Follow by Email

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Si Se Puede!


            Summer time and the globe has been entertained by the World Cup in Brazil. B-O-R-I-N-G!! Soccer is the only thing the Third World does better than the US-unless you count big families, suicide bombers, drugs and border jumping. The games were filled with drama-guys were knocked down by mosquitoes or injured by dandelions, and writhed like they were electrocuted. There’s no reason to make a wall and cover the jewels, most of these guys don’t have any. The only thing manly occurred when a Dutch player got a cut on his head, and in true hockey fashion, got it stapled on the sideline and returned to the game. Talk about talent-most of lay with the announcers, especially when a team of players with only consonants in their names played a team with only vowels in theirs’- although they lost their cred when they whined about a game ending on Penalty Kicks. These are the same people who refer to overtime wins as “Sudden Victory”. The hype and commercials were more exciting than the games. Soccer is truly a sport made for ESPN, only the highlights are worth watching.
            Russia has invaded the Ukraine. Putin fooled Obama with the move, by marching in backwards, and telling him they were leaving.
           
       Only my department: the new computer system allows you to go off on a Code 303 (officer involved shooting) but not a Code 16(traffic enforcement). Who designed this thing, the same dopes that built the Obamacare Website??
            
     The very rich and the very poor have more in common than you’d think-they both have people working for them (Thanks LC)
            
     When you work with your hands a lot, you develop calluses to protect them. I ride my bike so much I’ve developed a call-ass. Speaking of riding my bike, I’ve about had it with the helmet Nazis. I was riding MY bike along a DCR trail, when I met a rider coming in the opposite direction. I should have known he was a dick because he was sporting the skin tight Tour De France starter kit. He began to furiously tap his forehead with is index finger. I shrugged and he yelled “helmet”- so I began to point at my forehead using a different finger, and yelled “take it easy Lance”. I would have challenged him further, but he looked too fit to fight.
            
     Funny how you’ll encounter a big mouth at work and their intestinal fortitude increases exponentially the farther away from you they get. I refer to this as the “20 Yard Tough Guy Phenomenon”
           
     I know we men are simple creatures, but a recent “Cosmo” cover blurted “where to touch to drive him WILD”. Really?? If you don’t already know that, you probably deserve to be alone…
            
     If the NFL forces Washington to change its name, but allows Kansas City keep theirs, they will have too many Chiefs, no Redskins?
           
     Have you ever woken up before your alarm clock goes off, then spend the time awake to make sure it does, and worried that it won’t?
            
     I saw a guy in a hoodie on a ninety degree day. I asked him “aren’t you hot” and he said, “No, it’s a lot warmer where I’m from”… And that’s the first time I ever met someone from Hell.
            
     While patrolling a housing development in the South End recently, I had to tag several double parked cars in the middle of the day. Many of the cars were newer models, and as I was issuing cites, several able bodied men ran out to move them. I guess they must all work nights.
           
     Is there any chance we could get militarized BEFORE we get de-militarized?
            
     We’ve all seen them, the junkies on the nod who contort their bodies into unusual positions, but NEVER fall. We should dress them all in colorful leotards, and call it “Cirque de Suboxone”
            
      A Federal Judge put long time Michigan Rep John Conyers back on the ballot, even after he failed to gather the requisite number of signatures. The Democrat who has been in Congress for almost 50 years couldn’t come up with 1000 registered voters’ signatures to secure a spot in the primary. If you’ve been in Congress for half a century and don’t have enough names in your favor rolodex to get a thousand signatures, you don’t deserve a vote, either that or you just don’t give a crap. I’m not sure what’s worse…
           
     California Chrome tried to make it an even dozen Triple Crown winners, but came up short in the Belmont. Don’t feel bad for the thoroughbred though, he’s sure to enjoy his promotion to “stud”. With an average fee of $40k a shot, and about 150 (ahem) opportunities a year, CC’s sure to have a heck of a retirement. The top stud fee in horse racing however is $150k per “visit”, and is commanded by a horse named “Tap It” (can’t make this stuff up!), yet the Globe calls details lucrative.
            
     When a police officer tells you that you cannot park in a spot, he’s not obligated to find you a different one.
            
     I walked to a restaurant, and there was a sign on the door that said “No Strollers”, so I left.
            
     The  Police Patrolman’s Conundrum: I must force myself to work sixteen hours, so the Department can’t force me to work sixteen hours. #yaordered!
            
      Coming home late from work one night, I was channel surfing and stopped on the “Dark Knight Rises”. It took me a minute to realize it was in Spanish-and Bane sounded like the announcer for “Sabador Gigante”
            
     Doing traffic is like dealing with a 3 year old…”But WHY?” Oh, and I for one am sick of these folks telling me not to yell at them. Yet they have the window rolled up, or are on a cell phone, or the GPS told me to, or using ear buds. Maybe I should just get an air horn, and after sounding it to get their attention speak to them with my inside voice…NOT!!
            
