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Tuesday, June 2, 2015

See That Mountain? I made it From a Mole Hill All by Myself…


        Why is it that you settle down with a mate, but settle up with a bartender?
        
     I’ve been a cop for so long I had cases in front of the judges who are now portraits in the courthouse.
        
     When choosing a restaurant remember, “rustic” means the tables are thisclosetogether, and “intimate” means the lighting is poor.
        
     Men only think of three things:
Food
Sex
How do I get the other two between games
       
     Every generation of cops marches off to retirement with the refrain “the job’s gone, kid”
        
     When I wear my issued winter hat, I hope I look like DeNiro in the Deerhunter. Unfortunately, the fit is so poor I look more like Waldo.
        
     Before politicians force body cameras on cops, they better think about scenarios like this:
“Councilor, I pulled you over because you’re weaving all over the road. I think you may have had too much to drink.-maybe Mrs Councilor should drive…OH, that isn’t Mrs Councilor? Why yes, sir, this IS a body cam”. File under: “Smile! You’re on Candid (body) Camera”
        
     Thug thug thug, thug thug. Thug thug thug thugthug, THUG. Nope, still not seeing that as a problem…this word, as I use it and understand it, is not some racist dog whistle. It refers to a person who does not comport to the rules of society, and uses violence, brutality and intimidation to wreak havoc on his community or fellow citizens. As anyone who reads my drivel notes, I divide the use of this word equally between gangsters (of any color) and Islamo-Fascist terrorists. I will continue to use it in that manner, and no thug will dissuade me.
        
     “Uber” is Danish for $%^*# up traffic.
        
     A comedian rattles off jokes, a humorist just writes his down.
        
     How is it that if a cop is shot, or injured, inevitably some idiot talking head or clueless politician babbles on about the risks involved in Law Enforcement, etc, etc. Stipulated. So, why is that standard not applied to gang bangers and terrorists? Surely they know the possible dangers.
        
     When has the simple act of turning a car around become such a task for many drivers, especially the ones that come by MY details???
        
     New note on all day off requests: I.D.C.I.I.I.O.T: I don’t care if it incurs overtime.
        
     Sometimes my hair gets so long it looks like a toupee.
        
     On my way to court one morning recently, I passed a group of guys drinking on a street corner. I thought to myself, they must be going to a golf tournament or are on vacation.
        
    President Obama took up the mantle from disgraced FORMER Attorney General Holder when he too referred to Police as an “occupying force”. And to that end, he’s shutting down a program that offers Law Enforcement surplus military equipment. Now I don’t see the need for a tank (YET), but some of the stuff comes in handy when dealing with the criminal element or disruptive protesters. What galls me is the fact that the most mentioned piece of used gear that had Barry and his cronies in a tizzy was: camouflage uniforms.
        
     Local activist Jamarhl Crawford is urging the Feds to investigate the Boston Police Department. He claims that the last few Officer involved shootings (OIS) were racist. In a case of never let the facts get in the way, he sent his missive off despite the FACT that the last nine OIS in Boston all involved violent armed criminals or mentally deranged armed individuals, all of whom attacked, shot or shot at BPD Officers.
        
     On a related note: after a seven year old boy was hit with a round, during a brazen daylight shooting on Bowdoin St, I congratulate Chief Gross and Mayor Marty Walsh for calling out “activists” and expressing outrage that there is no outrage. A child was shot (not the first in these parts either) and yet, no protest, no march, no vigil, no information forthcoming from the Occupy frauds and their stooges at #blacklivesmatter. It seems these folks only give a crap when it fits their agenda.
        
     During a rainstorm, my phone blew up with warnings of flash floods. I thought, how the hell do they know where I am? I guess the Government IS spying on me. Hey NSA, good luck sifting through all this crap.
        
     Sometimes I feel like a banana republic dictator. I pick up a rake or shovel and my family disappears.
        
     Well, one of America’s greatest athletes, Olympic Gold Medalist Bruce Jenner, wants to become a woman. I guess being on the Wheaties box wasn’t enough, now he wants to be on the cover of Tampax.
        
     Terrorist THUG (there it is!) Dzokhar Tsarnaev was sentenced to DEATH ,by a Massachusetts jury no less (maybe there is some hope for Liberals) for his role in the Marathon Bombing that left 4 (now 5) dead and hundreds injured. During the penalty phase, relatives of Tsarnaev (excluding his felon/wanted Mother) travelled to Boston on the taxpayer’s dime to defend the tousle haired youth against the Great Satan. They recalled a smiling boy, in awe of his older brother, who cried at the “Lion King” (I’m sure when Scar got it). It took less than 10 years for Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh to ride the needle, I sincerely hope the Joker doesn’t reach 30.
       
     How is it that every firehouse is always built with adequate parking including a few extra spots for visitors, but Police stations, not so much?
        loved my grandmother, yet I hate my nanny state.
        
     Gloucester Police have announced that they will not pursue criminal charges against addicts who turn in their drugs and seek treatment. A novel and noble approach, as long as the town of Gloucester uses/establishes a methadone clinic in their area rather than ship the junkies down to Boston. We have an over abundance of these individuals straining our services and patience, including a good percentage who are not from this state let alone the city. If this is just another feel good NIMBY project, you can keep them.
        
