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Tuesday, February 12, 2013

You Can't Defeat Santa Claus

You'll NEVER Defeat Santa Claus

     I overheard two young women talking on the elevator at Boston Municipal Court. They were discussing a male friend of theirs, who was being sued for child support. One says “Can you believe the nerve of that B****? Trying to get CHILD SUPPORT?!?” Gal #2 responds with this gem: “ Oughtta make that B**** take a DNA test and be sure she's the momma!” #1 replied “Ya no $#!+” I almost choked to death on my laughter.

     With the NHL on strike, what's the Lottery going to do with all those Bruins scratch tickets?

      The Mayan Calendar claims the world will end on December 21, 2012. The Doomsday preppers, and pessimists are planning for the end of days. I was doubtful until I saw this sign of the apocalypse...Cheetah's a NYC strip joint has opened a Charlie Sheen Room...Looks like I better get some more ammo...

      No matter how tough they try to make it look, it's still a Mini Cooper...

     Despite Liberals' best intentions, Americans still celebrate strength. If we didn't, we'd be rooting for the New England Cowards or the New York Runts.

     Headline from a Florida Newspaper: “Ocean Tears Away Sand in Ft Lauderdale” Before you put in a call to Al Gore, look up erosion.

     A listed side effect for an asthma medication is “shortness of breath”

     I was driving in to work after a detail, and heard an Amber Alert over my car radio, listing all pertinent info. A moment later, my walkie-talkie broadcast an all-out, with most of the same information, then a second all-out with the plate...

     How to tell you work too much: I passed a cop I've known for years in traffic. We were both in civvies. It took us a light cycle to recognize each other.

     A Texas DA sought a 45 year sentence for a mother who super-glued her kid's hands to a wall then delivered a vicious beating on the defenseless child. The judge would not here of such a thing-he sentenced her to 99 years...God Bless Texas!

     I know the voice says calls will be answered in the order they were received, but do we really know that?

     Convicted child killer Charles Janes has found religion in prison (oddly no separation of Church and State there) and has become a Wiccan. Along with his faith he wants to change his name, and has filed a lawsuit in order to make it happen. You may remember Janes for the murder of young Jeffrey Curley. Janes and his accomplice sexually abused, murdered, and dumped his body to hide their heinous crime, which was so chilling it spurred a Death Penalty debate in the State. I think he should be allowed to change his name-to DECEASED.

     Writing “Wash Me” on a dirty car was probably funny the first or second time it was EVER done.

     After answering the hundredth angry motorist at a street closing for a road race, I think the guy who issues the permits should have to set up a booth where we could send these inconvenienced drivers/residents. Then HE could get the grief, because I for one am sick of the complaints.

     I saw a woman carrying a puppy. She put it down in the park to do his business, which she dutifully cleaned. Then she picked the pup back up and carried him back inside. All the while I wondered what she needed the leash for???

     A new trend that I disapprove of is the Halloween Candy Fairy . If you're out of the loop, this one involves parents sorting the kids' Halloween haul, and claiming the Candy Fairy took the sweets to give to kids who didn't Trick or Treat...just like the Government does with our money...

     The venerable and much maligned Hostess Twinkie has disappeared. Hostess closed its doors after failing to settle a strike. Talk about a missed opportunity, with pot being legalized all over the country, the sides could have negotiated a profit sharing bonus plan, and they'd all be rich. File under: “Got any munchies, Dude?”

     Chicago had its 500th Homicide recently. It's also home to some of the strictest Gun Control policies in the U.S.! Private citizens are NOT allowed to carry weapons outside the home, despite US Supreme Court rulings that found otherwise. The situation proves the old adage “When guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns”. Chicago's known as the “Windy City”, because chances are you could get blown away.It also proves gun control cannot and will not work until Criminals are disarmed. Another thing which bothers me about this; after the Supremes found for the gun owners in Chi-town, the city refused to issue gun licenses, and rewrote the laws to keep law abiding citizens unarmed and at the mercy of the savages who have for all intents and purposes taken over some neighborhoods, forcing the parties back to Court. BUT I'd be willing to bet if the Courts found to the contrary, Chicago pols would be confiscating legal guns round the clock with the caveat that they'll be held until the appeals process ended. H-Y-P-O-C-R-I-T-E-S!!!

     There is no such thing as “No Iron” shirts or pants!

     NFL Red Zone is A-D-D TV. I'd like to suggest NFL Hot Zone, where they showed only the cheerleaders from every game...just sayin'!

     New Jersey Gov. Chris Christy has been called by some as “too fat” to be President. Funny how we never elect anyone “too smart”.

     When did soap and shampoo stop smelling like ,well, soap and shampoo. I came out of the shower and smelled like a fruit salad in a flower shop.

     No matter who's in power, Liquor Stores ALWAYS make money.

