Si Se Puede!
Summer time
and the globe has been entertained by the World Cup in Brazil. B-O-R-I-N-G!!
Soccer is the only thing the Third World does better than the US-unless you
count big families, suicide bombers, drugs and border jumping. The games were
filled with drama-guys were knocked down by mosquitoes or injured by dandelions,
and writhed like they were electrocuted. There’s no reason to make a wall and
cover the jewels, most of these guys don’t have any. The only thing manly
occurred when a Dutch player got a cut on his head, and in true hockey fashion,
got it stapled on the sideline and returned to the game. Talk about talent-most
of lay with the announcers, especially when a team of players with only consonants
in their names played a team with only vowels in theirs’- although they lost
their cred when they whined about a game ending on Penalty Kicks. These are the
same people who refer to overtime wins as “Sudden Victory”. The hype and
commercials were more exciting than the games. Soccer is truly a sport made for
ESPN, only the highlights are worth watching.
Russia has invaded the Ukraine. Putin fooled
Obama with the move, by marching in backwards, and telling him they were
leaving.
Only my department: the new computer system allows you to go off on a Code
303 (officer involved shooting) but not a Code 16(traffic enforcement). Who designed this thing, the same dopes that built the
Obamacare Website??
The very rich and the very poor have more in
common than you’d think-they both have people working for them (Thanks LC)
When you work with your hands a lot, you develop calluses to protect
them. I ride my bike so much I’ve developed a call-ass. Speaking of riding my
bike, I’ve about had it with the helmet Nazis. I was riding MY bike along a DCR
trail, when I met a rider coming in the opposite direction. I should have known
he was a dick because he was sporting the skin tight Tour De France starter
kit. He began to furiously tap his forehead with is index finger. I shrugged
and he yelled “helmet”- so I began to point at my forehead using a different
finger, and yelled “take it easy Lance”. I would have challenged him further,
but he looked too fit to fight.
Funny how you’ll encounter a big mouth at work
and their intestinal fortitude increases exponentially the farther away from
you they get. I refer to this as the “20 Yard Tough Guy Phenomenon”
I know we men are simple creatures, but a recent “Cosmo” cover blurted
“where to touch to drive him WILD”. Really?? If you don’t already know that,
you probably deserve to be alone…
If the NFL forces Washington to change its
name, but allows Kansas City keep theirs, they will have too many Chiefs, no
Redskins?
Have you ever woken up before your alarm clock goes off, then spend the
time awake to make sure it does, and worried that it won’t?
I saw a guy in a hoodie on a ninety degree
day. I asked him “aren’t you hot” and he said, “No, it’s a lot warmer where I’m
from”… And that’s the first time I ever met someone from Hell.
While patrolling a housing development in the South End recently, I had
to tag several double parked cars in the middle of the day. Many of the cars
were newer models, and as I was issuing cites, several able bodied men ran out
to move them. I guess they must all work nights.
Is there any chance we could get militarized
BEFORE we get de-militarized?
We’ve all seen them, the junkies on the nod who contort their bodies into
unusual positions, but NEVER fall. We should dress them all in colorful
leotards, and call it “Cirque de Suboxone”
A Federal Judge put long time Michigan Rep
John Conyers back on the ballot, even after he failed to gather the requisite
number of signatures. The Democrat who has been in Congress for almost 50 years
couldn’t come up with 1000 registered voters’ signatures to secure a spot in
the primary. If you’ve been in Congress for half a century and don’t have
enough names in your favor rolodex to get a thousand signatures, you don’t
deserve a vote, either that or you just don’t give a crap. I’m not sure what’s
worse…
California Chrome tried to make it an even dozen Triple Crown winners,
but came up short in the Belmont. Don’t feel bad for the thoroughbred though,
he’s sure to enjoy his promotion to “stud”. With an average fee of $40k a shot,
and about 150 (ahem) opportunities a year, CC’s sure to have a heck of a
retirement. The top stud fee in horse racing however is $150k per “visit”, and
is commanded by a horse named “Tap It” (can’t make this stuff up!), yet the
Globe calls details lucrative.
When a police officer tells you that you cannot
park in a spot, he’s not obligated to find you a different one.
I walked to a restaurant, and there was a sign on the door that said “No
Strollers”, so I left.
The Police Patrolman’s Conundrum: I
must force myself to work sixteen hours, so the Department can’t force me to
work sixteen hours. #yaordered!
Coming home late from work one night, I was channel surfing and stopped
on the “Dark Knight Rises”. It took me a minute to realize it was in
Spanish-and Bane sounded like the announcer for “Sabador Gigante”
Doing traffic is like dealing with a 3 year
old…”But WHY?” Oh, and I for one am sick of these folks telling me not to yell
at them. Yet they have the window rolled up, or are on a cell phone, or the GPS
told me to, or using ear buds. Maybe I should just get an air horn, and after
sounding it to get their attention speak to them with my inside voice…NOT!!