     Secretary of State John Kerry broke his leg in a bicycle accident while in France. He immediately returned to the US. Just a few questions: Was he riding that spiffy pink bike he’s been pictured on? Did the accident occur as he swayed to the iPod tunes of James Taylor, and Sheryl Crow? And; if European health care is so good, that we wrecked ours under Obamacare to mirror theirs, why didn’t he just stay there. File under: Do as I say, not as I do
        
     Six Baltimore cops have been indicted on a plethora of charges including murder for the custody death of Freddy Gray, who died after his spine was severed while being transported in a Baltimore Police van. Another prisoner in the same van claims he heard the deceased thrashing around in his compartment, and did not hear any indication the police were involved. His testimony has been scrutinized, because it cannot be corroborated. Now I ask you gentle reader, if he said “I heard the cops beating that poor man”, would he have been so quickly dismissed, or star witness for the prosecution??The death sparked days of rioting, burning and looting. Since the indictments, a demoralized Baltimore PD has been, shall we say, lax in pro-active policing, resulting in a 25% rise in crime. Unrest which led to a statement from Baltimore’s Mayor Stephanie Rawlings Blake that she would allow rioters “room to destroy”. Huh?!?!?  Madam Mayor, even if you feel that way, that’s a thought you keep to yourself, or among your advisors, or nearest and dearest NOT out loud during a press conference. Encouraging rioters is leadership the good people of Baltimore should not have to endure. Here’s hoping to a swift resolution, after a thorough investigation.
        
     Finally, the Police Department has instructed that “Caution Wet Floor” signs be placed near every Detail/OT board in all stations in order to minimize the possibility of Officers slipping on tears after the new 18 hour rule is implemented. Since this article is being submitted prior to the rule’s projected start date, the author will defer to a future issue to weigh its impact.
        
       

       
       

        

Monday, May 4, 2015

 Aruba
 Boston Public Gardens
 Charles River Esplanade
Friday Night Hockey
Estero Florida
Oak Bluffs, MA
 Boston,MA
Ogunquit, ME

Always Have a Safe Word

ALWAYS Have a Safe Word


        This winter was so harsh, I raised a white flag in surrender, but Mother Nature couldn’t see it with all that snow.
        
     With roads closed, and parking bans in effect, Officers of the Boston Police Department were tasked to ferry essential doctors and nurses to their hospitals during February’s blizzards. I believe the courtesy service was referred to as “BL-Uber”.
        
     Potential Democratic Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton went MIA, amid rumors of plastic surgery. I heard she wanted a boob reduction, but nobody else wanted Bill,
        
     I used to look good in all my tight shirts, now all my shirts are good and tight.
        
     Islamic terror group Al-Shabaab made bold threats to shoot up malls in America. Liberalism holds the key to stopping these attacks:
“What does that say on the mall door, Achmed?”
“It reads ‘Gun Free Zone’, Mohammed”
“Damn those Infidels, they are so clever!”
“Allah help us, now we must think of a new plan”
        
     Speaking of Islamic terrorists, the JV, alias ISIS, in an act of savagery that was over the top even by their sick standards, burned a captured Jordanian pilot alive, and broadcast the murder on Social Media. In response the King of Jordan, ordered all ISIS prisoners being held to be immediately executed, then donned his flight suit, strapped himself into an attack aircraft, and personally led airstrikes against these barbarians. Obama went golfing.
        
     I don’t know why they annoy me so much, but I would like to replace the “Sonic” guys’ hot dogs with dynamite.
        
     Performers and Presenters at this year’s Oscar show got the most expensive “swag bag” ever, with gifts totally around $160,000. Uncle Sam got his share of the perk in the form of about $40.000 in taxes (appx. 25%). Meanwhile we toil on lucrative details and OT only to be whacked with a tax of about 32%. Where’s my $%^&*&# Red Carpet???
        
     With all the snow in February, District Four was officially renamed “Ice Station Delta”
        
     I won’t say the bums in Copley Square Park are causing more trouble, but Katie Copley is set to be replaced by a German Shepherd.
        
     MY NOTICE TO APPEAR FOR MY ANNUAL DRUG TESTING WAS WRITTEN ENTIRELY IN CAPS. I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING YELLED AT!!!!
        
     When you’re young you talk about the future, when you’re old you talk about the past…
        
     Now that Bowe Bergdahl has been charged with desertion, will the 5 Taliban thugs we swapped for him return to Gitmo?
        
     NBC News Anchor Brian Williams has been suspended after he was caught in a lie. It seems Williams claimed to have been on a helicopter that was shot down during the Iraq war, but was actually on a different chopper, which did not come under fire. This fib caused a domino effect that exposed several more untruths over the course of his career. Now the guy who read the news, IS the news. What a tangled web we weave, when is our business to deceive…
        
     Republican Senator Ted Cruz announced his candidacy for President in 2016. Liberals immediately attacked the Texan because his Cuban father fled to Canada…now if he left Cuba and went to Kenya…
        
      Obama administration officials claim the unrest in the Middle East is the result of poor economic opportunity. In other words, the Taliban and ISIS would not hate us if they had jobs. I propose we rectify that situation immediately. We should employee any willing Islamic Terrorists as bullet magnet quality control, explosive testers, and casket interior inspectors.
        
     With the freezing temps and snow testing every cop’s fortitude, HQ reminded Officers to maintain uniform standards. Now I ask you gentle reader, if 150 cops at a funeral can’t manage to wear the same thing, after being told what to bring; what makes the Crystal Palace think cops won’t bundle up in a blizzard?? Just a thought, if you left a dog out for hours in that weather, you’d be in jail, we got traffic posts.
        
     If you worry whether you can be a good parent, you probably will…
        
     During a concert, Madonna tripped over her cape and toppled off the stage. When you get to her age, falls become more common. File under: Bruised ego, broken hip…
        
     Starbucks is taking some heat for a decision to engage customers on the subject of racism. Just what America needs, a lecture from a hipster with a ring in his nose…can I get directions to the nearest Tim Horton’s?
        
     Iran and the US are in negotiations to keep the Persians from developing a nuclear bomb. Secretary of State Kerry claims the deal will do just that…pardon me if I have a little trouble believing that. These are the same folks that claimed Health Care would cost less, and we could keep our doctor…just sayin’
        
     ISIS wants to re-establish the 7th Century Caliphate. I say good for them! Let’s bomb them back to the Stone Age, and they can pick up from there.
       
     San Fran-sicko is debating a ban on Oreo’s. They claim the tasty snack contains dangerous trans fats (that’s why it tastes so gooood!) and must be kept from children. I think those Commies just don’t like the fact that it’s America’s favorite cookie!
        