     Christmas shopping turned me into the Mall Lot Stalker...”are you going out?”...”are you going out?”...hehehe...

     I think broadcasting Line of Duty Deaths over the Police radio from Operations is a somber reminder of sacrifices made by Officers over the years. I would however like to see them read by a sworn officer, and list the cause of death; bomb, gunshot, accident, etc. so we don't become complacent during our tours. When it's not in use-my mourning band resides on the epaulet of my shirt, a reminder if you will that Death can lurk anywhere.

     You know you've had too much red wine, when you look in the mirror and your teeth make you look like a Dickens' character...

     Since when has the word “incompetent” become a racist code word? It's not like you're saying “Golf” or “Chicago”...

     A California woman has lost her Worker's Compensation along with her freedom after she was seen dropping her crutches, and running to meet her lover in a public park. The two then engaged in a sex act that placed the woman in a compromising position that medically could not have been supported by her allegedly broken ankle.

     Why is it that every one else can have a bad day, EXCEPT cops?

     An Iowa woman was fired from her job after her boss (OK, HIS WIFE!) said she was too attractive. Iowa Supreme Court upheld the dismissal. Guess I'll never have to worry that could happen to me...

     I had an opportunity to go to a public gun range with some relatives. Granted the conditions are luxurious (indoor,heated, well lit,etc) but the shooters are serious. These folks enjoy shooting, and almost all of them were more than competent with their weapons. It's ironic to think there are some cops who don't take firearm training seriously. Hopefully I/we NEVER have to fire a shot during our tour, but at least If we do we should be proficient with our sidearm.

      Proving that hair dye may indeed cause brain damage, Sports broadcaster Bob Costas went on an anti gun rant, during a Sunday Night Football telecast. Calling for stricter gun controls, and spewing misleading or incorrect facts, Costas was inspired by Fox contributor Jason Whitlock. Whitlock for those of you who don't know likened the NRA to the KKK, claiming the NRA's pro gun politics are just as harmful to black communities as the hooded racists. Neither was criticized by their bosses or sanctioned in any way, citing Freedom of the Press and Right to Free Speech...OK, I'LL AGREE, just as soon as you bring back Hank Williams Jr...

     Why do people want to argue with the Police? We are bound by the laws we uphold, and after explaining why or why not we're taking certain actions, that should be the end. The Court is the forum for debate, not the street. Yet these same folks, pay their taxes without question, don't bang on the door of the store when it's closed for the night DEMANDING they be let in, wait in line at the sandwich shop without cutting, and on and on...So why question US? We're just doing our job, giving us just a modicum of respect and cooperation will go a long way towards ending our interaction in the briefest possible time.

     At this point Medical Professional force me to inform all readers that continuing this article while seated may cause your legs to fall asleep-if the rest of you isn't already...

     The City of Boston is working on a plan to put “parklets” in empty parking spaces. A parklet is some astro turf, a bench and a potted tree or something along those lines, level with the curb, and taking up to three parking spaces. And where are the cars supposed to go? How about placing them in front of hydrants, that way no one loses a spot, the City gets its patio, and in the event of an actual fire, the stuff can be easily moved, after you wake up the bum sleeping on the bench of course. File under”Walk or Die”

     Conservative talk radio is being run out of town it appears, after 1200 AM Rush radio switched to an all comedy format (now you can laugh as Rome burns) and WTKK 96.9 FM is soon to be a music channel. Among those let go, was talk show host Michael Graham, whose contract was not renewed. As a 1/16th Cherokee, I'm wondering how quickly our Senator elect will rush to the aid of her tribal brother???

     Got to love those Chevy Volt commercials-think of how happy all six dopes that bought them were to be in the same room!

     A 62 year old Cushing man will serve jail time after assaulting his estranged wife “with his genitalia”. I read this in the “Bangor Daily News”! (Can't make this stuff up!) Upon his release he will become the new spokesman for Viagra.

     If a deer runs out in front of a car decorated as Rudolph, and an accident occurs, does the responding Trooper dispatch them both?

     In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, the town of Breezy Point, NY was hit with 14 B&E's around Thanksgiving. The town had 0 the year before. File under “Looters will be Shot-NOT”

     I'm convinced that Zombies would starve to death if they feasted on the electorate-there's nary a brain in the bunch!

     Why Winter may be better than Summer...

You can always put on another layer of clothes, but if you take off too much you could be arrested

If you drink a hot coffee or cocoa, it warms you, but drinking ice cold water just makes you sweat more

After being inside, you stay warm for a little while at least, but emerge from an air conditioned spot, and you are immediately clammy...

     The rich may indeed get richer, but the poor never get poorer.

     After Gov Patrick announced In State (free!) tuition to illegals as well as EBT benefits, I'm beginning to think Biden was partly right when he said “put y'all in chains” only I'm thinking he meant anyone with a job!