Big Government and Big Business both run on inefficiency and
incompetence, but a business can fire you for it.
I won’t say the women on Newbury Street
dress skimpy, but while in line for coffee I told the girl in front of me she
had a tag sticking out of her skirt. She reached back to fix, and informed me
it was actually her underwear.
Once again I spent part of my summer vacation in New Hampshire. The room
featured Fox News this year, but I was forced to make do with the Boston Globe.
Columnist Kevin Cullen managed to comethisclose to ruining my stay with his
bleeding heart boo-hoo report on, Azamat Tazhayakov the poor misguided teen
accomplice to Marathon Bomber Dzokhar Tsarnaev. A fine young Muslim boy who
smoked pot and drank booze so he could fully realize the American college
experience. Having raised teenagers, I’ll stipulate to the fact they do stupid
things-but knowingly covering up for your buddy the terrorist does not make you
the victim, especially after you knew what he’d done because his picture was
all over the TV. One can hope he will realize the American prison experience
before his dumb @$$ is deported back to Russia-when he’s middle aged.
President Obama claimed in a speech that
Muslims were a part of the “fabric of America from the very beginning”. You
know, I looked at the signatures on the Declaration of Independence and
couldn’t find Mohammed Adams or Osama Ben Franklin.
Funny how we make people pick up after their dog, but not themselves.
Some notes on the Sergeant’s Test:
On my way I had the
pleasure of passing a freshly killed skunk in the street. I thought:”how
appropriate, I’m road kill too”
Seeing so many cops you
don’t see regularly was like working the crowd at a wedding, if I missed anyone
it wasn’t on purpose-catch you at the oral board.
Even if I wanted to
cheat, my eyes are so bad I was lucky I could see MY test.
I’m not known for being
the most punctual person, but even I managed to show up a half hour early.
C’mon guys, if you can’t get there when you’re supposed to, maybe a promotion’s
not your thing.
And, just in case
someone from EB Jacobs or an involved Command Staff member sees this, the Hockey Team got me to stop showing up after selecting me for our Hockey
Hall of Fame-soooo if I get promoted, my days at the PAX are OVER…just sayin’
I’m really starting to believe most cops aren’t THAT cynical, and some people
ARE that stupid
The US Supreme Court dealt Obamacare a blow,
after finding in favor of “Hobby Lobby”. It seems the family owned business
wasn’t in the business of offering enough birth control and was sued. The
company protested along personal and religious lines and the Supremes
agreed-since they were offering to provide 17 out of 20 (?) approved forms of
contraception. The libs went wild-you’d think the party that tells us:”it’s for
the children”, or “it amounts to a cup of coffee a day” would just suck it
up-talk about your bitter clingers. Birth Control Pills cost about $600 a year,
that’s about $12 a week. As Gov Patrick says-just bring your lunch one day a
week, and that should cover it. Condoms are about $150/year or under $3 a week,
skip the latte if you want to get latte’ed. Oh, did I mention both of these
methods are covered by Hobby Lobby’s Insurance? This case wasn’t so much about
choice or religion as much as it was about Government over-reach and control.
Thousands of illegal alien children swarmed across our southern border,
creating a humanitarian crisis of monumental importance. Rather than send them
back to their parents, it looks like Uncle Sam wants to adopt these poor little
refugees. Despite the fact that some of these juveniles are as old as 21, and
more than a few are MS-13 gang members. VP Joe Biden referred to them as “our
kids” in a speech-funny if you sent you kid overseas with a stranger for money,
you’d find yourself in jail-hell you can’t even abandon a dog without
repercussions.
My kids’ behavior has dramatically improved
since I hung that Adrian Peterson poster in their room.
After one too many rocket attacks and the kidnapping and murder of three
teens, Israel invaded Gaza-prompting an outcry over their tactics. Wow, Hamas, a
terrorist group that uses children as human shields, and hides munitions in
hospitals and schools claims the moral high ground-no wonder the liberals are
so fond of them…
I recently took a weekend trip to Martha’s
Vineyard. I’m not sure, but I believe there is an island ordinance which
requires every business to hang a “Jaws” poster alongside a picture of Obama or
Clinton.
September is a great month to make sure all the systems in your car are
working properly-you use your Defroster in the morning, you’re A/C in the afternoon
and your heater at night.
I, for one, am sick of paying a fee to pay a
bill. And it’s not just the promotional exams! The City of Boston charges you a
fee to pay your Excise tax on-line, AT&T charges a service fee if you pay
cash for your cell bill (really- A fee for CASH?!?!). My Insurance company sets
up my monthly payments, then adds a surcharge to pay monthly! The examples are
everywhere. I just ordered a bunch of checks and some stamps-screw you online
payments the check is in the mail!
There are certain items that give you the best feeling in the world right
out of the package-I wish I could wear new underwear every day! A tooth-brush
and windshield wipers are also at the top of the list.
I’m reluctant to visit the turmoil in
Ferguson, MO, until all the facts come out, and the investigations are
complete. I will say this, though; how do a looted Flat Screen TV, and stolen
cigs and booze translate to a call for justice?
