christmas miracle.

          While I won’t call myself “devout” I have been attending church lately. I’m having difficulty following along since they’ve changed the wording to some of the prayers. The good Sisters of Notre Dame spent long hours beating the catechism into me. The lessons were so strong I’m looking around for Sister Henrietta and her ruler when I say the new words. #Amen!