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Wednesday, February 25, 2015

 New Year, New Team

            While on a trip to Florida recently, I saw a lot of signs warning boaters to be wary of manatees. A tour boat operator gave us the local lore that the first mariners to these shores thought they were mermaids. I immediately wondered how desperate for female companionship you would need to be to consider a manatee attractive, or how much grog you had to consume.
     I got my Advent Calendar on the 12th, so I could play catch up with the chocolate.
    I have brought my gun to Starbucks while off duty on numerous occasions. It usually orders Latte, and hasn’t bothered anyone.
     Speaking of Starbucks, I was sitting outside (it was Florida!) and this guy starts waving as he’s approaching. I hop up to greet him and he walks right past me to the table behind. I think my wife is still laughing.
     Just a few things that struck me about Florida in the winter: seeing Christmas trees next to palm trees is a bit unsettling. Saw an ad that boasted “Extreme Segway Tours”, and wondered how that was possible? They go about as fast as people run, what makes it extreme? No helmet? Your body acclimates to the warm much better than the cold. And the Gopher Tortoise is endangered. It likes to snuggle with car tires for warmth in cooler months, kind of like a reptilian chock block. No wonder they are endangered.
     I got an “I Can’t Breathe” T-shirt, like, it’s so much cooler than a Medic-Alert bracelet for my asthma.
     A guy came up to me in a hotel, and asked me where the Janitor’s Interviews were being held. I gave him directions to the Men’s Room.
     It still shocks me when an Officer with almost thirty years is passed over for an Officer with almost thirty tours.
      Same with making Sergeants while cops are waiting for their marks from the new test- a practice that impacts they guys who end up at the bottom of the new list, rather than the top.
     Oh how the mighty have fallen: A sprawling Christmas lights display at the corner of Warren Av has for the past six years or so, prominently featured Barack Obama, even displaying a likeness dressed as (GASP!) Santa. Three foot lighted letters spelled out his name, and even Michelle joined him a few times. This year, not even an honorable mention. I guess once the Republicans took over the Legislature, Barry Claus got the pink slip.
     Rapper Iggy Azalea has been threatened by hackers “Anonymous” demanding an apology to Black Lives Matter and fellow Hip Hopper Azealia Banks over a Twitter comment. The group claims to have an Iggy sex tape and they threaten to publish a nudie if she does not comply. Having seen the size of her backside, I remind you that a newspaper is also referred to as a BROADsheet! File Under: Wide Angle Lens.
     A new medical study shows that lending a friend money can cause memory loss.
     Gas prices have plummeted, falling, in many places to under $2/gallon, for the first time since Bush was President. Now I ask you gentle reader, when gas prices increased consumer pricing for everyday goods and services rose proportionally based on delivery expenses. So when the $%*&^ are food prices coming down to reflect this????
     The state of Oklahoma executed a Death Row inmate, Charles Warner, despite pressure from Death Penalty opponents claiming the last execution of Clayton Lockett violated the Cruel and Unusual punishment clause of the US Constitution after he experienced some discomfort.. Funny, the condemned Lockett died after his lethal injection, so I don’t see how that qualifies as “botched”.
     I may have watched too much South Park…I can sometimes understand Kenny
     Parents of a Little League pitcher struck by a hit ball are suing the bat’s manufacturer. Now, I’m not making light of the injury but suing the bat maker is like suing a gun company after…nevermind
     Boston schools were closed recently when officials determined it was too cold OUTSIDE. Really? -and the pansification of America continues.
     Love is blind, it’s marriage that’s the eye-opener (thanks Val!)
       I travelled to New York City for the funeral of NYPD Officer Wenjian Liu, along with many other members of the XXPD.  Both funerals were well attended-it was a strong showing of support for our Brothers and Sisters in the Big Apple. Just a few thoughts, we really do need a Dress Uniform. At events like that, maybe posting the Color Guard out front and using those Officers to dress the lines would make us look a bit sharper, and cops, no matter where they are from always have a twin in another department…
