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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

If Ignorance is Bliss, Then Stupidity is Nirvana

In my relationship with my phone, I'm the “smart” one.

I'm proud of the fact that I cannot recognize ANY of the “Real Housewives”

Why is it, when you go to the Doctor's they always say watch how much you eat, watch how much you drink. You're never told to drink more beer and have more sex...

Washington D.C. Mayor Vincent Gray has made a generous offer to the Washington Redskins. His honor has promised funds for a new stadium, on the condition the team change it's name from the “offensive” slur on Native Americans...may I suggest Bullets, Snipers, or Crooks to reflect the neighborhood??

Speaking of football, Baltimore linebacker Ray Lewis went out on top, after the Ravens won the Super Bowl. The hype surrounding Lewis' retirement rivaled the big game itself. At every stop, there was the obligatory shot of Lewis crying. After football Lewis could become the first male spokes-model for mascara-his eyeblack never ran, no matter how severe the waterworks. The only guy who cried more than Ray this past year was Speaker of the House Boehner!

President Obama is urging changes in football to reduce injuries. He must be the only guy who enjoyed the Pro Bowl! If he institutes all the restrictions by 2016 the big game will be known as the “Safer Bowl”.

In the next election, I won't vote with my head or my wallet, I'll be voting with my (30 round) magazine.

A guy I know went on break with an electric cigarette. He came back two days later when the battery wore out...

Rapper Rick Ross was shot and as a result of his injuries crashed his car-I didn't even know he had turned his life around!

The “Go Daddy-Kiss” commercial during the Super Bowl made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

During the Physical Aptitude Testing, prior to becoming a Police Officer, applicants are required to hold a revolver at arms length and pull the trigger several times then repeat with the other hand. For a Fire Fighter, the PAT is similar, except you use a TV Remote...

At the rate we are being disarmed, soon we'll all be eating steak with plastic sporks!

When you rob Peter to pay Paul, eventually Paul will tire of being a victim.

A hidden danger to electric cars is also one of their selling points. It seems the hybrids are too quiet when running on battery power, and several pedestrians have had close calls with the near silent autos. Although considering the idiocy of some pedestrians with their texting and iPhone comas, this may just be Darwinism.

Is the money lost on parking meters during recent snow emergencies offset by tags and tows? Speaking of the aforementioned Snow Emergencies, with no cars on the road, parked or moving, WHY didn't they plow curb to curb? Oh and Gov Patrick, I went out for a joy ride 2 hours AFTER you overstepped your authority and ordered private citizens off the roads.

Boston University Professor Pedro Laserte, who teaches “Romance Languages” was sentenced to probation after pleading guilty to hitting a female acquaintance with brass knuckles...and I thought French was the International Language of Love!

Well it's Lent, and I'm trying not to eat meat on Friday's. Considering some of the rotten things I've done, if I end up in Hell, it most likely won't be the result of pepperoni pizza.

Doctors, athletes, politicians, etc are always downing fast food, and sugary drinks, BUT that doesn't stop them from having MacDonald's and Coca-Cola from sponsoring sporting events, and the Olympics.

Funny, we pay pro athletes millions, and don't care if they're covered with tattoos, no matter how tasteless. They provide nothing but entertainment and the occasional role model. Meanwhile, candidates for Law Enforcement and the Military are not accepted or censored for having some ink, get paid shit, and provide the blanket of security we all prosper under-go figure!

I don't use my cell phone to report driving jerks, because sometimes it's ME!

When I look at the sheets of salt laid down during snowstorms, I often wonder if Car Washes and Body Shops pay for it...

I can't help but chuckle to myself when I hear the “all-out” broadcast to transport people in need of shelter during inclement or extremely cold weather, YET people complain if they drive by a detail and see a cop warming up.

Whenever I hear that song “Moves Like Jagger” I picture someone dancing around with a cane or a walker. Really, Sir Mick is almost 70!

Lately it seems we don't have Law & Order, we have Law, or Order.

President Obama is using the tried and true Democratic tactic of scaring the public with dire forecasts of anarchy, and threats of cuts to local aid to pressure House Republicans to raise taxes in the face of sequestration. The across the board spending cuts will kick in March 1st, if a deal is not struck. Dear leader wants taxes raised, and cuts to military and defense spending but the House is defying him, claiming other cuts are available, and refusing to pile on the middle class any further after about 77% of working Americans' taxes were raised to avoid the Fiscal Cliff. Obama AGREED to the original deal, but now seems poised to heap the blame on the Republicans. If they cave-it's all over! Before the Government starts cutting jobs, maybe they should start cutting fraud and waste. How many Obama voters will get the axe, or a pay cut (at least 47% WON'T) ? And who will get the blame in the complicit media? The Republicans, the Tea Party, and Conservatives!

Need more proof the media is biased? Republican whiz kid Marco Rubio of Florida was pilloried for grabbing a drink of water before making a speech. He was even satirized on Saturday Night Live...BUT... Senator Menendez of New Jersey has been implicated in a scandal involving questionable donations, sketchy junkets, and sex with underage prostitutes in the Dominican Republic, and you'll have to look hard to find it outside the Right Wing outlets. The difference between the two? With an “R” after your name, drinking water gets you national attention, and ridicule, but allegedly banging underage girls on vacation and taking money and trips from an indicted donor garners barely a ripple with a “D” following...

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