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Saturday, January 10, 2015

“Cotton Headed Ninny-Muggins”

          Is brushing your teeth before going to the dentist like cleaning your car before you go to the car wash?
          
     Have you ever had a meal that was so good, you wish you could go back in time 15 minutes and eat it again?
          
     Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Absolute vodka intoxicates, absolutely.
          
     I don’t own an assault rifle, I own a modern sporting rifle. Sounds so harmless-TAKE THAT gun grabbing liberals!!
          
      I don’t think it’s the tryptophan that makes you sleepy after your Thanksgiving meal, rather it’s the fact you just consumed more food than an entire Central American village.

I went by a group of PETA protesters, spouting their nonsense about meat and fur. Obviously, one of them didn’t get the memo, and held up her sign wearing a pair of leather gloves.

My son opined that since a dog’s nose is about 100 million times better than a human’s, how good it must smell when someone’s cooking say a steak, for instance. I countered that most people fart more than they eat steak.

I find it funny that it’s all ALWAYS OUR fault when someone gets to the booking desk.

All units be sure to have their PPE or Riot Gear available at all times, but you won’t be using it. It seems there is a better chance of getting a hernia from carrying it around, than being struck by a bottle.

Somerville is known as the “All American City”, but since local pols have made it a sanctuary destination, it will soon be the “Non-American City”

Why do Reproductive Rights include abortion? A procedure that by its very nature, halts reproduction.

Liberals sold the de-criminalization of marijuana by claiming pot was harmless-hmm, in two high (pun intended) profile cases, the use of dope was anything but. Marathon bomber Dzokhar Tsarnaev’s buddy Robel Phillipos claimed in his defense that he was so high on pot that he did not know what he was doing when he dumped evidence from Tsarnaev’s dorm room. Gentle Giant Mike Brown’s toxicology report showed marijuana in his blood and urine. Brown was killed in a confrontation with a Ferguson, MO Police Officer after a robbery. That, boys and girls is why they call it “dope”.

If you want to know who the smartest man in the room is, just wait, when he tells you, cross him off the list ASAP.

How do you spot a true believer?                                                                  Ask a liberal woman if she would forego a diamond. Ask an atheist to sell their soul. Ask an abortion rights activist to support the death penalty.

Last year I remodeled the bath in my master bedroom. This included a new light fixture that features a fluorescent bulb, which is just now starting to go. I may take my time replacing it though, because the dim light makes me look ten years younger.

President Obama mentioned in a speech that Muslims were a “part of the fabric of America” from the very beginning. As a student of history, I don’t recall seeing that in any of the books I read. File under: Osama Ben Franklin.

Diversity includes diversity of opinion.

A possible Ebola patient is being treated at Mass General. He asked his caregiver why he’s only been getting pancakes, and pizza to eat. The doc replied:”because that’s all that will slide under the door”

China has banned all puns- that may be a good thing for US consumers. Have you ever seen the horrible grammar on those translated instructions??? Puns banned-crap I’d be facing a Death Penalty.

The Obama Administration nominated Soap Opera producer and $$$ campaign donor Colleen Bell as Ambassador to Hungary. A spokesman could not articulate any specific qualifications, but it’s rumored during an interview, when asked how her appointment would benefit US/Hungary relations, she replied; “I’d feed them, of course…” (take THAT China!)

Republican Charlie Baker was elected Governor of Mass, after defeating Democratic challenger Martha Coakley. It should be a relief for the taxpayers to have Baker at the helm, at least fiscally. And to dispel that rumor Baker will lay waste to the pension system, I offer two good reasons: First, the Commonwealth views your pension as a contract between you (worker) and the state-with SJC case law to back that up. It cannot be altered by either party, once an employee is vested in the system. Which leads me to point two; only new employees’ pensions can be modified, which would be made clear when hired And any of you skeptics who still cling to the myth of the Democrat as a supporter of the working man, look at your check, we all pay different amounts toward our contribution, ranging from 6% to 13%, thank you donkeys. Oh, and don’t forget outgoing Gov Patrick (D!) cut our Quinn Bill pay, and put flagmen on the street. Hey Deval, don’t let the door to your (former) $11 million office hit you in the backside on the way out.

Speaking of our outgoing diminutive Governor, Patrick almost took the crown of worst governor ever from Mike Dukakis. Patrick’s title hopes were smashed when the headrest to the Governor’s limo was found, and Dukakis testified on behalf of Marathon Bombing accesory after the fact Robel Phillipos. Don’t feel bad for Deval, he’ll always be number two. (catch me if you can Red China)

The ballot questions also proved a boon to taxpayers. Q1, an automatic gas tax increase was scrapped, and Q2 a higher/expanded bottle deposit got taken out handily. Casinos will go forward (Q3) and paid sick time (Q4) will be offered to all employees. And in typical Massachusetts’ fashion despite Republican gains in the US House and Senate, we still have nothing but D’s, just like my sophomore report card (somewhere in the politburo offices a commie is crying)

Since when has taking seats out of bus stops and parks constituted a solution to the problem of homeless/junkies congregating in certain urban areas?