     While in Aruba, I saw a very fat guy with a rather attractive woman. I thought; “he’s punching over his weight class” then realized, there is no weight class over his-way to go tubby!
       
     Indiana recently passed the “Religious Freedom Restoration Act”. It has sparked vigorous debate, with the left claiming the law allows discrimination. Funny thing is, it is based on the Federal version, which has been on the books since it was championed by Liberal lion Ted Kennedy and signed by Bill Clinton. Really??? I thought these hypocrites preached TOLERANCE (as long as you agree with them, I guess)
        
     Kudos to Chief Gross! After a Boston cop was shot, and his assailant was summarily dispatched by other Officers, the usual agitators gathered to pose for selfies while they berated the Police. Not that it was necessary, but the Chief engaged the protestors, and found himself being insulted, and harangued by the crowd. Rather than lose his temper, the boss simply walked away, leaving the protesters no foil for their phony anger.
        
     When I see these fools, all I’m reminded of is the old fable about the boy who cried wolf. Their constant BS desensitizes people and in the event of a real injustice, they will have effectively disempowered the aggrieved. Blocking highways and roads doesn’t make you a hero, it makes you an inconvenience, with all the relevance of a traffic jam, and we all know how much Bostonians love those…
        
     A minister working at English High shot and seriously injured a student, over a drug deal gone awry. Shaun Harrison was well known for his anti gang activities, but apparently that was just a ploy to cut down on his competition. After it came to light that a neighbor lodged several complaints against the “Rev” over drug activity, the smoke and mirror machine kicked into high gear, with officials claiming he was under investigation and just hours away from being charged/fired. File under: Double Secret Probation.
        
     While we’re on the subject of wayward BTU employees, check out their newspaper, specifically a column by Heidi Winston. The school nurse busted out the broad brush and labeled all Police Officers as racist thugs out to shoot or beat down the citizens. She went on to praise the protesters who blocked 93 and burned down Ferguson, mentioning a hefty donation made by the BTU to the protesters. Now I won’t insult the good hard working Boston Public School employees by lumping them all in with this dolt. She’s entitled to her misinformed opinion. Maybe she should enlarge her circle of friends to include a few law enforcement professionals and broaden her horizons. Or at least read the PAX!
        
     Patrick Cherry, a New York City detective is in hot water, after being taped verbally bashing an Uber driver. The viral video resulted in the officer being demoted and placed on modified duty, even after apologizing. Bratton calls it abuse, I call it a verbal warning. We’ve all seen how these clowns drive.
       
     Finally, thoughts and prayers for a full and speedy recovery go out to Officer Moynahan of the BPD YVSF. John was shot in the line of duty by a career thug, who was himself killed by other Officers on the scene. A decorated military veteran, and from what I hear a pretty decent hockey player, there’s no doubt this guy is tough. So get well soon, we’re all thinking of you.
        
     Talking about bullfighting is not the same as being in the ring with the bull.

        
     So, boys and girls looks like it’s going to be a long hot summer out in the streets. Watch your six, keep an eye on your fellow Officers, stay hydrated and rested. Or take a few days off, drink some beer and go to the beach. Either way, stay safe.

Wednesday, February 25, 2015

 New Year, New Team
           

           
            While on a trip to Florida recently, I saw a lot of signs warning boaters to be wary of manatees. A tour boat operator gave us the local lore that the first mariners to these shores thought they were mermaids. I immediately wondered how desperate for female companionship you would need to be to consider a manatee attractive, or how much grog you had to consume.
            
     I got my Advent Calendar on the 12th, so I could play catch up with the chocolate.
            
    I have brought my gun to Starbucks while off duty on numerous occasions. It usually orders Latte, and hasn’t bothered anyone.
           
     Speaking of Starbucks, I was sitting outside (it was Florida!) and this guy starts waving as he’s approaching. I hop up to greet him and he walks right past me to the table behind. I think my wife is still laughing.
            
     Just a few things that struck me about Florida in the winter: seeing Christmas trees next to palm trees is a bit unsettling. Saw an ad that boasted “Extreme Segway Tours”, and wondered how that was possible? They go about as fast as people run, what makes it extreme? No helmet? Your body acclimates to the warm much better than the cold. And the Gopher Tortoise is endangered. It likes to snuggle with car tires for warmth in cooler months, kind of like a reptilian chock block. No wonder they are endangered.
            
     I got an “I Can’t Breathe” T-shirt, like, it’s so much cooler than a Medic-Alert bracelet for my asthma.
           
     A guy came up to me in a hotel, and asked me where the Janitor’s Interviews were being held. I gave him directions to the Men’s Room.
           
     It still shocks me when an Officer with almost thirty years is passed over for an Officer with almost thirty tours.
            
      Same with making Sergeants while cops are waiting for their marks from the new test- a practice that impacts they guys who end up at the bottom of the new list, rather than the top.
            
     Oh how the mighty have fallen: A sprawling Christmas lights display at the corner of Warren Av has for the past six years or so, prominently featured Barack Obama, even displaying a likeness dressed as (GASP!) Santa. Three foot lighted letters spelled out his name, and even Michelle joined him a few times. This year, not even an honorable mention. I guess once the Republicans took over the Legislature, Barry Claus got the pink slip.
            
     Rapper Iggy Azalea has been threatened by hackers “Anonymous” demanding an apology to Black Lives Matter and fellow Hip Hopper Azealia Banks over a Twitter comment. The group claims to have an Iggy sex tape and they threaten to publish a nudie if she does not comply. Having seen the size of her backside, I remind you that a newspaper is also referred to as a BROADsheet! File Under: Wide Angle Lens.
            
     A new medical study shows that lending a friend money can cause memory loss.
            