     Big Government and Big Business both run on inefficiency and incompetence, but a business can fire you for it.
           
     I won’t say the women on Newbury Street dress skimpy, but while in line for coffee I told the girl in front of me she had a tag sticking out of her skirt. She reached back to fix, and informed me it was actually her underwear.
            
     Once again I spent part of my summer vacation in New Hampshire. The room featured Fox News this year, but I was forced to make do with the Boston Globe. Columnist Kevin Cullen managed to comethisclose to ruining my stay with his bleeding heart boo-hoo report on, Azamat Tazhayakov the poor misguided teen accomplice to Marathon Bomber Dzokhar Tsarnaev. A fine young Muslim boy who smoked pot and drank booze so he could fully realize the American college experience. Having raised teenagers, I’ll stipulate to the fact they do stupid things-but knowingly covering up for your buddy the terrorist does not make you the victim, especially after you knew what he’d done because his picture was all over the TV. One can hope he will realize the American prison experience before his dumb @$$ is deported back to Russia-when he’s middle aged.
            
     President Obama claimed in a speech that Muslims were a part of the “fabric of America from the very beginning”. You know, I looked at the signatures on the Declaration of Independence and couldn’t find Mohammed Adams or Osama Ben Franklin.
            
     Funny how we make people pick up after their dog, but not themselves.
            
      Some notes on the Sergeant’s Test:
On my way I had the pleasure of passing a freshly killed skunk in the street. I thought:”how appropriate, I’m road kill too”
Seeing so many cops you don’t see regularly was like working the crowd at a wedding, if I missed anyone it wasn’t on purpose-catch you at the oral board.
Even if I wanted to cheat, my eyes are so bad I was lucky I could see MY test.
I’m not known for being the most punctual person, but even I managed to show up a half hour early. C’mon guys, if you can’t get there when you’re supposed to, maybe a promotion’s not your thing.
And, just in case someone from EB Jacobs or an involved Command Staff member sees this, the  Hockey Team got me to stop showing up after selecting me for our Hockey Hall of Fame-soooo if I get promoted, my days at the PAX are OVER…just sayin’
           
     I’m really starting to believe most cops aren’t THAT cynical, and some people ARE that stupid
            
      The US Supreme Court dealt Obamacare a blow, after finding in favor of “Hobby Lobby”. It seems the family owned business wasn’t in the business of offering enough birth control and was sued. The company protested along personal and religious lines and the Supremes agreed-since they were offering to provide 17 out of 20 (?) approved forms of contraception. The libs went wild-you’d think the party that tells us:”it’s for the children”, or “it amounts to a cup of coffee a day” would just suck it up-talk about your bitter clingers. Birth Control Pills cost about $600 a year, that’s about $12 a week. As Gov Patrick says-just bring your lunch one day a week, and that should cover it. Condoms are about $150/year or under $3 a week, skip the latte if you want to get latte’ed. Oh, did I mention both of these methods are covered by Hobby Lobby’s Insurance? This case wasn’t so much about choice or religion as much as it was about Government over-reach and control.
            
     Thousands of illegal alien children swarmed across our southern border, creating a humanitarian crisis of monumental importance. Rather than send them back to their parents, it looks like Uncle Sam wants to adopt these poor little refugees. Despite the fact that some of these juveniles are as old as 21, and more than a few are MS-13 gang members. VP Joe Biden referred to them as “our kids” in a speech-funny if you sent you kid overseas with a stranger for money, you’d find yourself in jail-hell you can’t even abandon a dog without repercussions.
            
     My kids’ behavior has dramatically improved since I hung that Adrian Peterson poster in their room.
            
     After one too many rocket attacks and the kidnapping and murder of three teens, Israel invaded Gaza-prompting an outcry over their tactics. Wow, Hamas, a terrorist group that uses children as human shields, and hides munitions in hospitals and schools claims the moral high ground-no wonder the liberals are so fond of them…
           
     I recently took a weekend trip to Martha’s Vineyard. I’m not sure, but I believe there is an island ordinance which requires every business to hang a “Jaws” poster alongside a picture of Obama or Clinton.
            
     September is a great month to make sure all the systems in your car are working properly-you use your Defroster in the morning, you’re A/C in the afternoon and your heater at night.
            
     I, for one, am sick of paying a fee to pay a bill. And it’s not just the promotional exams! The City of Boston charges you a fee to pay your Excise tax on-line, AT&T charges a service fee if you pay cash for your cell bill (really- A fee for CASH?!?!). My Insurance company sets up my monthly payments, then adds a surcharge to pay monthly! The examples are everywhere. I just ordered a bunch of checks and some stamps-screw you online payments the check is in the mail!
            