As the riots, protests, and looting continue in Ferguson, MO and all over the US, I found myself thinking. We (Law Enforcement) have brought rock solid cases to court, only to be shocked when the result is a not guilty. Conversely, we have had weak cases that end in conviction. This is our system, however flawed it may be. Just because a case doesn’t come out your way, is no excuse to burn and steal. If you don’t like the way the system works, work to change it. You want to march, and shout your silly slogans, go right ahead. But when you destroy, all you do is create more discord not dialogue.

As cops, we all know nothing ever happens on the first floor. Not only is that true, but it’s usually freezing out, too!

I went to a charity event in East Boston recently. I wasn’t there more than five minutes before I started to sound like one of the extras from “Goodfellas”. #heeeyhowyoodewin-gooombahhhh

I won’t say the overtime in the Department is out of control, but has it gotten so overwhelming that patrolmen have to fill in the supervisor’s names too?

President Obama has signed an Executive Order halting the potential (HA!) deportation of about 5 million Illegal Aliens.  Considering the odds of this gamble Las Vegas was the perfect spot to unveil it. Obama forgot two things. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, and the House always wins. (screw you Chicoms!)

Speaking of Obama’s trip to Sin City, he brought on stage Astrid Silva, an Illegal Alien and well known activist-so much for “living in the shadows”. Just wondering why the press didn’t get all lathered up like they did over Charlie Baker’s fisherman. Now I ask you gentle reader, how does someone here illegally not only attend college, but become an “advisor(?)” to the Senate majority (not for long tee-hee) leader. I guess Massachusetts isn’t the only place illegal isn’t illegal!

Comedian Bill Cosby has come under fire for allegations of sexual abuse. One of America’s all-time favorite TV dads, Cosby has been accused by dozens of women claiming Dr Huxtable drugged them and played “doctor”. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we have a President who did something similar (minus the drugs)?? Remember, in America, everyone is innocent until proven guilty. If Cos did it, shame on him, if not, he need look no further than Clinton to gain his reputation back.

Recent events in Ferguson, and New York City, highlight the dangers Police Officers face every day. The “hands up don’t shoot” meme turned up everywhere –despite it being proved inaccurate, and false by eyewitnesses. The media continued to refer to the Officer’s tactics in NYC as a chokehold, even after being informed it was taught at one time in their Police Academy. The continued controversy is being fueled by the media, and race hustlers like Al Sharpton. Why even the top law enforcement official in the US, Attorney General Eric Holder has referred to the Police as an “occupying force”. Let just one of these phonies walk a beat-and encounter what we do on a daily basis. How would they deal with a 300 pound man intent on taking their gun? Or trying to handcuff an uncooperative giant? Just speculating here, but if the outcome were different-say Mike Brown got Officer Wilson’s gun? Would he have been satisfied to shake hands, and call it a day, or tell the Officer he’d drop it by the station later?  No, he was enraged and high, and made poor choices that day- which ruined many lives, least of which was his own. Cops know when you’re fighting over your duty weapon neither party is “unarmed”. I suppose if Big Mike got that weapon and shot Officer Wilson, the media portrayal of both parties would be a lot different-and everyone reading this knows that to be true. It would be bag pipes and flags. Brown would be locked away, and there would be no Ferguson. The case of Eric Garner is a bit more interesting, in part because of the video shot during the incident. Again, this is an industry specific publication. We have all been involved in struggles while trying to arrest a suspect. The fact that he was being arrested for a violation of city ordinances does nothing more than muddy the waters. If he were being arrested for murder or rape, would there be a media frenzy? Even a passively resisting offender takes at least four cops to handle, let alone a guy the size of an NFL lineman who didn’t want to go. Garner’s health issues were known to him, not the Police. If it was such a b@!!&#!+ charge, take the pinch-it wasn’t his first- and let the judge throw it out or fine you. HE chose to resist, and again, it cost him dearly. But what if the NYPD just let him go? Would the Officers then face the wrath of their supervisors, an irate City Councilor, Public Health Official? Don’t forget, this is the place that wanted to ban soft drinks! And Garner was selling-GASP…untaxed cigarettes!  The loss of a life is a tragedy, and to be avoided at all costs, but in some cases this is how it ends.


A little heavy for the Christmas issue, I‘ll agree. I could have gone on about the holiday tree-Creche on the square, Santa, and the lot, but got caught up in my deadline. So, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.!!