     Gas prices have plummeted, falling, in many places to under $2/gallon, for the first time since Bush was President. Now I ask you gentle reader, when gas prices increased consumer pricing for everyday goods and services rose proportionally based on delivery expenses. So when the $%*&^ are food prices coming down to reflect this????
           
     The state of Oklahoma executed a Death Row inmate, Charles Warner, despite pressure from Death Penalty opponents claiming the last execution of Clayton Lockett violated the Cruel and Unusual punishment clause of the US Constitution after he experienced some discomfort.. Funny, the condemned Lockett died after his lethal injection, so I don’t see how that qualifies as “botched”.
            
     I may have watched too much South Park…I can sometimes understand Kenny
           
     Parents of a Little League pitcher struck by a hit ball are suing the bat’s manufacturer. Now, I’m not making light of the injury but suing the bat maker is like suing a gun company after…nevermind
            
     Boston schools were closed recently when officials determined it was too cold OUTSIDE. Really? -and the pansification of America continues.
            
     Love is blind, it’s marriage that’s the eye-opener (thanks Val!)
            
       I travelled to New York City for the funeral of NYPD Officer Wenjian Liu, along with many other members of the XXPD.  Both funerals were well attended-it was a strong showing of support for our Brothers and Sisters in the Big Apple. Just a few thoughts, we really do need a Dress Uniform. At events like that, maybe posting the Color Guard out front and using those Officers to dress the lines would make us look a bit sharper, and cops, no matter where they are from always have a twin in another department…
           
     The Naples Florida Police Department has a drag racing team.
            
     When did the practice of naming winter storms BEFORE they hit start? Winter storms have ALWAYS got their names AFTER they dumped countless feet of white global warming on New England, like Blizzard of ’78; No-Name Storm; Perfect Storm; April Fools Storm. I guess this is a case of hurricane envy.
           
     Planned Parenthood has been teaching sex ed classes in California (where else!) using “Genderbread Persons”. And the attacks on Christmas keep coming…
            
     Protesters blocked I-93 North and South forcing thousands of commuters to wait while these spoiled children wearing adult diapers were physically removed. The crew in Somerville/Medford was escorted off by Troopers and local PD’s but those in Milton were determined to make a statement by using concrete filled barrels to lock themselves together. Public Safety was jeopardized by these terrorists (yes I said that!) who inconvenienced their fellow citizens, even causing ambulances to be re-routed, to get their message across. Funny though, a viral video of them being heckled ended with the cell phone commando being threatened with bodily harm. Of course, since this is Massachusetts, almost all of them were set free with no bail. If I were in charge, I would have ordered up a couple of the DOT barrier trucks, some cones and a few troopers. Then I would simply move the offenders into the left lane and made them wait until traffic had been relieved and it was safe to get them out of there, probably around 2 am. I’d also love to see a class-action lawsuit against Occupy and #blacklivesmatter for this nonsense.
            
     Islamic Terrorists (there goes my gig at Al-Jazeera) attacked the Paris offices of “Charlie Hebdo”. The attack left 12 dead, including a Muslim policeman who was seen on video begging for his life. The savages responsible for this were themselves gunned down by French police a few days later. In the aftermath, a huge rally drawing millions along with many World Leaders gathered in Paris to show support and resolve in the face of this cowardly act. Everyone, that is, except Obama. In a move destined to damage Franco-American relations for years to come, he did send Secretary of State John Kerry who brought along that hippie geezer James Taylor who serenaded  the French with “You’ve Got a Friend” while Kerry swayed dreamily to the music. File Under: Dip-($#!+) plomacy. Je suis Charlie!
            
     I won’t say some of these new guys are salty, but I saw one walking into the station, and the snow was melting under him.
            
     After a storm dumped almost 2 feet of snow over Boston, the Herald on-line featured these two gems listed next to each other: So silly I don’t even have to make a joke…
“Massachusetts lashed by heavy snow, wind but has few outages”
“Thousands without power during snowstorm in Massachusetts”
            
     The aforementioned blizzard was so severe, the Massachusetts House delayed a hearing on a bill to combat…wait for it…Global Warming!
            
     During his State of the Union address Obama channeled his inner Robin Hood, declaring he would take from the rich to give to the poor. Which would nominally be OK, think Hollywood Liberal Millionaires, but his definition of “rich” includes most of the middle class.
            
     Uber Lib tubbie Michael Moore caused quite a furor after he panned the film “American Sniper”, claiming all snipers are cowards because his uncle was killed by one during WW2. Too bad the scharfschutze didn’t pop pops, the world would have been spared this bloated turd. Stick to your mockumentaries, which you are free to make because of those who serve. Of course to a fattie like you the word “serve” is ALWAYS followed by the words “me more food.”
           
     With the Patriots heading to the Super Bowl, XXXX Police Officers were once again ordered in on their day off to patrol the Hub. They were bolstered by NEMLEC and METROLEC who get 8 hours minimum pay, and a day off.

            
     The Patriots WIN the Super Bowl and AGAIN XXPD Officers are ordered in on their day off to patrol the Duck Boat Parade. Of course that little fact didn’t stop old friend Sam Tyler of the Boston Municipal Research Bureau from taking a cheap shot at us. After a Herald reporter got a quip about the snow removal budget for the parade, Tyler groused:”This isn’t something like police overtime or fire overtime where every year they exceed their budget” Sam can you grasp the concept of ORDERED? I’ll let the boss know I’m just doing my bit next time I get grabbed for a morning watch, and tell him you said it was OK, so we don’t go over budget.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

“Cotton Headed Ninny-Muggins”

          Is brushing your teeth before going to the dentist like cleaning your car before you go to the car wash?
          
     Have you ever had a meal that was so good, you wish you could go back in time 15 minutes and eat it again?
          
     Absolute power corrupts absolutely. Absolute vodka intoxicates, absolutely.
          
     I don’t own an assault rifle, I own a modern sporting rifle. Sounds so harmless-TAKE THAT gun grabbing liberals!!
          