     There are certain items that give you the best feeling in the world right out of the package-I wish I could wear new underwear every day! A tooth-brush and windshield wipers are also at the top of the list.
            
     I’m reluctant to visit the turmoil in Ferguson, MO, until all the facts come out, and the investigations are complete. I will say this, though; how do a looted Flat Screen TV, and stolen cigs and booze translate to a call for justice?
            
     I saw a sign in a park the read “No Loitering”. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in a park? Apparently some people just don’t get it…
           
     If the drug epidemic is so bad in the ‘burbs, then why do they keep putting the methadone clinics in the city?
            
      The only thing that’s been beaten up more than Mrs Janay Rice Is the story about Mrs Janay Rice being beaten up. It seems like the NFL has more important problems than the name of its Washington franchise. The media is also complicit in this-Domestic Violence and Child Abuse are serious and sadly everyday matters. Instead of using these high profile examples to initiate change, they fuel the flames for ratings and circulation.
           
     I had to go by the  HQ to drop off some paperwork. As I talked to an old friend in the hall, people passed us-some of higher rank, including Command Staff. I greeted many of them by name. My companion noted that I knew so many Officers there-I said it was because I had been around so long-he laughed, saying he had been around too long, and now he knows no one (Thanks, Bob!)
            
     Maybe we should contract Disney to secure our borders, because even at the self-proclaimed “Happiest Place in the World”, if you jump the line you get thrown out!
           
     #selfie (Chainsmokers) is the ValleyGirl(Zappa) for millenniums. File under “name that tune”
            
     I am totally convinced that whoever issues the permits at City Hall does not know how to read a calendar. How else do you explain several events the same weekend, conflicting street closures, movers idled by road races and the like.
           
     I have been referred to as a “Xenophobe”, which is a fear of foreigners. The word finds its roots from a Greek historian/mercenary Xenophon. He was second in command of a large Greek Mercenary force (the Ten Thousand), fighting in the service of Cyrus, who was seeking the Persian Throne. After Cyrus was defeated, the Greeks were stranded deep in enemy territory, and had to literally fight their way home. Believe me I wouldn’t lift a finger to fight any illegals that want to go home- so I guess I’m not really xenophobic.
            
     Liberals claim to celebrate diversity, but apparently that merriment does not extend to the rich.
            
     A guy asked me if I could “pop a wheelie” on my bike-I told him if the Department wanted me on one wheel-they’d have issued me a unicycle.
           
      In California (where else?),  a local school district had proposed a lesson plan that compares Civil Rights Icon Dr Martin Luther King to convicted cop killer Mumia Abu Jamal. I don’t know who should be more mad, Maureen Faulkner-the widow of murdered Philadelphia cop Daniel Faulkner or the family of the late Dr King. What possible parallels could there be between a drug dealing thug whose own brother testified against him and a hero admired by millions around the world? Apparently this idea was even too far out for California, so it’s been shelved.

  Way back in the day, the US Gov't needed to get rid of the indigenous population out west. Wars were too risky, and since they proved to be quite skilled fighters, Uncle Sam had to try another tack. So he starved them by eradicating the biggest staple in their diet, and began to harry them until they agreed to settle on reservations. Once there, they were given blankets intentionally contaminated with smallpox, for which the Indians had no immunity. Tribe thinned, threat eradicated. This is all true; just ask Lie-zy Warren, it was her people. (Come to find out they were giving not receiving)
Who poses the threat now? People like us-free thinking, right leaning, Native Americans. There are more of them than us, so the gov't can afford to lose some as collateral damage. Ebola is the new poison blanket. 

ISIS makes the Nazis look like your HS Chess club. These blood thirsty Islamic terrorists like to chop off the heads of captured foes and video the festivities. Obama referred to them as the Junior Varsity-Mr President, they have climbed the depth chart! Oh how times have changed, in 1994 a US citizen was caned for vandalism in Singapore-and the entire country was up in arms, now a few journalists and aid workers are beheaded on YouTube and it’s “ho-hum” from the left.

     General Motors has issued a recall for over 39 million vehicles just this year alone. With a loss like that, shareholders will clamor for the CEO to be fired! Hey, after the bailout isn’t that Obama?

They say God only gives you what you can handle-sometimes I wish He didn’t have so much confidence in me…

In a deal that could go down as the worst trade since the Indians sold Manhattan for some trinkets, 5 hardened, vicious, terrorist generals were swapped for Bo Bergdahl- a possible deserter, certain sympathizer, who walked off his post in Afghanistan, searching for the Taliban to hug it out. Bergdahl should be given “The Man Without a Country” punishment (Edward Everett Hale, 1863). The Taliban Generals can go to hell, and sooner rather than later!
            
