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Monday, May 4, 2015

Always Have a Safe Word

ALWAYS Have a Safe Word


        This winter was so harsh, I raised a white flag in surrender, but Mother Nature couldn’t see it with all that snow.
        
     With roads closed, and parking bans in effect, Officers of the Boston Police Department were tasked to ferry essential doctors and nurses to their hospitals during February’s blizzards. I believe the courtesy service was referred to as “BL-Uber”.
        
     Potential Democratic Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton went MIA, amid rumors of plastic surgery. I heard she wanted a boob reduction, but nobody else wanted Bill,
        
     I used to look good in all my tight shirts, now all my shirts are good and tight.
        
     Islamic terror group Al-Shabaab made bold threats to shoot up malls in America. Liberalism holds the key to stopping these attacks:
“What does that say on the mall door, Achmed?”
“It reads ‘Gun Free Zone’, Mohammed”
“Damn those Infidels, they are so clever!”
“Allah help us, now we must think of a new plan”
        
     Speaking of Islamic terrorists, the JV, alias ISIS, in an act of savagery that was over the top even by their sick standards, burned a captured Jordanian pilot alive, and broadcast the murder on Social Media. In response the King of Jordan, ordered all ISIS prisoners being held to be immediately executed, then donned his flight suit, strapped himself into an attack aircraft, and personally led airstrikes against these barbarians. Obama went golfing.
        
     I don’t know why they annoy me so much, but I would like to replace the “Sonic” guys’ hot dogs with dynamite.
        
     Performers and Presenters at this year’s Oscar show got the most expensive “swag bag” ever, with gifts totally around $160,000. Uncle Sam got his share of the perk in the form of about $40.000 in taxes (appx. 25%). Meanwhile we toil on lucrative details and OT only to be whacked with a tax of about 32%. Where’s my $%^&*&# Red Carpet???
        
     With all the snow in February, District Four was officially renamed “Ice Station Delta”
        
     I won’t say the bums in Copley Square Park are causing more trouble, but Katie Copley is set to be replaced by a German Shepherd.
        
     MY NOTICE TO APPEAR FOR MY ANNUAL DRUG TESTING WAS WRITTEN ENTIRELY IN CAPS. I FELT LIKE I WAS BEING YELLED AT!!!!
        
     When you’re young you talk about the future, when you’re old you talk about the past…
        
     Now that Bowe Bergdahl has been charged with desertion, will the 5 Taliban thugs we swapped for him return to Gitmo?
        
     NBC News Anchor Brian Williams has been suspended after he was caught in a lie. It seems Williams claimed to have been on a helicopter that was shot down during the Iraq war, but was actually on a different chopper, which did not come under fire. This fib caused a domino effect that exposed several more untruths over the course of his career. Now the guy who read the news, IS the news. What a tangled web we weave, when is our business to deceive…
        
     Republican Senator Ted Cruz announced his candidacy for President in 2016. Liberals immediately attacked the Texan because his Cuban father fled to Canada…now if he left Cuba and went to Kenya…
        
      Obama administration officials claim the unrest in the Middle East is the result of poor economic opportunity. In other words, the Taliban and ISIS would not hate us if they had jobs. I propose we rectify that situation immediately. We should employee any willing Islamic Terrorists as bullet magnet quality control, explosive testers, and casket interior inspectors.
        
     With the freezing temps and snow testing every cop’s fortitude, HQ reminded Officers to maintain uniform standards. Now I ask you gentle reader, if 150 cops at a funeral can’t manage to wear the same thing, after being told what to bring; what makes the Crystal Palace think cops won’t bundle up in a blizzard?? Just a thought, if you left a dog out for hours in that weather, you’d be in jail, we got traffic posts.
        
     If you worry whether you can be a good parent, you probably will…
        
     During a concert, Madonna tripped over her cape and toppled off the stage. When you get to her age, falls become more common. File under: Bruised ego, broken hip…
        
     Starbucks is taking some heat for a decision to engage customers on the subject of racism. Just what America needs, a lecture from a hipster with a ring in his nose…can I get directions to the nearest Tim Horton’s?
        