      I don’t think it’s the tryptophan that makes you sleepy after your Thanksgiving meal, rather it’s the fact you just consumed more food than an entire Central American village.

I went by a group of PETA protesters, spouting their nonsense about meat and fur. Obviously, one of them didn’t get the memo, and held up her sign wearing a pair of leather gloves.

My son opined that since a dog’s nose is about 100 million times better than a human’s, how good it must smell when someone’s cooking say a steak, for instance. I countered that most people fart more than they eat steak.

I find it funny that it’s all ALWAYS OUR fault when someone gets to the booking desk.

All units be sure to have their PPE or Riot Gear available at all times, but you won’t be using it. It seems there is a better chance of getting a hernia from carrying it around, than being struck by a bottle.

Somerville is known as the “All American City”, but since local pols have made it a sanctuary destination, it will soon be the “Non-American City”

Why do Reproductive Rights include abortion? A procedure that by its very nature, halts reproduction.

Liberals sold the de-criminalization of marijuana by claiming pot was harmless-hmm, in two high (pun intended) profile cases, the use of dope was anything but. Marathon bomber Dzokhar Tsarnaev’s buddy Robel Phillipos claimed in his defense that he was so high on pot that he did not know what he was doing when he dumped evidence from Tsarnaev’s dorm room. Gentle Giant Mike Brown’s toxicology report showed marijuana in his blood and urine. Brown was killed in a confrontation with a Ferguson, MO Police Officer after a robbery. That, boys and girls is why they call it “dope”.

If you want to know who the smartest man in the room is, just wait, when he tells you, cross him off the list ASAP.

How do you spot a true believer?                                                                  Ask a liberal woman if she would forego a diamond. Ask an atheist to sell their soul. Ask an abortion rights activist to support the death penalty.

Last year I remodeled the bath in my master bedroom. This included a new light fixture that features a fluorescent bulb, which is just now starting to go. I may take my time replacing it though, because the dim light makes me look ten years younger.

President Obama mentioned in a speech that Muslims were a “part of the fabric of America” from the very beginning. As a student of history, I don’t recall seeing that in any of the books I read. File under: Osama Ben Franklin.

Diversity includes diversity of opinion.

A possible Ebola patient is being treated at Mass General. He asked his caregiver why he’s only been getting pancakes, and pizza to eat. The doc replied:”because that’s all that will slide under the door”

China has banned all puns- that may be a good thing for US consumers. Have you ever seen the horrible grammar on those translated instructions??? Puns banned-crap I’d be facing a Death Penalty.

The Obama Administration nominated Soap Opera producer and $$$ campaign donor Colleen Bell as Ambassador to Hungary. A spokesman could not articulate any specific qualifications, but it’s rumored during an interview, when asked how her appointment would benefit US/Hungary relations, she replied; “I’d feed them, of course…” (take THAT China!)

Republican Charlie Baker was elected Governor of Mass, after defeating Democratic challenger Martha Coakley. It should be a relief for the taxpayers to have Baker at the helm, at least fiscally. And to dispel that rumor Baker will lay waste to the pension system, I offer two good reasons: First, the Commonwealth views your pension as a contract between you (worker) and the state-with SJC case law to back that up. It cannot be altered by either party, once an employee is vested in the system. Which leads me to point two; only new employees’ pensions can be modified, which would be made clear when hired And any of you skeptics who still cling to the myth of the Democrat as a supporter of the working man, look at your check, we all pay different amounts toward our contribution, ranging from 6% to 13%, thank you donkeys. Oh, and don’t forget outgoing Gov Patrick (D!) cut our Quinn Bill pay, and put flagmen on the street. Hey Deval, don’t let the door to your (former) $11 million office hit you in the backside on the way out.

Speaking of our outgoing diminutive Governor, Patrick almost took the crown of worst governor ever from Mike Dukakis. Patrick’s title hopes were smashed when the headrest to the Governor’s limo was found, and Dukakis testified on behalf of Marathon Bombing accesory after the fact Robel Phillipos. Don’t feel bad for Deval, he’ll always be number two. (catch me if you can Red China)

The ballot questions also proved a boon to taxpayers. Q1, an automatic gas tax increase was scrapped, and Q2 a higher/expanded bottle deposit got taken out handily. Casinos will go forward (Q3) and paid sick time (Q4) will be offered to all employees. And in typical Massachusetts’ fashion despite Republican gains in the US House and Senate, we still have nothing but D’s, just like my sophomore report card (somewhere in the politburo offices a commie is crying)

Since when has taking seats out of bus stops and parks constituted a solution to the problem of homeless/junkies congregating in certain urban areas?

As the riots, protests, and looting continue in Ferguson, MO and all over the US, I found myself thinking. We (Law Enforcement) have brought rock solid cases to court, only to be shocked when the result is a not guilty. Conversely, we have had weak cases that end in conviction. This is our system, however flawed it may be. Just because a case doesn’t come out your way, is no excuse to burn and steal. If you don’t like the way the system works, work to change it. You want to march, and shout your silly slogans, go right ahead. But when you destroy, all you do is create more discord not dialogue.

As cops, we all know nothing ever happens on the first floor. Not only is that true, but it’s usually freezing out, too!

I went to a charity event in East Boston recently. I wasn’t there more than five minutes before I started to sound like one of the extras from “Goodfellas”. #heeeyhowyoodewin-gooombahhhh

I won’t say the overtime in the Department is out of control, but has it gotten so overwhelming that patrolmen have to fill in the supervisor’s names too?

President Obama has signed an Executive Order halting the potential (HA!) deportation of about 5 million Illegal Aliens.  Considering the odds of this gamble Las Vegas was the perfect spot to unveil it. Obama forgot two things. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, and the House always wins. (screw you Chicoms!)