     Once again, with November looming, I urge all of you to get out and VOTE! If you don’t know enough about the candidates, get informed-and use your vote wisely-plenty of others will squander theirs. There are also ballot questions that will directly impact your wallet, so read up, and show up. Check out the Candidate Questionnaires in the PAX, look on-line, ask a friend, or just go with your gut, but VOTE! Or don’t complain.

            Remember, the world is full of great people, if you can’t find one, be one!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Everyone Gets a Trophy

Everyone Gets a Trophy


        Pro Golfer Bubba Watson caused a bit of a stir, when he celebrated his Master’s Win at the local Waffle House. I can’t see why everyone was so surprised; where else would a guy named Bubba party?
       
I know an Officer who’s so bipolar, he does Good Cop/Bad Cop by himself.
       
Twitter is like the bathroom wall of the Internet-that can’t be painted over (thx Mike!)
        
Lingerie is French for “you’ll never see me after marriage”
        
Some notes on the Boston Marathon:
Security was able to search bags before people entered the “hot zone”, so why couldn’t they search the backpacks of the Military “Ruck” runners?
Most spectators couldn’t thank Police enough for their service along the route. I wonder if they changed that to “something else you” after the papers published the co$t… But it was appreciated nonetheless.
Many groups reward their runners with a get together when the race is done. Where’s the BPD after-party?
To date, not one Police Officer assigned to the finish line during last year’s bombing has been officially recognized by the Department. The Boston Fire Department will be honoring nine Firefighters at their annual Awards Ceremony after reviewing hundreds of photos, and hours of footage, to determine meritorious actions at the site of the bombings. We got a pin.
The addition of food carts to feed the Officers assigned to the Marathon was a great idea. Hopefully there are plans for the BPPA to get one. If they do, I know a guy who’d be interested in the chef’s position…
I refuse to believe the plate on the water truck is: MIA
Forget the cycling Murrays, the end of the marathon should be marked by the Milwaukee Brewers’ “Sausage Racers”.
From the Command Staff to the Patrolmen, everyone did a great job! It’s now safe to say, we’re 117-1!
        
Has anyone else noticed the radio now sounds like a bad Dunkin Donuts drive through?
       
The Mayor of Somerville, Joe Curatone has decreed that Illegal Aliens will no longer be arrested-just for being illegal. They can be detained if they have a criminal warrant, or are arrested for another offense. Oh, and don’t forget, two years ago, Alcalde Jose decreed you can’t refer to them as “illegal aliens”. Muchos Gracias! American citizens will continue to be locked up in Somerville as usual.
        
Uber Liberal Alec Baldwin was arrested in NYC near his home after running afoul of the NYPD. The incident started with Baldwin once again complaining to Police about the paparazzi camped out near his downtown digs. He was taken into custody after failing to produce an ID for a civil violation of bicycling against traffic. How ironic: a flaming liberal arrested for no ID!! It was also noted Alec threw out the old “Do you know who I am?” to arresting Officers. In a TWEET following his pinch, Baldwin opined:  "New York City is a mismanaged carnival of stupidity that is desperate for revenue and anxious to criminalize behavior once thought benign."   Now I ask you, gentle reader, is this simply a case of Baldwin vs. de Blasio for title of Biggest Libtard in New York? Hey, Alec, these are YOUR people calling the shots- how ya like Dem (Big) Apples? File Under: Between a 30 Rock and a hard place…
        
Just a thought on Global Warming-while wearing my coat with liner, and knit hat on a detail in MAY! Why can’t the Greenhouse gasses escape through the hole in the ozone layer?
        
Hopefully Marty Walsh will be re-elected as mayor of Boston; it’ll take at least two terms to remove the prior Mayor’s name from everything.
        
LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling made some pretty nasty racially charged remarks. The fallout resulted in the NBA and its Board of Governors banning him for life, fining him $2.5 million, and forcing Sterling to sell the team. Sterling has responded with a lawsuit for $2 billion seeking damages. As despicable as his comments were, this issue is looking more about green as black or white.
       
MERS (Middle East Respiratory Syndrome) has been reported in the United States. The disease is believed to have originated in Saudi Arabia, and is possibly contracted from camels. Hmm MERS from camels, AIDS from monkeys, can you crazy Third World perverts STOP making out with animals?
        
The Liberals and Greens claim regulation and taxes are needed to save the planet “for the children” BUT these same Libs see nothing wrong with dumping the astronomical cost of Obamacare on these same kids. At least they can look out the window at work and see some nice trees.
        