     Speaking of illegals, looks like Onyango Obama (Uncle Omar) will get another hearing on his immigration status. Uncle Omar was ordered out of the US on two previous occasions in 1970 and again in '92, but never left, continuing to work and even buy a house, all the while hiding in plain sight. Officials at ICE say while almost all illegals get only one hearing, three are seldom granted. Anyone want to place a wager on the outcome?

     Liberals claim guns are responsible for crime. If that's the case, let's put guns in jail, and have the criminals move in with the Liberals. Put up or shut up!

     In New York City two left wing liberal children of privilege, who may be affiliated with the Occupy Movement, were arrested at their Greenwich apartment in possession of illegal weapons, bomb making materials and terrorist booklets. Aaron Greene (31) who attended Harvard and girlfriend Morgan Gliedman (27), from a prominent New York family, were taken into custody after a NYPD raid. The pregnant Gliedman went into labor during her arraignment delivering a baby girl. I hope they never see that child until she graduates college. Funny how this got little play in the media. I'd bet if it were two Tea Party members, the story would have knocked the fiscal cliff off the front page. I wonder who these two voted for...

     You've got to love the ad soliciting donations for the Special Olympics. In it the announcer calmly boasts “no annoying jingles”! Take THAT 1-877-Cars-4-Kids.

     We've all done details and dealt with complaints from contractors or citizens who have been inconvenienced. They run the gamut of the privileged demanding you shut down operations and let them pass (always reminds me of the end of Trading Places-when one of the Duke's is yelling “turn the machines back on!”), the stupid who ignore all your safety precautions and walk right into the work area, or the junkies and bums who always seem to have a comment, and know how to do YOUR job better than YOU do. The problem arises when they call the Mayor's Office, 9-1-1, HQ or the station to complain, some on their Obamaphones. Now most of us do our job on details, we're there, trying to insure the safety of pedestrians and keep the motoring public, well...motoring. We're yelled at, given the “finger” ,or the incessant beeping horn., but we do our best under sometimes trying circumstances. I'm not being a crybaby here, I'm just wondering...who do WE call to complain about THEM? Can we call the Contractor's Coalition? The Snob Association? Or the Bum Union?

     In order to settle a lawsuit brought by an organization run by the daughter of our first Native American Senator, Massachusetts was obliged to send out voter registration info to the States' Welfare recipients. About 19000 came back “return to sender-no forwarding address”.I guarantee our esteemed legislators will rant and rave for sound bites, and photo ops then do absolutely NOTHING! How about showing some fiscal responsibility and CANCEL those EBT cards, at least until the cardholder comes forward, and re-establishes contact with the Dept of Transitional Assistance? File under: “Missing, Inaction.”

     “God helps those who help themselves.” The Government helps those too lazy to try!

     The Religion of Peace celebrated September 11th with attacks on the US Embassy in Egypt, and our consulate in Benghazi, Libya. 4 Americans were killed including the Ambassador to Libya. An obscure anti-muslim film was blamed for the carnage, and our UN Ambassador Rice sang that party line, even after it was determined Al-Queda & the Taliban were behind the raids. As of this writing-NOTHING has been done to avenge our fallen-except give these countries more $$$$.

     Considering the cult of personality that surrounds Obama, I have to wonder why it's OK to place political signs on public property but not a Nativity? Don't think so? Check out the painting of dear leader on display at Bunker Hill CC, showing Obama in a crucifixion like pose. Can you say separation of church and state??? Or maybe Jamie Foxx referring to him as “our lord and savior Barack Obama” will convince you...

     A new study shows using a laptop in the dark or late at night can cause depression-especially if you followed the election results.

     A cop at the tragic Sandy Hook school shooting asked “why did God let this happen?” during an interview. I saw this response online: “Sorry my son, I'm not allowed in school-God” Makes you think, doesn't it?

     And now for the moment you've all been waiting for: my election recap!

Q1 passed allowing you to avoid the $150/hr dealer labor rates and get your car fixed wherever you want.

Q2 passed allowing you to kill yourself. I suggest all who voted for this take advantage-the sooner the better, or as my man Ebenezer Scrooge said”better get to it and decrease the surplus population” Q2 was so poorly defined, that its authors asked it not be implemented.

Q3 passed allowing medical use of marijuana in Massachusetts despite Federal Law outlawing pot under any circumstances. Wonder if AG Holder will sue a-la Arizona? If it does go through, I have a metric ton of Twinkies stashed, and will sell them to the HIGHEST bidder...

Sen Scott Brown was defeated by Elizabeth (I'm an Okie down to my toes!) Warren. Massachusetts citizens haven't been this excited about an Indian since Squanto showed up. In order to show my support I've told everyone I know to check the box marked Native American on any and all applications and such.

Obama won-Romney lost. Look for policies and appointments that will lead us to European-style Socialism, or worse...

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