Speaking of Obama’s trip to Sin City, he brought on stage Astrid Silva, an Illegal Alien and well known activist-so much for “living in the shadows”. Just wondering why the press didn’t get all lathered up like they did over Charlie Baker’s fisherman. Now I ask you gentle reader, how does someone here illegally not only attend college, but become an “advisor(?)” to the Senate majority (not for long tee-hee) leader. I guess Massachusetts isn’t the only place illegal isn’t illegal!

Comedian Bill Cosby has come under fire for allegations of sexual abuse. One of America’s all-time favorite TV dads, Cosby has been accused by dozens of women claiming Dr Huxtable drugged them and played “doctor”. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t we have a President who did something similar (minus the drugs)?? Remember, in America, everyone is innocent until proven guilty. If Cos did it, shame on him, if not, he need look no further than Clinton to gain his reputation back.

Recent events in Ferguson, and New York City, highlight the dangers Police Officers face every day. The “hands up don’t shoot” meme turned up everywhere –despite it being proved inaccurate, and false by eyewitnesses. The media continued to refer to the Officer’s tactics in NYC as a chokehold, even after being informed it was taught at one time in their Police Academy. The continued controversy is being fueled by the media, and race hustlers like Al Sharpton. Why even the top law enforcement official in the US, Attorney General Eric Holder has referred to the Police as an “occupying force”. Let just one of these phonies walk a beat-and encounter what we do on a daily basis. How would they deal with a 300 pound man intent on taking their gun? Or trying to handcuff an uncooperative giant? Just speculating here, but if the outcome were different-say Mike Brown got Officer Wilson’s gun? Would he have been satisfied to shake hands, and call it a day, or tell the Officer he’d drop it by the station later?  No, he was enraged and high, and made poor choices that day- which ruined many lives, least of which was his own. Cops know when you’re fighting over your duty weapon neither party is “unarmed”. I suppose if Big Mike got that weapon and shot Officer Wilson, the media portrayal of both parties would be a lot different-and everyone reading this knows that to be true. It would be bag pipes and flags. Brown would be locked away, and there would be no Ferguson. The case of Eric Garner is a bit more interesting, in part because of the video shot during the incident. Again, this is an industry specific publication. We have all been involved in struggles while trying to arrest a suspect. The fact that he was being arrested for a violation of city ordinances does nothing more than muddy the waters. If he were being arrested for murder or rape, would there be a media frenzy? Even a passively resisting offender takes at least four cops to handle, let alone a guy the size of an NFL lineman who didn’t want to go. Garner’s health issues were known to him, not the Police. If it was such a b@!!&#!+ charge, take the pinch-it wasn’t his first- and let the judge throw it out or fine you. HE chose to resist, and again, it cost him dearly. But what if the NYPD just let him go? Would the Officers then face the wrath of their supervisors, an irate City Councilor, Public Health Official? Don’t forget, this is the place that wanted to ban soft drinks! And Garner was selling-GASP…untaxed cigarettes!  The loss of a life is a tragedy, and to be avoided at all costs, but in some cases this is how it ends.


A little heavy for the Christmas issue, I‘ll agree. I could have gone on about the holiday tree-Creche on the square, Santa, and the lot, but got caught up in my deadline. So, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.!!

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Si Se Puede!


            Summer time and the globe has been entertained by the World Cup in Brazil. B-O-R-I-N-G!! Soccer is the only thing the Third World does better than the US-unless you count big families, suicide bombers, drugs and border jumping. The games were filled with drama-guys were knocked down by mosquitoes or injured by dandelions, and writhed like they were electrocuted. There’s no reason to make a wall and cover the jewels, most of these guys don’t have any. The only thing manly occurred when a Dutch player got a cut on his head, and in true hockey fashion, got it stapled on the sideline and returned to the game. Talk about talent-most of lay with the announcers, especially when a team of players with only consonants in their names played a team with only vowels in theirs’- although they lost their cred when they whined about a game ending on Penalty Kicks. These are the same people who refer to overtime wins as “Sudden Victory”. The hype and commercials were more exciting than the games. Soccer is truly a sport made for ESPN, only the highlights are worth watching.
            Russia has invaded the Ukraine. Putin fooled Obama with the move, by marching in backwards, and telling him they were leaving.
           
       Only my department: the new computer system allows you to go off on a Code 303 (officer involved shooting) but not a Code 16(traffic enforcement). Who designed this thing, the same dopes that built the Obamacare Website??
            
     The very rich and the very poor have more in common than you’d think-they both have people working for them (Thanks LC)
            
     When you work with your hands a lot, you develop calluses to protect them. I ride my bike so much I’ve developed a call-ass. Speaking of riding my bike, I’ve about had it with the helmet Nazis. I was riding MY bike along a DCR trail, when I met a rider coming in the opposite direction. I should have known he was a dick because he was sporting the skin tight Tour De France starter kit. He began to furiously tap his forehead with is index finger. I shrugged and he yelled “helmet”- so I began to point at my forehead using a different finger, and yelled “take it easy Lance”. I would have challenged him further, but he looked too fit to fight.
            
     Funny how you’ll encounter a big mouth at work and their intestinal fortitude increases exponentially the farther away from you they get. I refer to this as the “20 Yard Tough Guy Phenomenon”
           
     I know we men are simple creatures, but a recent “Cosmo” cover blurted “where to touch to drive him WILD”. Really?? If you don’t already know that, you probably deserve to be alone…
            
     If the NFL forces Washington to change its name, but allows Kansas City keep theirs, they will have too many Chiefs, no Redskins?
           
     Have you ever woken up before your alarm clock goes off, then spend the time awake to make sure it does, and worried that it won’t?
            
     I saw a guy in a hoodie on a ninety degree day. I asked him “aren’t you hot” and he said, “No, it’s a lot warmer where I’m from”… And that’s the first time I ever met someone from Hell.
            
     While patrolling a housing development in the South End recently, I had to tag several double parked cars in the middle of the day. Many of the cars were newer models, and as I was issuing cites, several able bodied men ran out to move them. I guess they must all work nights.
           