When we were young, our parents warned us to stay away from strangers in cars, now drunk kids don’t think twice about getting in a sketchy livery vehicle. #strangerdanger!
        
If Deval Patrick runs for President, Justina Pelletier should be his Willie Horton.
       
I passed by Franklin Park Golf Course and couldn’t help but notice the large flocks of Canada geese. I thought to myself, with the close proximity of the zoo, how funny would it be if a bunch of them landed in the lion’s cage…
        
Boston prides itself on being a walking city and I think that’s great. Just one thing, though, could someone teach these idiots how to cross a street? I feel like taking a bat and smashing the pedestrian lights at every intersection-and I bet NO ONE would notice, because the %^$&#( pedestrians pay no mind to them anyway! How about making the fine for jay-walking comparable to the fine for failing to stop for a pedestrian, then aggressively enforcing that! I’d bet traffic would flow a lot smoother. Oh and whoever came up with the new traffic light patterns should be charged accordingly when someone gets hit. They are ridiculous-people should not be getting a walk signal when cars are turning through an intersection.
       
I did a detail near Agganis Arena, which was hosting the “New England Robotics Championship”. It was like watching an eight hour marathon of “The Big Bang Theory” minus the hot neighbor.
        
I believe I speak for everyone when I say the song “Happy” should meet the same fate as “Achy-Breaky Heart” and NEVER be played on the radio again…
        
An audit of the Boston Public School’s lunch program has shown it is losing millions and is among the worst places to work. Who would have guessed mystery meat was so expensive?
        
Another Muslim immigrant to our shores has been implicated in the Marathon Bombing. At least this one had a job.
        
A New Hampshire father was arrested at a Gilford School Board Meeting, after voicing his objection to a book on the reading list which contained graphic sex passages. William Baer protested that a permission slip was not issued this year-as has been the case in the past. He was led from the meeting in handcuffs for violating the “two minute” rule for speakers. Funny, offensive language was removed from literary classic “Huckleberry Finn”, so why not this book?
        
A US Marine-Sgt Andrew Tamooressi, who suffers from PTSD, is languishing in a Mexican prison on a weapons charge, after he took a wrong turn at the border. Although there may be more to this, the Administration appears to be dragging their feet in an effort to bring this vet home. Here’s an idea-let’s propose an exchange. We’ll send back all Mexicans here illegally in exchange for our soldier…
        
Massachusetts Legislators are proposing more new gun laws. As usual, these laws will only affect LEGAL gun owners. There are no provisions regarding criminals or the mentally ill. These are the same clowns that claim Climate Change is settled science, but deny the FACT that more guns = less crime. Here’s a unique idea, enforce the laws on the books, before you further restrict my CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS!
        
Dan Marino, Hall of Fame QB for the Miami Dolphins, is suing the NFL over its failure to address injuries-specifically concussions. That would explain his wooden performance in Ace Ventura-Pet Detective. Laces OUT Dan!
        
Police in Kentucky have seized 3 million dollars worth of stolen shoes. The NIKE footwear went missing in 2009 while being shipped from Tennessee to Texas. How do you fit $3 million dollars worth of shoes in a double wide? Those must be some stylish hillbillies!
        
Several national chains have asked patrons not to carry firearms onto their premises. Sonic, Chili’s, Starbucks, Chipotle, Wendy’s, and Applebee’s are among those participating in this policy. Just a thought-are they asking patrons not to exercise any of their other Constitutional Rights in their businesses-or just this one? By the way, if I or anyone else chooses to ignore this “request” what’s the worst they can do, ask you to leave?
        
After an avalanche on Mt Everest killed several of their fellows, Nepalese Sherpa guides have stated they won’t assist climbers during this season. They will now be known as Shirkers. More news from the world’s tallest peak: Embarking from the Tibetan (China) side of Everest (where there are no age restrictions on climbers) an impoverished 13 y.o. Indian girl scaled Mt Everest. Coming from the lowest caste in India (referred to as the “untouchables” because of their abject poverty) Malavath Poorna was sponsored by the Andhra Pradesh Social Welfare Society. A radio news report referred to her as “Slumdog Mountaineer” Jeez, if I wrote that we’d been in the news again…just sayin’
        
Another scandal now dogs the Obama Administration. Officials at several Veterans’ Administration Hospitals have been implicated in a growing controversy that may foreshadow patient treatment under Obamacare. It seems some vets are being placed on lists, and denied prompt appointments for sometimes life threatening conditions. A number of VA Officials have been canned, including head of the VA, former General, Eric Shinseki. A Bi-Partisan group of Senators, led by Republican John McCain, and Independent/Socialist Bernie Sanders is drafting legislation that would allow veterans to seek care at other medical venues, with full reimbursement if they cannot get an appointment at their local VA Hospitals. It’s either that or claim they’re Illegal Aliens, so they’ll get their benefits faster. #deathpanel
        