     The Naples Florida Police Department has a drag racing team.
     When did the practice of naming winter storms BEFORE they hit start? Winter storms have ALWAYS got their names AFTER they dumped countless feet of white global warming on New England, like Blizzard of ’78; No-Name Storm; Perfect Storm; April Fools Storm. I guess this is a case of hurricane envy.
     Planned Parenthood has been teaching sex ed classes in California (where else!) using “Genderbread Persons”. And the attacks on Christmas keep coming…
     Protesters blocked I-93 North and South forcing thousands of commuters to wait while these spoiled children wearing adult diapers were physically removed. The crew in Somerville/Medford was escorted off by Troopers and local PD’s but those in Milton were determined to make a statement by using concrete filled barrels to lock themselves together. Public Safety was jeopardized by these terrorists (yes I said that!) who inconvenienced their fellow citizens, even causing ambulances to be re-routed, to get their message across. Funny though, a viral video of them being heckled ended with the cell phone commando being threatened with bodily harm. Of course, since this is Massachusetts, almost all of them were set free with no bail. If I were in charge, I would have ordered up a couple of the DOT barrier trucks, some cones and a few troopers. Then I would simply move the offenders into the left lane and made them wait until traffic had been relieved and it was safe to get them out of there, probably around 2 am. I’d also love to see a class-action lawsuit against Occupy and #blacklivesmatter for this nonsense.
     Islamic Terrorists (there goes my gig at Al-Jazeera) attacked the Paris offices of “Charlie Hebdo”. The attack left 12 dead, including a Muslim policeman who was seen on video begging for his life. The savages responsible for this were themselves gunned down by French police a few days later. In the aftermath, a huge rally drawing millions along with many World Leaders gathered in Paris to show support and resolve in the face of this cowardly act. Everyone, that is, except Obama. In a move destined to damage Franco-American relations for years to come, he did send Secretary of State John Kerry who brought along that hippie geezer James Taylor who serenaded  the French with “You’ve Got a Friend” while Kerry swayed dreamily to the music. File Under: Dip-($#!+) plomacy. Je suis Charlie!
     I won’t say some of these new guys are salty, but I saw one walking into the station, and the snow was melting under him.
     After a storm dumped almost 2 feet of snow over Boston, the Herald on-line featured these two gems listed next to each other: So silly I don’t even have to make a joke…
“Massachusetts lashed by heavy snow, wind but has few outages”
“Thousands without power during snowstorm in Massachusetts”
     The aforementioned blizzard was so severe, the Massachusetts House delayed a hearing on a bill to combat…wait for it…Global Warming!
     During his State of the Union address Obama channeled his inner Robin Hood, declaring he would take from the rich to give to the poor. Which would nominally be OK, think Hollywood Liberal Millionaires, but his definition of “rich” includes most of the middle class.
     Uber Lib tubbie Michael Moore caused quite a furor after he panned the film “American Sniper”, claiming all snipers are cowards because his uncle was killed by one during WW2. Too bad the scharfschutze didn’t pop pops, the world would have been spared this bloated turd. Stick to your mockumentaries, which you are free to make because of those who serve. Of course to a fattie like you the word “serve” is ALWAYS followed by the words “me more food.”
     With the Patriots heading to the Super Bowl, XXXX Police Officers were once again ordered in on their day off to patrol the Hub. They were bolstered by NEMLEC and METROLEC who get 8 hours minimum pay, and a day off.

     The Patriots WIN the Super Bowl and AGAIN XXPD Officers are ordered in on their day off to patrol the Duck Boat Parade. Of course that little fact didn’t stop old friend Sam Tyler of the Boston Municipal Research Bureau from taking a cheap shot at us. After a Herald reporter got a quip about the snow removal budget for the parade, Tyler groused:”This isn’t something like police overtime or fire overtime where every year they exceed their budget” Sam can you grasp the concept of ORDERED? I’ll let the boss know I’m just doing my bit next time I get grabbed for a morning watch, and tell him you said it was OK, so we don’t go over budget.

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