     Is there any chance we could get militarized BEFORE we get de-militarized?
            
     We’ve all seen them, the junkies on the nod who contort their bodies into unusual positions, but NEVER fall. We should dress them all in colorful leotards, and call it “Cirque de Suboxone”
            
      A Federal Judge put long time Michigan Rep John Conyers back on the ballot, even after he failed to gather the requisite number of signatures. The Democrat who has been in Congress for almost 50 years couldn’t come up with 1000 registered voters’ signatures to secure a spot in the primary. If you’ve been in Congress for half a century and don’t have enough names in your favor rolodex to get a thousand signatures, you don’t deserve a vote, either that or you just don’t give a crap. I’m not sure what’s worse…
           
     California Chrome tried to make it an even dozen Triple Crown winners, but came up short in the Belmont. Don’t feel bad for the thoroughbred though, he’s sure to enjoy his promotion to “stud”. With an average fee of $40k a shot, and about 150 (ahem) opportunities a year, CC’s sure to have a heck of a retirement. The top stud fee in horse racing however is $150k per “visit”, and is commanded by a horse named “Tap It” (can’t make this stuff up!), yet the Globe calls details lucrative.
            
     When a police officer tells you that you cannot park in a spot, he’s not obligated to find you a different one.
            
     I walked to a restaurant, and there was a sign on the door that said “No Strollers”, so I left.
            
     The  Police Patrolman’s Conundrum: I must force myself to work sixteen hours, so the Department can’t force me to work sixteen hours. #yaordered!
            
      Coming home late from work one night, I was channel surfing and stopped on the “Dark Knight Rises”. It took me a minute to realize it was in Spanish-and Bane sounded like the announcer for “Sabador Gigante”
            
     Doing traffic is like dealing with a 3 year old…”But WHY?” Oh, and I for one am sick of these folks telling me not to yell at them. Yet they have the window rolled up, or are on a cell phone, or the GPS told me to, or using ear buds. Maybe I should just get an air horn, and after sounding it to get their attention speak to them with my inside voice…NOT!!
            
     Big Government and Big Business both run on inefficiency and incompetence, but a business can fire you for it.
           
     I won’t say the women on Newbury Street dress skimpy, but while in line for coffee I told the girl in front of me she had a tag sticking out of her skirt. She reached back to fix, and informed me it was actually her underwear.
            
     Once again I spent part of my summer vacation in New Hampshire. The room featured Fox News this year, but I was forced to make do with the Boston Globe. Columnist Kevin Cullen managed to comethisclose to ruining my stay with his bleeding heart boo-hoo report on, Azamat Tazhayakov the poor misguided teen accomplice to Marathon Bomber Dzokhar Tsarnaev. A fine young Muslim boy who smoked pot and drank booze so he could fully realize the American college experience. Having raised teenagers, I’ll stipulate to the fact they do stupid things-but knowingly covering up for your buddy the terrorist does not make you the victim, especially after you knew what he’d done because his picture was all over the TV. One can hope he will realize the American prison experience before his dumb @$$ is deported back to Russia-when he’s middle aged.
            
     President Obama claimed in a speech that Muslims were a part of the “fabric of America from the very beginning”. You know, I looked at the signatures on the Declaration of Independence and couldn’t find Mohammed Adams or Osama Ben Franklin.
            
     Funny how we make people pick up after their dog, but not themselves.
            
      Some notes on the Sergeant’s Test:
On my way I had the pleasure of passing a freshly killed skunk in the street. I thought:”how appropriate, I’m road kill too”
Seeing so many cops you don’t see regularly was like working the crowd at a wedding, if I missed anyone it wasn’t on purpose-catch you at the oral board.
Even if I wanted to cheat, my eyes are so bad I was lucky I could see MY test.
I’m not known for being the most punctual person, but even I managed to show up a half hour early. C’mon guys, if you can’t get there when you’re supposed to, maybe a promotion’s not your thing.
And, just in case someone from EB Jacobs or an involved Command Staff member sees this, the  Hockey Team got me to stop showing up after selecting me for our Hockey Hall of Fame-soooo if I get promoted, my days at the PAX are OVER…just sayin’
           
     I’m really starting to believe most cops aren’t THAT cynical, and some people ARE that stupid
            
      The US Supreme Court dealt Obamacare a blow, after finding in favor of “Hobby Lobby”. It seems the family owned business wasn’t in the business of offering enough birth control and was sued. The company protested along personal and religious lines and the Supremes agreed-since they were offering to provide 17 out of 20 (?) approved forms of contraception. The libs went wild-you’d think the party that tells us:”it’s for the children”, or “it amounts to a cup of coffee a day” would just suck it up-talk about your bitter clingers. Birth Control Pills cost about $600 a year, that’s about $12 a week. As Gov Patrick says-just bring your lunch one day a week, and that should cover it. Condoms are about $150/year or under $3 a week, skip the latte if you want to get latte’ed. Oh, did I mention both of these methods are covered by Hobby Lobby’s Insurance? This case wasn’t so much about choice or religion as much as it was about Government over-reach and control.
            
     Thousands of illegal alien children swarmed across our southern border, creating a humanitarian crisis of monumental importance. Rather than send them back to their parents, it looks like Uncle Sam wants to adopt these poor little refugees. Despite the fact that some of these juveniles are as old as 21, and more than a few are MS-13 gang members. VP Joe Biden referred to them as “our kids” in a speech-funny if you sent you kid overseas with a stranger for money, you’d find yourself in jail-hell you can’t even abandon a dog without repercussions.
            
     My kids’ behavior has dramatically improved since I hung that Adrian Peterson poster in their room.
            
     After one too many rocket attacks and the kidnapping and murder of three teens, Israel invaded Gaza-prompting an outcry over their tactics. Wow, Hamas, a terrorist group that uses children as human shields, and hides munitions in hospitals and schools claims the moral high ground-no wonder the liberals are so fond of them…
           
     I recently took a weekend trip to Martha’s Vineyard. I’m not sure, but I believe there is an island ordinance which requires every business to hang a “Jaws” poster alongside a picture of Obama or Clinton.
            