The only American POW in Afghanistan, Sgt Bowe Bergdahl has been returned to the US Army in exchange for 5 hardened Taliban Commanders from Gitmo. Controversy surrounds the swap (but what else is new for Obama) after several of his former comrades claim Bergdahl is a deserter. More to follow as this unfolds. One can only hope the swapped terrorists got a (GPS) bug up their @$$ ala “Gigi Portella” and a drone will put a rocket in their pocket before they can kill more Americans. If it’s true Bergdahl is a deserter, he should be welcomed home with a 21 gun salute-pointed at his chest.
        
Pop tart Justin Bieber is doing the public mea culpa after a video surfaced of him telling racist jokes. Hmm what are they going to make him sell-he actually used the “N” word?? I didn’t even know he was dating V Stiviano! File under: KKKanada…
        
Elliot Rodger, a child of liberal privilege went on a murderous rampage that left 6 dead and 13 wounded, after he couldn’t get a date. During his spree, Rodger stabbed, ran over with his car, and shot his victims, because he felt rejected by women, and couldn’t lose his virginity. Although he employed different means to dispatch his victims, the do-gooders immediately attacked guns. There was no talk of banning knives and BMW’s. Rodger proves the point that a nut who’s bent on murder, will employ any means necessary to satisfy his urges.
        
I recently fielded a call for a naked woman in Copley Sq Park. It’s not what you think, supermodels rarely pass out nude on my beat. The drunken homeless woman was stripped from the waist down, and sprawled out in the grass. The sight has made me swear off sex for at least a month-it will be easy, I’m married…
        
I have a small pile of sand in my yard, and my dog will roll around in it, then climb into my bed, spreading it onto the sheets. Pair that with the hot flashes I get from my medication, and it’s like sleeping on the beach.

        
Enjoy your summer, have fun on vacation, hydrate on your details, good luck on the Sergeant’s test, wear sunscreen, and try not to get ordered too much. Thanks for reading!
Tap-Dancing in a Minefield

                I recently went by a convenience store under renovation in the Back Bay. I wondered if the contractor had to factor in cost for compensation and or relocation of the panhandlers in his job estimate budget.
           
Now that Menino’s gone can we PLEASE have our candy and tonic machines back? I’ve been in plenty of City buildings that never lost theirs!
           
I’ve lived in Boston for my entire life. When I was a kid, pigeons were EVERYWHERE, and spying a hawk was a rare sight. Now it’s just the opposite.
            
After working several details in sub-zero weather this winter, I’m pretty sure the phrase “Frozen Stiff” should actually be “Frozen Shrunk”
            
Circumstance forced me to the Mass Registry of Motor Vehicles. I think it’s a lot like hell, only hell smells better…
           
We MUST protect the Ukraine at all costs, because if it falls, we will never be able to get Chicken Kiev again!
            
Speaking of the Ukraine, I don’t think the Russians are intimidated by Obama threatening to draw a line in the sand. It seems every time he does, and it’s crossed, he simply draws another one. Just ask Syria!
            
Has anyone ever barked up the right tree???
            
In the United Kingdom, interested parties can purchase citizenship for about $4 million dollars. Why would you waste your money like that-if you come to the US, we’ll pay YOU!
            
I went looking for a spoon in my cooler but couldn’t find one, what I did discover were enough plastic knives to stage a revival of “West Side Story” on an airplane.
            
Walter Williams, an elderly farmer passed away at his home, and was declared dead by the local coroner. His remains were transported to a Funeral Parlor, where Williams came to and began to move inside the body bag which was in the embalming room. After changing his underwear, the undertaker phoned EMS. Williams was revived and survived for another two weeks, when he finally passed away for good. It’s rumored his last words were: “Be sure to get a second opinion THIS TIME!”
           
If one more person uses the GPS excuse I’m going to flip! You know, “sorry officer, my GPS sent me down the one-way, through the red light, etc”-you get the picture. Same goes for “Where can I park?”
            
Mikeala Shiffrin, 19years old, and a U.S. Olympic Skier won gold in Sochi. When you win a Gold Medal at nineteen, does it all go downhill from there?
            
Please mind your business! A busybody decided police needed to be called to investigate kids playing “pond hockey” on the Muddy River in the Fenway. With the temperature hovering in the teens for several days prior, and the depth of the Muddy River less than 5 feet, I think the possibility of “sudden death” would have been from a tie or frostbite rather than drowning.
           