     Iran and the US are in negotiations to keep the Persians from developing a nuclear bomb. Secretary of State Kerry claims the deal will do just that…pardon me if I have a little trouble believing that. These are the same folks that claimed Health Care would cost less, and we could keep our doctor…just sayin’
        
     ISIS wants to re-establish the 7th Century Caliphate. I say good for them! Let’s bomb them back to the Stone Age, and they can pick up from there.
       
     San Fran-sicko is debating a ban on Oreo’s. They claim the tasty snack contains dangerous trans fats (that’s why it tastes so gooood!) and must be kept from children. I think those Commies just don’t like the fact that it’s America’s favorite cookie!
        
     While in Aruba, I saw a very fat guy with a rather attractive woman. I thought; “he’s punching over his weight class” then realized, there is no weight class over his-way to go tubby!
       
     Indiana recently passed the “Religious Freedom Restoration Act”. It has sparked vigorous debate, with the left claiming the law allows discrimination. Funny thing is, it is based on the Federal version, which has been on the books since it was championed by Liberal lion Ted Kennedy and signed by Bill Clinton. Really??? I thought these hypocrites preached TOLERANCE (as long as you agree with them, I guess)
        
     Kudos to Chief Gross! After a Boston cop was shot, and his assailant was summarily dispatched by other Officers, the usual agitators gathered to pose for selfies while they berated the Police. Not that it was necessary, but the Chief engaged the protestors, and found himself being insulted, and harangued by the crowd. Rather than lose his temper, the boss simply walked away, leaving the protesters no foil for their phony anger.
        
     When I see these fools, all I’m reminded of is the old fable about the boy who cried wolf. Their constant BS desensitizes people and in the event of a real injustice, they will have effectively disempowered the aggrieved. Blocking highways and roads doesn’t make you a hero, it makes you an inconvenience, with all the relevance of a traffic jam, and we all know how much Bostonians love those…
        
     A minister working at English High shot and seriously injured a student, over a drug deal gone awry. Shaun Harrison was well known for his anti gang activities, but apparently that was just a ploy to cut down on his competition. After it came to light that a neighbor lodged several complaints against the “Rev” over drug activity, the smoke and mirror machine kicked into high gear, with officials claiming he was under investigation and just hours away from being charged/fired. File under: Double Secret Probation.
        
     While we’re on the subject of wayward BTU employees, check out their newspaper, specifically a column by Heidi Winston. The school nurse busted out the broad brush and labeled all Police Officers as racist thugs out to shoot or beat down the citizens. She went on to praise the protesters who blocked 93 and burned down Ferguson, mentioning a hefty donation made by the BTU to the protesters. Now I won’t insult the good hard working Boston Public School employees by lumping them all in with this dolt. She’s entitled to her misinformed opinion. Maybe she should enlarge her circle of friends to include a few law enforcement professionals and broaden her horizons. Or at least read the PAX!
        
     Patrick Cherry, a New York City detective is in hot water, after being taped verbally bashing an Uber driver. The viral video resulted in the officer being demoted and placed on modified duty, even after apologizing. Bratton calls it abuse, I call it a verbal warning. We’ve all seen how these clowns drive.
       
     Finally, thoughts and prayers for a full and speedy recovery go out to Officer Moynahan of the BPD YVSF. John was shot in the line of duty by a career thug, who was himself killed by other Officers on the scene. A decorated military veteran, and from what I hear a pretty decent hockey player, there’s no doubt this guy is tough. So get well soon, we’re all thinking of you.
        
     Talking about bullfighting is not the same as being in the ring with the bull.

        
     So, boys and girls looks like it’s going to be a long hot summer out in the streets. Watch your six, keep an eye on your fellow Officers, stay hydrated and rested. Or take a few days off, drink some beer and go to the beach. Either way, stay safe.

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