     September is a great month to make sure all the systems in your car are working properly-you use your Defroster in the morning, you’re A/C in the afternoon and your heater at night.
            
     I, for one, am sick of paying a fee to pay a bill. And it’s not just the promotional exams! The City of Boston charges you a fee to pay your Excise tax on-line, AT&T charges a service fee if you pay cash for your cell bill (really- A fee for CASH?!?!). My Insurance company sets up my monthly payments, then adds a surcharge to pay monthly! The examples are everywhere. I just ordered a bunch of checks and some stamps-screw you online payments the check is in the mail!
            
     There are certain items that give you the best feeling in the world right out of the package-I wish I could wear new underwear every day! A tooth-brush and windshield wipers are also at the top of the list.
            
     I’m reluctant to visit the turmoil in Ferguson, MO, until all the facts come out, and the investigations are complete. I will say this, though; how do a looted Flat Screen TV, and stolen cigs and booze translate to a call for justice?
            
     I saw a sign in a park the read “No Loitering”. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in a park? Apparently some people just don’t get it…
           
     If the drug epidemic is so bad in the ‘burbs, then why do they keep putting the methadone clinics in the city?
            
      The only thing that’s been beaten up more than Mrs Janay Rice Is the story about Mrs Janay Rice being beaten up. It seems like the NFL has more important problems than the name of its Washington franchise. The media is also complicit in this-Domestic Violence and Child Abuse are serious and sadly everyday matters. Instead of using these high profile examples to initiate change, they fuel the flames for ratings and circulation.
           
     I had to go by the  HQ to drop off some paperwork. As I talked to an old friend in the hall, people passed us-some of higher rank, including Command Staff. I greeted many of them by name. My companion noted that I knew so many Officers there-I said it was because I had been around so long-he laughed, saying he had been around too long, and now he knows no one (Thanks, Bob!)
            
     Maybe we should contract Disney to secure our borders, because even at the self-proclaimed “Happiest Place in the World”, if you jump the line you get thrown out!
           
     #selfie (Chainsmokers) is the ValleyGirl(Zappa) for millenniums. File under “name that tune”
            
     I am totally convinced that whoever issues the permits at City Hall does not know how to read a calendar. How else do you explain several events the same weekend, conflicting street closures, movers idled by road races and the like.
           
     I have been referred to as a “Xenophobe”, which is a fear of foreigners. The word finds its roots from a Greek historian/mercenary Xenophon. He was second in command of a large Greek Mercenary force (the Ten Thousand), fighting in the service of Cyrus, who was seeking the Persian Throne. After Cyrus was defeated, the Greeks were stranded deep in enemy territory, and had to literally fight their way home. Believe me I wouldn’t lift a finger to fight any illegals that want to go home- so I guess I’m not really xenophobic.
            
     Liberals claim to celebrate diversity, but apparently that merriment does not extend to the rich.
            
     A guy asked me if I could “pop a wheelie” on my bike-I told him if the Department wanted me on one wheel-they’d have issued me a unicycle.
           
      In California (where else?),  a local school district had proposed a lesson plan that compares Civil Rights Icon Dr Martin Luther King to convicted cop killer Mumia Abu Jamal. I don’t know who should be more mad, Maureen Faulkner-the widow of murdered Philadelphia cop Daniel Faulkner or the family of the late Dr King. What possible parallels could there be between a drug dealing thug whose own brother testified against him and a hero admired by millions around the world? Apparently this idea was even too far out for California, so it’s been shelved.

  Way back in the day, the US Gov't needed to get rid of the indigenous population out west. Wars were too risky, and since they proved to be quite skilled fighters, Uncle Sam had to try another tack. So he starved them by eradicating the biggest staple in their diet, and began to harry them until they agreed to settle on reservations. Once there, they were given blankets intentionally contaminated with smallpox, for which the Indians had no immunity. Tribe thinned, threat eradicated. This is all true; just ask Lie-zy Warren, it was her people. (Come to find out they were giving not receiving)
Who poses the threat now? People like us-free thinking, right leaning, Native Americans. There are more of them than us, so the gov't can afford to lose some as collateral damage. Ebola is the new poison blanket. 

ISIS makes the Nazis look like your HS Chess club. These blood thirsty Islamic terrorists like to chop off the heads of captured foes and video the festivities. Obama referred to them as the Junior Varsity-Mr President, they have climbed the depth chart! Oh how times have changed, in 1994 a US citizen was caned for vandalism in Singapore-and the entire country was up in arms, now a few journalists and aid workers are beheaded on YouTube and it’s “ho-hum” from the left.

     General Motors has issued a recall for over 39 million vehicles just this year alone. With a loss like that, shareholders will clamor for the CEO to be fired! Hey, after the bailout isn’t that Obama?

They say God only gives you what you can handle-sometimes I wish He didn’t have so much confidence in me…

In a deal that could go down as the worst trade since the Indians sold Manhattan for some trinkets, 5 hardened, vicious, terrorist generals were swapped for Bo Bergdahl- a possible deserter, certain sympathizer, who walked off his post in Afghanistan, searching for the Taliban to hug it out. Bergdahl should be given “The Man Without a Country” punishment (Edward Everett Hale, 1863). The Taliban Generals can go to hell, and sooner rather than later!
            
     Once again, with November looming, I urge all of you to get out and VOTE! If you don’t know enough about the candidates, get informed-and use your vote wisely-plenty of others will squander theirs. There are also ballot questions that will directly impact your wallet, so read up, and show up. Check out the Candidate Questionnaires in the PAX, look on-line, ask a friend, or just go with your gut, but VOTE! Or don’t complain.

            Remember, the world is full of great people, if you can’t find one, be one!