A radio ad for WIC really makes my blood boil. It consists of women cackling about all the great things you can buy with your WIC benefits-with one eyeing the full grocery cart and exclaiming “look at all that stuff did you win the lottery?”  Yes, she did win the lottery, and we (taxpayers) bought the ticket!
            
I always laugh at those commercials that show the well dressed housewife in the huge home, cleaning with the featured product. She buzzes about her giant house in a dress wiping and shining every surface until it sparkles. C’mon in the real world a home that size would come with a team of housekeepers and the wife would be sitting around with a cocktail, making sure they didn’t steal anything.
            
With so many things bearing the former Mayor’s moniker, it’s easy to confuse visitors to our fair city. Simply tell them to take a turn at the Menino (park, bike, building, ball field, flower garden, port-a-potty, etc) They’ll be going in circles for hours.
           
In Colorado, an illegal alien is suing the local first responders who rescued him from his vehicle, after he was trapped by flood waters. Roy Ortiz has made no bones about it-he’s only looking for money, claiming rescuers should have got him out sooner. I truly hope the judge in this case does the right thing and throws the case and Ortiz out.
            
A California State Senator, Leland Yee, has been charged with trafficking in illegal weapons. Yee promised FULL AUTO Rifles and Shoulder Fired Rockets to an undercover FBI Agent, for $2 million. Yee claimed he could get the weapons from Muslim Terrorists based in the Philippines. In an ironic twist, the senator authored and supported many of California’s tough gun laws-you know, the ones that apply only to law abiding citizens, not Yee, or his terrorist buddies, not to mention his gang banging organized crime associates. Yee also legislated Driver’s Licenses for Illegal Aliens, and blocked Law Enforcement from turning illegals over to Federal Authorities for Deportation. Oh and did I mention, he’s a DEMOCRAT!

Speaking of Illegals and driver’s licenses, Massachusetts is entertaining the prospect, claiming it will make our roads safer. Whoever came up with this one must already be using the medical marijuana. If you’re a bad driver with no insurance, a simple piece of paper isn’t going to change things one bit. A Driver’s License would also allow access to State benefits (although I don’t think they’re hard to come by without one), and Voter Registration. While not a fan of a Scarlet Letter, a great big red “IA” embossed over the info should be required. Then we’d be able to see just how well these folks drive, while safeguarding our wallets and electorate from their meddling. And please don’t give me that “second class citizen” crap-they shouldn’t be citizens at all!

Calls for a man with a rifle flooded Area D, with units from 4, 14, MSP, and Brookline Police searching for the camo clad suspect. Imagine the surprise when it turned out to be BU ROTC on a training exercise. It seems the proper notifications were made, but the word never got down to the boots on the ground, due to an oversight. A strange tidbit came to light during the aftermath, when one of the Boston Cops spoke to the Colonel in charge of the ROTC. They were forced to get permits after an anonymous complainant claimed to be scared and intimidated by the college troopers in their camouflage uniforms. Probably the same dolt that made the call. Anonymous complaints should not even be entertained.

I have been known to belt out a tune or two at karaoke but find it embarrassing to sing at church. It is possible that alcohol may be a factor…

Funny how a bum isn’t responsible enough to hold down a job, yet manages to beg money from a median strip or a convenience store for several hours. Early morning through late afternoon, in almost any weather, they’re more reliable than the US Postal Service.

The editor of Ebony.com is in a bit of hot water after sending out a few tweets with a racist spin. Jamilah Lemieux blasted Raffi Williams after he questioned her commitment to diversity. Lemieux tweeted this rant after Williams offered to get her more info about a new magazine aimed at Conservative minorities: “Oh great, here comes a White dude telling me how to do this Black thing, Pass.” Trouble is, Raffi Williams is black. Proving once again, that diversity and tolerance are great as long as you have the same opinion as the Liberals.

Not to be outdone by Ebony, Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert sent out his own racist Tweet slamming Asians, after his show attempted to lampoon Washington Redskin’s owner Dan Snyder, who’s refusing to change the team’s name. Calls have been made to cancel the show or fire Colbert. If that does happen, where will the Occu-punks and Libtards get their news?

Does anyone else find it ironic that the latest Boston Gun Buy Back is sponsored by “Target”?

Every time there’s a promotional exam, several people go out injured. After picking up my copy of the Rules and Regs from the Academy, I may go out with a hernia. It’s like carrying a #$%&*#@ suitcase. I can’t believe any of us are still employed with that many regulations governing our conduct.

I went to a party held at a golf course. Due to inclement weather I let my wife off out front. She got mad because the sign said “bag drop”.

Speaking of golf-it’s one of only two sports you can play for life. The other is hockey. No matter how old you are or how much your skills have waned, you can still find enjoyment just from being out there.