I saw a sign in a park the read “No Loitering”. Isn’t that what you’re
supposed to do in a park? Apparently some people just don’t get it…
If the drug epidemic is so bad in the
‘burbs, then why do they keep putting the methadone clinics in the city?
The only thing that’s been beaten up more than Mrs Janay Rice Is the
story about Mrs Janay Rice being beaten up. It seems like the NFL has more important
problems than the name of its Washington franchise. The media is also complicit
in this-Domestic Violence and Child Abuse are serious and sadly everyday matters.
Instead of using these high profile examples to initiate change, they fuel the
flames for ratings and circulation.
I had to go by the HQ to drop off some
paperwork. As I talked to an old friend in the hall, people passed us-some of
higher rank, including Command Staff. I greeted many of them by name. My
companion noted that I knew so many Officers there-I said it was because I had
been around so long-he laughed, saying he had been around too long, and now he
knows no one (Thanks, Bob!)
Maybe we should contract Disney to secure our borders, because even at
the self-proclaimed “Happiest Place in the World”, if you jump the line you get
thrown out!
#selfie (Chainsmokers) is the ValleyGirl(Zappa)
for millenniums. File under “name that tune”
I am totally convinced that whoever issues the permits at City Hall does
not know how to read a calendar. How else do you explain several events the
same weekend, conflicting street closures, movers idled by road races and the
like.
I have been referred to as a “Xenophobe”,
which is a fear of foreigners. The word finds its roots from a Greek historian/mercenary
Xenophon. He was second in command of a large Greek Mercenary force (the Ten
Thousand), fighting in the service of Cyrus, who was seeking the Persian
Throne. After Cyrus was defeated, the Greeks were stranded deep in enemy
territory, and had to literally fight their way home. Believe me I wouldn’t
lift a finger to fight any illegals that want to go home- so I guess I’m not
really xenophobic.
Liberals claim to celebrate diversity, but apparently that merriment does
not extend to the rich.
A guy asked me if I could “pop a wheelie” on
my bike-I told him if the Department wanted me on one wheel-they’d have issued
me a unicycle.
In California (where else?), a
local school district had proposed a lesson plan that compares Civil Rights
Icon Dr Martin Luther King to convicted cop killer Mumia Abu Jamal. I don’t
know who should be more mad, Maureen Faulkner-the widow of murdered
Philadelphia cop Daniel Faulkner or the family of the late Dr King. What
possible parallels could there be between a drug dealing thug whose own brother
testified against him and a hero admired by millions around the world?
Apparently this idea was even too far out for California, so it’s been shelved.
Way back in
the day, the US Gov't needed to get rid of the indigenous population out west.
Wars were too risky, and since they proved to be quite skilled fighters, Uncle
Sam had to try another tack. So he starved them by eradicating the biggest
staple in their diet, and began to harry them until they agreed to settle on
reservations. Once there, they were given blankets intentionally contaminated
with smallpox, for which the Indians had no immunity. Tribe thinned, threat
eradicated. This is all true; just ask Lie-zy Warren, it was her people. (Come to find out they were giving not
receiving)
Who poses the threat now? People like us-free
thinking, right leaning, Native Americans. There are more of them than us, so
the gov't can afford to lose some as collateral damage. Ebola is the new poison
blanket.
ISIS makes the Nazis look like your
HS Chess club. These blood thirsty Islamic terrorists like to chop off the
heads of captured foes and video the festivities. Obama referred to them as the
Junior Varsity-Mr President, they have climbed the depth chart! Oh how times
have changed, in 1994 a US citizen was caned for vandalism in Singapore-and the
entire country was up in arms, now a few journalists and aid workers are
beheaded on YouTube and it’s “ho-hum” from the left.
General Motors has issued a recall for over 39 million vehicles just this
year alone. With a loss like that, shareholders will clamor for the CEO to be
fired! Hey, after the bailout isn’t that Obama?
They say God only gives you what you
can handle-sometimes I wish He didn’t have so much confidence in me…
In a deal that could go down as the worst trade since the Indians sold
Manhattan for some trinkets, 5 hardened, vicious, terrorist generals were
swapped for Bo Bergdahl- a possible deserter, certain sympathizer, who walked
off his post in Afghanistan, searching for the Taliban to hug it out. Bergdahl
should be given “The Man Without a Country” punishment (Edward Everett Hale,
1863). The Taliban Generals can go to hell, and sooner rather than later!
Once again,
with November looming, I urge all of you to get out and VOTE! If you don’t know
enough about the candidates, get informed-and use your vote wisely-plenty of
others will squander theirs. There are also ballot questions that will directly
impact your wallet, so read up, and show up. Check out the Candidate
Questionnaires in the PAX, look on-line, ask a friend, or just go with your
gut, but VOTE! Or don’t complain.
Remember, the world is full of great people,
if you can’t find one, be one!