President Obama met with Pope Francis, hoping some of the Pope’s luster will rub off on him. Considering the Obama administration’s attacks on Christianity, I wonder what they discussed? Conflicting reports on the topic of the meetings were provided by Obama, and the Vatican. Noting the President’s track record, I’m going to lean toward the version supplied by the Holy See. Disagree? I only have this to say: “If you like your health care plan you can keep your health care plan-period.”

Meanwhile, across the pond-it’s been reported that UK hospitals have been incinerating medical waste for heat. Sounds so green, doesn’t it, until you learn that included in what’s called “medical waste” were over 15,000 aborted and miscarried fetuses. Hmm I recall some other group in Europe burning bodies in ovens…just sayin’

A Louisiana Sex Shop has been blasted for accepting EBT to purchase their (ahem) products. Apparently these leeches think edible undies are one of the four food groups.

Concerning the above item; how convenient is it that Liberals like Deval Patrick dismiss them as mere “anecdotes” even though they are true stories. BUT if you attempt to limit EBT abuse, the Loony-left concoct all kinds of imaginary scenarios and declare them to be true. I guess that’s the best part of being a liberal, facts don’t apply to you.

I saw a sign at a park that reminded people to pick up after their pets. It featured silhouettes of a dog and a cat. Who the hell walks a cat?? Really!

With the Retro in my wife and I decided to treat ourselves to a night on the town. After dinner at the Capitol Grille, we wandered down Boylston St. With an Anime Convention at the Hynes, we were treated to a myriad of cartoon characters along the route. How ironic was it, that as I enjoyed a cigar in the great outdoors, a kid painted blue and silver, sporting a pair of horns and a fur vest actually made a face at ME for smoking.

Looks like the village idiot, also known as Vice President Joe Biden let the cat out of the bag when he referred to Illegal Aliens as already citizens. Just because you let them vote Joe, and give them benefits Joe, and pander to them Joe, and ignore their criminal activities, Joe, doesn’t make them citizens. A citizen would have been arrested for perpetrating any of these frauds, Joe. Stupid is as stupid does…

Another contender for Dumbocratic Champion is Nevada Senator, and Majority Leader Harry Reid. After Republicans reported numerous cases of the shortcomings of Obamacare, Reid claimed they were all lies. He then denied his statements, even after videos were produced showing them. Either Reid thinks the American people are that dumb, or Harry is suffering from dementia. Neither of these choices is appealing to the USA.

Not to be outdone by these two, Rep Sheila Jackson Lee, who has referred to herself as a freed slave, has made her own bizarre statements. Including: Klansmen are now running the TEA Party; There are still two Viet Nams -one North and one South- living together in peace (author’s note: I was under the impression that ALL Liberals knew the outcome of that war); US Astronauts planted a flag on Mars, and her latest gem-the US Constitution is 400 years old. Critics have said the Congresswoman’s braids are too tight, I may have to agree…yet all you get from the mainstream media is: Chris Christie, the Koch brothers, Ted Cruz, not one of whom has made statements even vaguely as outrageous as these. And let’s not forget dear leader’s: “57 states”; speaking “Austrian”; bowling like a “special Olympian” Gone are the days of Woodward and Bernstein-they’ve been replaced by sycophantic lapdogs who toe the party line at the cost of journalistic integrity. I’m reminded of the old line about the Soviet press. In the old USSR there were two newspapers, called Pravda (truth) and Izvestia (news). The joke went in Pravda there is no Izvestia, and in Izvestia, there is no Pravda. That’s where we’re heading here.

And to finish (with another seamless segue) the Obama Administration, through the FCC is proposing implementation of “CIN” or Critical Information Needs, wherein a Government monitor would decide what stories are reported on during newscasts, in papers ,and magazines, effectively censoring opposition! This is no pie in the sky conspiracy theory, this is legit! A pilot program is underway in South Carolina. Last time I checked, freedom of the press is guaranteed under the First Amendment-you know the one Liberals always trot out to bolster their position when they want to rip down a crèche. But Obama is the best president ever, Joe Biden should be leading Mensa, the IRS is not out of control, and Obamacare will keep us all healthy-now please stop pointing that gun at me!

Stay safe, thanks for reading, and don’t forget the Commissioner’s Cup! I don’t know who’ll win this year, but I know who won’t-hint: 4 time champs who forgot humility…

On a more serious note, a Back Bay fire claimed the lives of two Boston Firemen-and although I like to joke around, we both serve in dangerous professions. I don’t usually put words in others’ mouths but I don’t think I’m out of line by saying the thoughts and prayers of the staff of the PAX, and the entire Police Department are with the friends of families of these two “Bravest”. Rest in Peace Lt Walsh and Firefighter Kennedy, you truly are heroes, in every sense of that word.